Cowboy here. The imp is at the commissary buying out the place. I assigned 2 clueless young off-duty sailors to help her - God help them!
My wife is fearless of most things - especially animals. We live in a rural community. Our house is in the foothills of the Cascade mountain range. We have bear and coyote sightings now and then. We have seen both at one time or another when we're out driving. Sar has a saltlick for deer and that can attract a hungry bigger critter. I am thankful she keeps a respectful distance.
Insects: You'd think a city girl would be squirrly around bugs. Nope. When she was a kid she used to play "war correspondent" by throwing red ants in with black ones-- and still would if we had ants. Not too many insects out here in the Pacific Northwest. We have garden beetles. She ignores them. We have slugs. She has devised ingenious ways to kill them and does so with a bit too much enthusiasm if you ask me. She gets excited when she sees a snake. Here we have harmless garden snakes and not too many of them. They're generally scared of the dogs and leave as fast as they came. Sar has accidentally walked into spider's webs and just wiped the webbing off her face without so much as a blink.
But-- if one gets in the house she goes beserk! The dogs are inclined to sniff it or place a paw on it. The cats will play with it until it dies. My wife goes commando. She sprays it with a cleaning spray which slows it down. Then she swats it with a shoe or a towel or a broom - the whole time she is shrieking as if being attacked. The dogs spring into action and growl at the spider - the cats either add their paws to the fray or watch the show. I do not know this woman.
The first time she found a spider in the house and screamed bloody murder and I realized it was just a spider - a small one at that - I warmed her tush for scaring the hell out of me. The way she screamed I thought we were under attack. I have told her to tell me if she sees one in the house and I will dispose of it but no. The warrior woman I married has to do battle and she does it with all the finesse of Genghis Khan - screaming while she slays.
The same woman flushes dead spider, scrubs her hands as if they were stained with blood and settles down to eat a box of Twinkies and drink a root beer float in celebration. This woman I know.
On another note: An article in the local paper informs the reading public that e coli has infected 187 people across Alaska, Washington, Oregon, Idaho and Montana. Sar highlighted the article in neon and placed it in the center of my desk. That's not an epidemic I tell her. She, on the other hand, is astounded that 187 people include spinach in their diet. I give her a swat.
She says she would not be surprised if e coli spreads to other green vegetables. I tell her she's eating green vegetables or getting her tush toasted.
She is debating which is the lesser evil but I note that she has 1 foot out the door.
Life in our house remains normal.
Cowboy
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Thursday, September 21, 2006
EXCUSE ME?
Sorry - didn't mean to shout but I am grinding my teeth to stubs so as not to inflict permanent damage on two potential Navy wives...
Once upon a time - back when people knew how to behave in other people's homes... I didn't mind if Cowboy asked if he could invite a fellow officer or a subordinate home for dinner. Senior officers befriended the giant squid when he was still a squidlet so Cowboy was giving the same opportunity to those officers that had demonstrated potential for advancement.
So... a few days ago, I agree to make dinner for two of his subordinates and their girlfriends.
Two young men - late 20s - arrive with two respectably dressed ladies on their arms. Dinner was a success ... except for:
Bimbo #1 flirted with Cowboy all through dinner. My immediate reaction was to stab her with the tines of my fork but Cowboy covered my hand. That man anticipates my reactions too well.
Bimbo #2 chewed gum all through dinner - putting her gum on her plate while she ate... EGADS! I think I rolled my eyes but Cowboy's glare had me blinking.
Bimbo #2 used the guest bathroom and after they left, I found the towels ON THE FLOOR! I screamed SHIITAKE MUSHROOMS! at the top of my lungs but that only made the dogs come running.
Bimbo #1 wanted to know if Cowboy was any good in bed and had we ever had sex in his office at the base and could she and her boyfriend do that some time when he wasn't in his office?
I was hard pressed not to let the dogs loose on the two of them.
Cowboy was appalled by it all. His subordinates were embarrassed and will have to do other things to get his recommendation for advancement. Marrying those two women will be on the debit side of the ledger. (Neither thanked me for dinner and neither will be invited back.)
Moving right along...
Spinach is STILL LETHAL! I'm overjoyed!
"You'll have to eat something else that's green, bambina. Got to get those nutrients into you to counterbalance the junk you eat."
Since when did he get a degree in nutrition?
"I'm going to pick up some Brussels sprouts on my way home," the vegan in a previous life announced.
"I'm going to commit Hari Kari," I replied. (I just saw "Kill Bill - Vol. 1 & 2 and I think there's a Hattori Hanzo sword somewhere in the house.)
"You better not fill up on burgers and onion rings and milkshakes before I get home. I want you to eat something nutritious for a change."
"I wouldn't dream of it," I said. (The pups and I have a date with friends at "Ye Ol Texas Smoke House" where we will stuff ourselves on ribs and shredded beef and root beer floats.)
"I mean it, Sar. No burgers and onion rings."
"Cross my heart and hope to die," I smiled.
He looked suspicious.
I continued to smile.
He narrowed his eyes.
I think my face will freeze if I don't stop smiling.
SWAT!
"Jeez! What was that for?"
"A gut feeling, bambina."
Tsk! The man has premonitions. I wonder if there's a pill for that?
And...
It's RAINING! Glorious rain! It has rained for a few days with just a few sun breaks. The pups and I have been out in it every chance we get which is only when the giant squid is away from the house.
"I don't want you in the rain, bambina."
Tsk. Too bad we can't always have what we want in life.
SWAT!
"Now what?"
"That's for just in case, imp."
I need to find that anti-premonition pill.
~Sar~
Once upon a time - back when people knew how to behave in other people's homes... I didn't mind if Cowboy asked if he could invite a fellow officer or a subordinate home for dinner. Senior officers befriended the giant squid when he was still a squidlet so Cowboy was giving the same opportunity to those officers that had demonstrated potential for advancement.
So... a few days ago, I agree to make dinner for two of his subordinates and their girlfriends.
Two young men - late 20s - arrive with two respectably dressed ladies on their arms. Dinner was a success ... except for:
Bimbo #1 flirted with Cowboy all through dinner. My immediate reaction was to stab her with the tines of my fork but Cowboy covered my hand. That man anticipates my reactions too well.
Bimbo #2 chewed gum all through dinner - putting her gum on her plate while she ate... EGADS! I think I rolled my eyes but Cowboy's glare had me blinking.
Bimbo #2 used the guest bathroom and after they left, I found the towels ON THE FLOOR! I screamed SHIITAKE MUSHROOMS! at the top of my lungs but that only made the dogs come running.
Bimbo #1 wanted to know if Cowboy was any good in bed and had we ever had sex in his office at the base and could she and her boyfriend do that some time when he wasn't in his office?
I was hard pressed not to let the dogs loose on the two of them.
Cowboy was appalled by it all. His subordinates were embarrassed and will have to do other things to get his recommendation for advancement. Marrying those two women will be on the debit side of the ledger. (Neither thanked me for dinner and neither will be invited back.)
Moving right along...
Spinach is STILL LETHAL! I'm overjoyed!
"You'll have to eat something else that's green, bambina. Got to get those nutrients into you to counterbalance the junk you eat."
Since when did he get a degree in nutrition?
"I'm going to pick up some Brussels sprouts on my way home," the vegan in a previous life announced.
"I'm going to commit Hari Kari," I replied. (I just saw "Kill Bill - Vol. 1 & 2 and I think there's a Hattori Hanzo sword somewhere in the house.)
"You better not fill up on burgers and onion rings and milkshakes before I get home. I want you to eat something nutritious for a change."
"I wouldn't dream of it," I said. (The pups and I have a date with friends at "Ye Ol Texas Smoke House" where we will stuff ourselves on ribs and shredded beef and root beer floats.)
"I mean it, Sar. No burgers and onion rings."
"Cross my heart and hope to die," I smiled.
He looked suspicious.
I continued to smile.
He narrowed his eyes.
I think my face will freeze if I don't stop smiling.
SWAT!
"Jeez! What was that for?"
"A gut feeling, bambina."
Tsk! The man has premonitions. I wonder if there's a pill for that?
And...
It's RAINING! Glorious rain! It has rained for a few days with just a few sun breaks. The pups and I have been out in it every chance we get which is only when the giant squid is away from the house.
"I don't want you in the rain, bambina."
Tsk. Too bad we can't always have what we want in life.
SWAT!
"Now what?"
"That's for just in case, imp."
I need to find that anti-premonition pill.
~Sar~
Friday, September 15, 2006
GOOD News!
I heard on the news this morning that spinach can KILL you! It's loaded with e coli! Is that the best news for kids all over the world? And me, of course. I'll eat it raw in salads but never cooked. Now I don't have to eat it at all - not ever again! I've been doing the happy dance all morning!
More good news: Ever since the giant squid was a boy - back in the dark ages - Cracker Jack(s) came in boxes with wonderful prizes. Over the years the prizes deteriorated in quality - or - I got older and they weren't quite as exciting as they used to be. Regardless, I always save them for Cowboy. Then the absolute worst thing happened. The manufacturers got rid of the boxes and packaged the delightful treat in bags. BAGS! Is that disgusting? And NO prizes!
I wrote my congressman. He was shocked to say the least.
Yesterday I was at the grocery store and ~sigh~ miracles actually happen! There, on the top shelf, way higher than my arm could reach... were BOXES of Cracker Jack(s) with PRIZES!
I dragged a grocery boy over and made him put EVERY box in my grocery cart and then I bought out their entire inventory.
"How come the seats in my SUV are sticky?" the giant Neanderthal asked later that evening when he came back from running errands. (His driver picked him up yesterday.)
I drive an old surplus Navy Jeep and it's hard to get the top on it without help. It was a bit chilly out and the pups and I had plans to eat real food at the Golden Arches and then enjoy a long run in the park so since Cowboy's SUV was available, I took it. The pups and I were very excited about the Cracker Jacks so after we stuffed ourselves on burgers, onion rings (fries for BullyBoy) root beer and milkshakes, we sat in the car and ate cracker jacks until we couldn't eat another bite. The pups tend to salivate mightily when they eat tasty things so some of their enthusiasm must have drooled onto the seats.
"Your car seats are sticky?" Sar, the innocent queried.
"What in blazes were you and the dogs eating? And why were you doing it in my car?"
Oh dear... this conversation could deteriorate.
"It was chilly out and I knew you'd want me to stay warm so I took your car when I went grocery shopping."
"You usually drive Bull's Hummer. Why not today?" the nosy man asked.
Because Cowboy's SUV had a full tank of gas, the Hummer was almost on empty. What a dumb question.
"I'm waiting for an answer, bambina."
Would you believe he crossed his arms over his chest? Tsk.
"Well?"
"Well? Ohhhhh deep subject."
SWAT!
Double tsk.
"You'll never guess what I found out today." I grinned, segueing aimlessly into another subject.
"Still waiting, Sar."
"Spinach is lethal and I have new Cracker Jack prizes for you. Isn't that great news?"
He nodded his head in understanding.
Tsk. It was like one of those toys you see in the back window of a car. Up... down... up... down... meaningless.
"Guess what else is news today?" he added.
"What?" the dumb-dumb side of my brain asked.
"Your tush is mine!"
Good thing I love him but I might just keep those Cracker Jack prizes for myself.
~Sar~
More good news: Ever since the giant squid was a boy - back in the dark ages - Cracker Jack(s) came in boxes with wonderful prizes. Over the years the prizes deteriorated in quality - or - I got older and they weren't quite as exciting as they used to be. Regardless, I always save them for Cowboy. Then the absolute worst thing happened. The manufacturers got rid of the boxes and packaged the delightful treat in bags. BAGS! Is that disgusting? And NO prizes!
I wrote my congressman. He was shocked to say the least.
Yesterday I was at the grocery store and ~sigh~ miracles actually happen! There, on the top shelf, way higher than my arm could reach... were BOXES of Cracker Jack(s) with PRIZES!
I dragged a grocery boy over and made him put EVERY box in my grocery cart and then I bought out their entire inventory.
"How come the seats in my SUV are sticky?" the giant Neanderthal asked later that evening when he came back from running errands. (His driver picked him up yesterday.)
I drive an old surplus Navy Jeep and it's hard to get the top on it without help. It was a bit chilly out and the pups and I had plans to eat real food at the Golden Arches and then enjoy a long run in the park so since Cowboy's SUV was available, I took it. The pups and I were very excited about the Cracker Jacks so after we stuffed ourselves on burgers, onion rings (fries for BullyBoy) root beer and milkshakes, we sat in the car and ate cracker jacks until we couldn't eat another bite. The pups tend to salivate mightily when they eat tasty things so some of their enthusiasm must have drooled onto the seats.
"Your car seats are sticky?" Sar, the innocent queried.
"What in blazes were you and the dogs eating? And why were you doing it in my car?"
Oh dear... this conversation could deteriorate.
"It was chilly out and I knew you'd want me to stay warm so I took your car when I went grocery shopping."
"You usually drive Bull's Hummer. Why not today?" the nosy man asked.
Because Cowboy's SUV had a full tank of gas, the Hummer was almost on empty. What a dumb question.
"I'm waiting for an answer, bambina."
Would you believe he crossed his arms over his chest? Tsk.
"Well?"
"Well? Ohhhhh deep subject."
SWAT!
Double tsk.
"You'll never guess what I found out today." I grinned, segueing aimlessly into another subject.
"Still waiting, Sar."
"Spinach is lethal and I have new Cracker Jack prizes for you. Isn't that great news?"
He nodded his head in understanding.
Tsk. It was like one of those toys you see in the back window of a car. Up... down... up... down... meaningless.
"Guess what else is news today?" he added.
"What?" the dumb-dumb side of my brain asked.
"Your tush is mine!"
Good thing I love him but I might just keep those Cracker Jack prizes for myself.
~Sar~
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Hurray! and Green-Eyed Monster!
At last! I've converted and reformatted my website to its new server and as far as I know, all the stories are where they should be - readable. If you're inclined to re-read anything and find errors, please drop me a note so I can fix them. Now, when I have a little time, I'll get back to writing again.
A few things going on here:
Had a birthday a few days ago - it was wonderful! The giant squid took me shopping in the International District and I purchased a lot of lovely threads and fiber for my art. We ate a superbly long lunch at a family owned Chinese restaurant that caters to the Chinese community here and oh boy! They fed us royally! Thought I might have to waddle out of there. I wanted take-out to nibble on later that evening but Cowboy said he wanted me to nibble on something else.
Oy! Don't go there!
Slept on the way home and woke up in my own bed - hmmm... wonder what made me so sleepy. I didn't drink any wine...
"Don't give out any details, Sar."
When I woke up, someone else was doing the nibbling...
SWAT!
Tsk
He bought me a sexy dress to wear for dinner at a supper club where we danced the tango until they threw us out. I didn't have a rose between my teeth. HE DID! And I took pictures! That one might look good on the front page of The Navy Times. There were a few more surprises. All in all, a stupendous birthday celebration.
Of course there was a birthday spanking.
The upside: The man is getting up there in years...
SWAT!
...but he can still spank.
The downside: The man is soooooo o-l-d...
SWAT!
...he forgets how many spanks he's delivered and has to start over! Again and again!
And what's this one to grow on, one to laugh about, one to make sure he got the number right... One for last year in case he forgot one, one for next year in case he loses count... One for that tree climbing episode last week, one for using my razor, one for eating pie and not sharing, one for sassiness, one for the beer you gave to BullyBoy, one for giving my Scotch to the bloodhound, one for...
Tsk!
I'm not the jealous type. I don't think I'm the jealous type. I'm fairly confident about a lot of things and all those good looking, sexy, buff ladies under Cowboy's command don't faze me in the least. Anyone that gets out of hand, whether Navy or Marine... I manage to squash pretty fast.
However... our young friend, Patrick... age 9, going on 16... has a girlfriend! A girlfriend! Her name is Melissa and she answers to Missy. Missy? EGADS! The only Missy I ever knew was someone I met in a spanking chat room who was turned on when big macho hairy ape men whispered words like "whip" "ballgag" and "crop" in her ears. They whispered other words too but I shudder when I think of them.
Back to Patrick: He brought Missy to the house for a visit... She's blonde with shoulder length curls, blue eyes, and wears frilly girly girl dresses with ankle socks that have lace on them and Mary Jane slippers. She's 7, going on "Mata Hari!"
I fed them lunch and while I cleared the dishes away and put dessert in front of them, they had eyes only for each other, and held hands under the table. This was not their best move... BullyBoy never misses an opportunity for food and licked the ice cream off Patrick's plate when the kid wasn't looking.
Cowboy thought the whole thing was cute. I, on the other hand, have serious doubts about this Missy creature. I bet the outside Rotts would eat her if I asked them to. Isn't this boy supposed to be mine until he's 30?
~Sar~
A few things going on here:
Had a birthday a few days ago - it was wonderful! The giant squid took me shopping in the International District and I purchased a lot of lovely threads and fiber for my art. We ate a superbly long lunch at a family owned Chinese restaurant that caters to the Chinese community here and oh boy! They fed us royally! Thought I might have to waddle out of there. I wanted take-out to nibble on later that evening but Cowboy said he wanted me to nibble on something else.
Oy! Don't go there!
Slept on the way home and woke up in my own bed - hmmm... wonder what made me so sleepy. I didn't drink any wine...
"Don't give out any details, Sar."
When I woke up, someone else was doing the nibbling...
SWAT!
Tsk
He bought me a sexy dress to wear for dinner at a supper club where we danced the tango until they threw us out. I didn't have a rose between my teeth. HE DID! And I took pictures! That one might look good on the front page of The Navy Times. There were a few more surprises. All in all, a stupendous birthday celebration.
Of course there was a birthday spanking.
The upside: The man is getting up there in years...
SWAT!
...but he can still spank.
The downside: The man is soooooo o-l-d...
SWAT!
...he forgets how many spanks he's delivered and has to start over! Again and again!
And what's this one to grow on, one to laugh about, one to make sure he got the number right... One for last year in case he forgot one, one for next year in case he loses count... One for that tree climbing episode last week, one for using my razor, one for eating pie and not sharing, one for sassiness, one for the beer you gave to BullyBoy, one for giving my Scotch to the bloodhound, one for...
Tsk!
I'm not the jealous type. I don't think I'm the jealous type. I'm fairly confident about a lot of things and all those good looking, sexy, buff ladies under Cowboy's command don't faze me in the least. Anyone that gets out of hand, whether Navy or Marine... I manage to squash pretty fast.
However... our young friend, Patrick... age 9, going on 16... has a girlfriend! A girlfriend! Her name is Melissa and she answers to Missy. Missy? EGADS! The only Missy I ever knew was someone I met in a spanking chat room who was turned on when big macho hairy ape men whispered words like "whip" "ballgag" and "crop" in her ears. They whispered other words too but I shudder when I think of them.
Back to Patrick: He brought Missy to the house for a visit... She's blonde with shoulder length curls, blue eyes, and wears frilly girly girl dresses with ankle socks that have lace on them and Mary Jane slippers. She's 7, going on "Mata Hari!"
I fed them lunch and while I cleared the dishes away and put dessert in front of them, they had eyes only for each other, and held hands under the table. This was not their best move... BullyBoy never misses an opportunity for food and licked the ice cream off Patrick's plate when the kid wasn't looking.
Cowboy thought the whole thing was cute. I, on the other hand, have serious doubts about this Missy creature. I bet the outside Rotts would eat her if I asked them to. Isn't this boy supposed to be mine until he's 30?
~Sar~
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Civilization
Civilization can be described in so many ways. There are times when Cowboy is so involved in something or other on the base that he reverts to Cro-Magnum man. I take this as an opportunity to participate in his caveman ways and I grill a lot of meat for our dinners. If he has a need to unwind, I toss the meat onto the outdoor grill and let him have his way with it.
This makes my pups use this time to bond with him, sitting close to his side as he turns the meat. He grumbles that they're not getting any but even he and I together cannot eat 8-10 pounds of meat... We have 5 dogs and 2 flesh-eating cats so nothing is going to waste.
I throw some potatoes on the grill and we feast like they did back in the Paleolithic caveman age. Not sure when Cro-Magnum man existed but it was one of those pre-historic-kill-the-dinosaur-before-it-kills-you-and-pass-the-mammoth ribs-please times.
Occasionally, his wits return...
"What about vegetables?" he asks.
"Vegetables?" I simply hate it when he wants to ruin a perfectly good meal with green things.
"Can't live on meat alone, babe."
Sure we can.
SWAT!
Tsk!
"Which veggie are we having, Sar?"
"A civilized one," I replied as I placed a bowl of cherry tomatoes on the table along with an assortment of olives and pickles.
There are civilized vegetables and there are uncivilized vegetables. I eat a number of raw veggies - not too crazy about cooked veggies and refuse to ingest any veggie that is not identifiable, reeks of nutriments, stinks, or doesn't slice easily with a knife. Ergo: I do not touch collard greens, brussels sprouts, turnips, or fiddleheads, among others. I am positive some of them are fungi in disguise. Not too crazy about broccoli or asparagus either. Cauliflower is okay if it's mashed and smothered in butter.
Civilized veggies are lettuce, tomatoes, cukes, radishes, sweet carrots, onions, olives, pickles, green peppers, artichoke hearts, palm hearts, and potatoes. Beets are okay if they're pickled like cucumbers. Spinach has to be raw and fresh and in a salad with mushrooms and endives - abhor cooked spinach.
"I wouldn't mind some creamed spinach," the Cro-Magnum man says.
"I wouldn't mind a new car and a new computer," I reply sweetly. "What are the chances of that?"
"Not good," he smiles. "At least, not good at the moment."
"That's how I feel about creamed spinach, squid."
SWAT!
Tsk!
"What's for dessert?"
"Cheesecake, of course."
"No cheesecake until you eat a green veggie, imp."
"No problem," I reply and dig into the pickles...
New topic:
Speaking of caveman times... When I was an undergraduate all students were required to take a course in physical science. I remember that one of the questions on the final exam was to list the ages of man. A friend and I had studied and memorized all this trivia and somewhere along the way, someone told us an alliteration to help us remember.
"Every Old Man Plays Poker Regularly." The first letter of each word represents the answers: Eocene, Oligocene, Miocene, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and I forget what the "R" stood for. Vaguely, I recall there was also a Paleocene, Decene, Epicene, and a Neocene.
My friend had a memory like a sieve so she couldn't remember what the letters stood for. I remember that she passed with flying colors because she sat next to a very smart person...
Back to first topic:
So... since I wasn't keen on eating any veggies with my grilled steaks... I waited until it was time to eat dessert and when the Cro-Magnum squid arched a brow and said I couldn't have any 'cause I didn't eat any veggies... I stripped.
When I had his complete and undivided attention, I yelled to the pups to "kiss the squid" and when they leaped up to smooch him, I grabbed the cheesecake and ran into the house.
"When I get my hands on you!"
"Promises, promises."
I scarfed about a third of it down before he caught up with me.
Cheesecake was GOOD!
Spanking was teasing.
The rest was lovely.
~Sar~
This makes my pups use this time to bond with him, sitting close to his side as he turns the meat. He grumbles that they're not getting any but even he and I together cannot eat 8-10 pounds of meat... We have 5 dogs and 2 flesh-eating cats so nothing is going to waste.
I throw some potatoes on the grill and we feast like they did back in the Paleolithic caveman age. Not sure when Cro-Magnum man existed but it was one of those pre-historic-kill-the-dinosaur-before-it-kills-you-and-pass-the-mammoth ribs-please times.
Occasionally, his wits return...
"What about vegetables?" he asks.
"Vegetables?" I simply hate it when he wants to ruin a perfectly good meal with green things.
"Can't live on meat alone, babe."
Sure we can.
SWAT!
Tsk!
"Which veggie are we having, Sar?"
"A civilized one," I replied as I placed a bowl of cherry tomatoes on the table along with an assortment of olives and pickles.
There are civilized vegetables and there are uncivilized vegetables. I eat a number of raw veggies - not too crazy about cooked veggies and refuse to ingest any veggie that is not identifiable, reeks of nutriments, stinks, or doesn't slice easily with a knife. Ergo: I do not touch collard greens, brussels sprouts, turnips, or fiddleheads, among others. I am positive some of them are fungi in disguise. Not too crazy about broccoli or asparagus either. Cauliflower is okay if it's mashed and smothered in butter.
Civilized veggies are lettuce, tomatoes, cukes, radishes, sweet carrots, onions, olives, pickles, green peppers, artichoke hearts, palm hearts, and potatoes. Beets are okay if they're pickled like cucumbers. Spinach has to be raw and fresh and in a salad with mushrooms and endives - abhor cooked spinach.
"I wouldn't mind some creamed spinach," the Cro-Magnum man says.
"I wouldn't mind a new car and a new computer," I reply sweetly. "What are the chances of that?"
"Not good," he smiles. "At least, not good at the moment."
"That's how I feel about creamed spinach, squid."
SWAT!
Tsk!
"What's for dessert?"
"Cheesecake, of course."
"No cheesecake until you eat a green veggie, imp."
"No problem," I reply and dig into the pickles...
New topic:
Speaking of caveman times... When I was an undergraduate all students were required to take a course in physical science. I remember that one of the questions on the final exam was to list the ages of man. A friend and I had studied and memorized all this trivia and somewhere along the way, someone told us an alliteration to help us remember.
"Every Old Man Plays Poker Regularly." The first letter of each word represents the answers: Eocene, Oligocene, Miocene, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and I forget what the "R" stood for. Vaguely, I recall there was also a Paleocene, Decene, Epicene, and a Neocene.
My friend had a memory like a sieve so she couldn't remember what the letters stood for. I remember that she passed with flying colors because she sat next to a very smart person...
Back to first topic:
So... since I wasn't keen on eating any veggies with my grilled steaks... I waited until it was time to eat dessert and when the Cro-Magnum squid arched a brow and said I couldn't have any 'cause I didn't eat any veggies... I stripped.
When I had his complete and undivided attention, I yelled to the pups to "kiss the squid" and when they leaped up to smooch him, I grabbed the cheesecake and ran into the house.
"When I get my hands on you!"
"Promises, promises."
I scarfed about a third of it down before he caught up with me.
Cheesecake was GOOD!
Spanking was teasing.
The rest was lovely.
~Sar~
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
At the Beach
Cowboy here. We're at the beach for a long weekend. Going home in the morning. The imp has been going about her days in double time - working on a piece of art that was commissioned some time ago and redoing the computer code on all her stories and transferring them to the new site. She tells me they are all there but being read off of 2 different servers. I don't pretend to know the technical details but whatever it is, she has to do something to each of them to get them all onto her new website.
She has spent every waking moment on the art piece and on the new website. And she was showing signs of exhaustion. Telling her to take it slower is like telling her to give up chocolate so I did what she always accuses me of doing. I went into Neanderthal mode.
While she was busy I packed a few things for us and in the middle of the night Thursday, I settled her in the car and drove and ferried out to the small place we have in the San Juans. She slept the entire way which tells you how tired she was.
Brought 3 of the dogs with us - the Rott and Mastiff and the Bloodhound. The hound is up there in years and Sar refuses to make the animal go through another living adjustment. We'll be keeping him for the long haul. We didn't know if he's seen the ocean and he's attached to Sar so brought him along as a treat for both of them.
We had an anniversary this month so this is another reason to be here - a few days to ourselves - always a good thing.
Our cabin is on an out of the way cove with only locals in the area and not many of them. It's warm from mid morning to mid afternoon but the evening brings cool breezes and a bit of chill to the air.
The sand is just wet enough to make sand castles and I indulged her desire to build a sand fort just above the high tide mark. A good breeze will make it erode but she's curious to see how long it will last. I doubt it will be here for our next visit but we'll see. Just seeing her relax has been worth the trip out here. Her dogs are curious and stick their muzzles into everything. The Bloodhound has made himself comfortable in the middle of the fort which makes us both laugh at his antics. Something about the ocean air has made him friskier and more pup-like. I watch my wife as she romps with her pups and I'm feeling a bit frisky myself.
Local radio news advises that the "K" pod is in the area with 2 new calves. I scan the horizon with binoculars to try to spot them. The Orcas regularly play and rest in the protected coves and ours has been a popular one for them in the past. They won't be in the area long. In the not too distant future they will begin the slow migration to southern waters for the winter season.
Sar wants a campfire on the beach to roast hot dogs and marshmallows. I know her plan. She'll cuddle up to me and I'll keep my arms around her and the fire will burn and she'll get to stay outdoors in the cool evening when I would rather she be indoors and warm. The breeze off the ocean is a damp one and not the best for her. I give in and let her have some time outdoors in the chilly evening. The sound of the incoming tide lulls her to sleep and when that happened, I doused the fire and carried the imp back to the cabin.
We jog a bit in the cool morning. Doesn't take much to warm up when you're burning energy and when we get to the halfway point, I always give Sar a piggy back ride back. I don't want her jogging that many miles and she weighs less than a military backpack. I reach for her but she's decided to jog a little further and eludes me. She takes off with her dogs and I give chase. The dogs think this is a great game and when I finally tackle her in the sand they are all over me.
I haul her over my shoulder and give her a couple of swats which makes her laugh. Her laughter is music to my ears and tells the pups all is well. They dance around us the whole way back. I tell her she's in for it and she tells me we're gonna be out of peaches when we get home. I remind her who is boss and damned if she doesn't start giggling.
I tell her she's gonna get spanked for that and she jumps me. So there we are - on the deserted beach - a beautiful woman in my arms - one I love with all my heart. My only hope is that no one was watching us with binoculars from behind a sand dune while the band played on. It was bad enough we had 3 nosy dogs with us.
Cowboy
She has spent every waking moment on the art piece and on the new website. And she was showing signs of exhaustion. Telling her to take it slower is like telling her to give up chocolate so I did what she always accuses me of doing. I went into Neanderthal mode.
While she was busy I packed a few things for us and in the middle of the night Thursday, I settled her in the car and drove and ferried out to the small place we have in the San Juans. She slept the entire way which tells you how tired she was.
Brought 3 of the dogs with us - the Rott and Mastiff and the Bloodhound. The hound is up there in years and Sar refuses to make the animal go through another living adjustment. We'll be keeping him for the long haul. We didn't know if he's seen the ocean and he's attached to Sar so brought him along as a treat for both of them.
We had an anniversary this month so this is another reason to be here - a few days to ourselves - always a good thing.
Our cabin is on an out of the way cove with only locals in the area and not many of them. It's warm from mid morning to mid afternoon but the evening brings cool breezes and a bit of chill to the air.
The sand is just wet enough to make sand castles and I indulged her desire to build a sand fort just above the high tide mark. A good breeze will make it erode but she's curious to see how long it will last. I doubt it will be here for our next visit but we'll see. Just seeing her relax has been worth the trip out here. Her dogs are curious and stick their muzzles into everything. The Bloodhound has made himself comfortable in the middle of the fort which makes us both laugh at his antics. Something about the ocean air has made him friskier and more pup-like. I watch my wife as she romps with her pups and I'm feeling a bit frisky myself.
Local radio news advises that the "K" pod is in the area with 2 new calves. I scan the horizon with binoculars to try to spot them. The Orcas regularly play and rest in the protected coves and ours has been a popular one for them in the past. They won't be in the area long. In the not too distant future they will begin the slow migration to southern waters for the winter season.
Sar wants a campfire on the beach to roast hot dogs and marshmallows. I know her plan. She'll cuddle up to me and I'll keep my arms around her and the fire will burn and she'll get to stay outdoors in the cool evening when I would rather she be indoors and warm. The breeze off the ocean is a damp one and not the best for her. I give in and let her have some time outdoors in the chilly evening. The sound of the incoming tide lulls her to sleep and when that happened, I doused the fire and carried the imp back to the cabin.
We jog a bit in the cool morning. Doesn't take much to warm up when you're burning energy and when we get to the halfway point, I always give Sar a piggy back ride back. I don't want her jogging that many miles and she weighs less than a military backpack. I reach for her but she's decided to jog a little further and eludes me. She takes off with her dogs and I give chase. The dogs think this is a great game and when I finally tackle her in the sand they are all over me.
I haul her over my shoulder and give her a couple of swats which makes her laugh. Her laughter is music to my ears and tells the pups all is well. They dance around us the whole way back. I tell her she's in for it and she tells me we're gonna be out of peaches when we get home. I remind her who is boss and damned if she doesn't start giggling.
I tell her she's gonna get spanked for that and she jumps me. So there we are - on the deserted beach - a beautiful woman in my arms - one I love with all my heart. My only hope is that no one was watching us with binoculars from behind a sand dune while the band played on. It was bad enough we had 3 nosy dogs with us.
Cowboy
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Website Moving!
Brief note to let you know that I'm moving my website to a new server. This is not something I wanted to do; current host informed me they no longer want websites that contain adult content. I have a new site and am in the process of transferring everything there.
The good news: It should be up and running in a few days.
The bad news: The FTP - File Transfer Protocol one uses to accomplish this feat is incompatible between the old and new websites. Ergo: Each file (I have over 1000 files) has to be uploaded and @#$%$ REFORMATTED. Translation: This will take a while.
As each section is transferred I will remove those stories from the old website. The host has given me until midnight Tuesday... to accomplish this and then they lock me out of the site. Will let you know what the new website address is shortly. Also, if you go to the current website, you will note that I have deleted the pictures. They will show up on the new website.
Thanks very much for your patience. Can't wait to figure out what it takes to let people know who link to me that the url has changed. ~ sigh ~
THIS blog has a separate address and will remain as is.
The giant squid's view on this:
"Don't get all worked up over this, Sar. People can wait a few days to read your stories."
"Uh huh. Bring home takeout for the next 4 days, okay?"
"What about my peach cobbler?"
"You finished it last night. I'm not baking right now."
"Any suggestions for dessert?"
HOLD ME BACK!
SWAT!
Tsk
More news soon.
~Sar~
The good news: It should be up and running in a few days.
The bad news: The FTP - File Transfer Protocol one uses to accomplish this feat is incompatible between the old and new websites. Ergo: Each file (I have over 1000 files) has to be uploaded and @#$%$ REFORMATTED. Translation: This will take a while.
As each section is transferred I will remove those stories from the old website. The host has given me until midnight Tuesday... to accomplish this and then they lock me out of the site. Will let you know what the new website address is shortly. Also, if you go to the current website, you will note that I have deleted the pictures. They will show up on the new website.
Thanks very much for your patience. Can't wait to figure out what it takes to let people know who link to me that the url has changed. ~ sigh ~
THIS blog has a separate address and will remain as is.
The giant squid's view on this:
"Don't get all worked up over this, Sar. People can wait a few days to read your stories."
"Uh huh. Bring home takeout for the next 4 days, okay?"
"What about my peach cobbler?"
"You finished it last night. I'm not baking right now."
"Any suggestions for dessert?"
HOLD ME BACK!
SWAT!
Tsk
More news soon.
~Sar~
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Peach Cobbler Bribery
I have jetlag. We left Japan on a Tuesday and got home the day before... When we left home to go to Japan, we lost a day. Somewhere in the scheme of things, I think we made up for that lost day but hopefully, I didn't miss any meals. I ate extra Twinkies just in case.
We had a wonderful time - acted like tourists, going here, there and everywhere and ate all sorts of things that tasted good but had unidentifiable ingredients. While the giant squid did his giant squid thing, I kept his credit card company in business.
"Don't buy out all of Tokyo, imp," the Neanderthal said.
"I won't."
Was actually planning on raising the economy in Kyoto instead and when that was accomplished, was going to see what they had in Osaka and maybe, Kobe.
SWAT!
Tsk
Naturally, I had everything shipped home.
And when we got home, there was a very large pile of mail to sort through. Cowboy pulled out all the bills to pay and discarded the junked mail. One envelope was addressed to us by our last name only so he opened that.
"Who's Jim?"
"Jim? Jim who?"
"He's inquiring as to your whereabouts. Who's Jim?"
I scanned the letter and smiled. "Ohhhhhh... Jim."
At this point, the giant squid had his arms crossed over his chest very much like Popeye does when he's glaring at poor lil 'ole Olive Oil. The squid's biceps are about the same size.
Tsk
"I'm waiting."
Hark! Was that a note of impatience I heard?
"SAR!"
Make that FARK!
"Umm... Jimmy was a boy I knew in college."
"Jimmy?"
"Welllll... his mom probably named him James and his pals probably call him Jim but I... uh... always called him Jimmy."
"Jimmy," the giant squid muttered. "That's a name for a boy," he snorted. "You were dating a boy?"
"We didn't actually date. We went out a time or two for breakfast but we were just friends and I heard he married a gal from his hometown right after college and they have grown kids and are probably grandparents by now and he was always a perfect gentleman and never even held my hand and I was always hungry and he didn't mind springing for breakfast and in return, I shared my class notes and..."
Oy! I'm rambling.
"Breakfast?" the Neanderthal narrowed his eyes at me. "Why breakfast? What were you doing with Jimmy boy before breakfast? Why not dinner?"
Breakfast is the only word he heard? I do believe the man is jealous of a boy I used to know umpteen years ago. Pardon me while I laugh while I still can.
"We met at the college cafeteria *before* class, that's what we did."
"Uh huh. And why does he want to contact you now?"
"Probably figured out the Internet was a good way to reconnect with old friends."
"You planning on answering this letter?"
"You wouldn't mind?"
"I would mind. What does this guy look like?"
"Well, he always loved to eat and he married a professional caterer so he's probably got a huge belly, lots of chins and he had pale blond hair - wouldn't be surprised if he's bald by now."
He used to be the spitting image of a young Paul Newman and girls followed him everywhere.
"Send him an email through my account and if he's ever out this way, we can have dinner with him and his wife."
"You jealous?" I asked and hugged my guy tight around the waist.
"Do I have a reason to be?" he countered and hugged me back.
"Wellll....."
SWAT!
Tsk
"I love making you jealous, squidlet."
"I love warming your butt, imp."
"Peach cobbler for dessert, tonight."
"What are you serving it with?"
"Me."
"That might lead to a sweet spanking."
~ sigh ~
~Sar~
P.S. As soon as time permits, I will create a link for some recipes - peach cobbler included - as well as some other dishes that kindle and refuel romance.
We had a wonderful time - acted like tourists, going here, there and everywhere and ate all sorts of things that tasted good but had unidentifiable ingredients. While the giant squid did his giant squid thing, I kept his credit card company in business.
"Don't buy out all of Tokyo, imp," the Neanderthal said.
"I won't."
Was actually planning on raising the economy in Kyoto instead and when that was accomplished, was going to see what they had in Osaka and maybe, Kobe.
SWAT!
Tsk
Naturally, I had everything shipped home.
And when we got home, there was a very large pile of mail to sort through. Cowboy pulled out all the bills to pay and discarded the junked mail. One envelope was addressed to us by our last name only so he opened that.
"Who's Jim?"
"Jim? Jim who?"
"He's inquiring as to your whereabouts. Who's Jim?"
I scanned the letter and smiled. "Ohhhhhh... Jim."
At this point, the giant squid had his arms crossed over his chest very much like Popeye does when he's glaring at poor lil 'ole Olive Oil. The squid's biceps are about the same size.
Tsk
"I'm waiting."
Hark! Was that a note of impatience I heard?
"SAR!"
Make that FARK!
"Umm... Jimmy was a boy I knew in college."
"Jimmy?"
"Welllll... his mom probably named him James and his pals probably call him Jim but I... uh... always called him Jimmy."
"Jimmy," the giant squid muttered. "That's a name for a boy," he snorted. "You were dating a boy?"
"We didn't actually date. We went out a time or two for breakfast but we were just friends and I heard he married a gal from his hometown right after college and they have grown kids and are probably grandparents by now and he was always a perfect gentleman and never even held my hand and I was always hungry and he didn't mind springing for breakfast and in return, I shared my class notes and..."
Oy! I'm rambling.
"Breakfast?" the Neanderthal narrowed his eyes at me. "Why breakfast? What were you doing with Jimmy boy before breakfast? Why not dinner?"
Breakfast is the only word he heard? I do believe the man is jealous of a boy I used to know umpteen years ago. Pardon me while I laugh while I still can.
"We met at the college cafeteria *before* class, that's what we did."
"Uh huh. And why does he want to contact you now?"
"Probably figured out the Internet was a good way to reconnect with old friends."
"You planning on answering this letter?"
"You wouldn't mind?"
"I would mind. What does this guy look like?"
"Well, he always loved to eat and he married a professional caterer so he's probably got a huge belly, lots of chins and he had pale blond hair - wouldn't be surprised if he's bald by now."
He used to be the spitting image of a young Paul Newman and girls followed him everywhere.
"Send him an email through my account and if he's ever out this way, we can have dinner with him and his wife."
"You jealous?" I asked and hugged my guy tight around the waist.
"Do I have a reason to be?" he countered and hugged me back.
"Wellll....."
SWAT!
Tsk
"I love making you jealous, squidlet."
"I love warming your butt, imp."
"Peach cobbler for dessert, tonight."
"What are you serving it with?"
"Me."
"That might lead to a sweet spanking."
~ sigh ~
~Sar~
P.S. As soon as time permits, I will create a link for some recipes - peach cobbler included - as well as some other dishes that kindle and refuel romance.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Feeling needy...
You know that needy feeling? A friend called the other night and told me she had a "needy" urge building.
"What kind of needy?" I asked. "Food? Chocolate? Sex? Shoe shopping? The need to shoot someone?"
"Comfort food."
"Ohhhhhh."
I eat a lot of comfort food all the time. I'm big on Twinkies... you knew that... and I'm a huge fan of Mac & Cheese in the blue Kraft box, Cracker Jacks, chocolate of course, and cheesecake. When I'm feeling all empty inside and the giant squid isn't available to cuddle with... I might make a big bowl of mashed potatoes swimming in butter and cream and eat that. If I'm upset about a particular thing, I generally make a Tunnel of Fudge cake and eat that. Food is big in my life - you knew that, too, and frankly, it's a good thing I don't eat a lot of veggies. I rarely gain weight; if I ate veggies, I'd blow over in a breeze.
When the giant squid is worn out from the job, I make linguini with butter and grated cheese, garlic bread and put a bottle of wine on the table. When he's feeling down - which doesn't happen too often - I make a dish his mom used to make for him when he was a little boy. I know it's hard to believe... but the giant squid was once a little boy. I have pictures to prove it but it's possible they're doctored photos and he was born whole - tall - and a Neanderthal.
The dish is a combination of sliced tomatoes, green peppers, and some Italian spices all sautéed in olive oil. When that's soft and smelling like heaven, I crack a few eggs over the whole thing and the eggs get poached over the tomatoes, etc and the combination is so good he feels better in no time. Once that needy appetite is taken care of, I help him take care of his other needy appetites. No need to discuss details; I'm sure you understand.
And... he could eat peach cobbler every night.
Back to my friend who was needy and wanted comfort food from her childhood:
"You want tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich? Chocolate cake? Peanut butter and jelly pancakes? What?"
"I want kugel. Noodle kugel with lots of cheese."
"Ohhhhh."
This gal is the only child of a Japanese mother and a Chinese father. She grew up in a multi-ethnic neighborhood and ate a lot of multi-ethnic delicacies. Of course, she also ate a lot of Asian food. Her mother despairs that her favorite dish is noodle kugel. Kugel is pudding. Noodle kugel is a combination of broad flat noodles, LOTS of butter and cream cheese and sugar and topped with berries - sort of a Jewish style cheesecake. It is scrumptious hot from the oven or cold from the fridge and is one of those dishes no one in their right mind would take all the time it takes to make one and share it. This is a dish best eaten when no one but me and the pups are home.
"You're making noodle kugel for Angie?" my husband, the caveman asked as I boiled water for the noodles and softened 24 ounces of cream cheese in the microwave.
"Uh huh."
"Are you making peach cobbler for me?"
"No."
SWAT!
Tsk
"Why not?"
"She's feeling needy and I think giving her noodle kugel is better than hearing about her on the 6 o'clock news. She just got her permit to carry license."
"I've got a permit to carry, bambina, and I've also getting a "needy" feeling."
"You are?"
"Yep, and your butt is gonna feel how needy I am if I don't see homemade peach cobbler on the table tonight."
"Piss-ant!"
SWAT!
Tsk
"What are you gonna do if I make peach cobbler for you? Other than not spanking me, of course."
"I'm probably gonna upend you anyway for being sassy," he grinned and hugged me way too tight. "And stuff will probably happen after I eat the cobbler." Grin became very wicked, kisses happened, hands got fresh - tsk - and I momentarily forgot what I was doing.
Double tsk.
"And...?"
"And I'm taking you to Japan with me. We leave in a few days."
"Ohhhhhhh, peach cobbler coming right up!"
We're off to Japan for a few days so the giant squid can do his giant squid thing and I'll get a chance to smoke his credit card again. And yes, I made noodle kugel for my friend - we shared it - and peach cobbler for the squid and I'm packed and ready to go. Will catch up with you in a few days.
"Just cause we'll be overseas doesn't mean you won't get your tush toasted if necessary, bambina. Japan is the land of the rising sun and your tush blazing would be appropriate."
Next time I make peach cobbler... I might add a new ingredient... ipecac or saltpeter.
~Sar~
"What kind of needy?" I asked. "Food? Chocolate? Sex? Shoe shopping? The need to shoot someone?"
"Comfort food."
"Ohhhhhh."
I eat a lot of comfort food all the time. I'm big on Twinkies... you knew that... and I'm a huge fan of Mac & Cheese in the blue Kraft box, Cracker Jacks, chocolate of course, and cheesecake. When I'm feeling all empty inside and the giant squid isn't available to cuddle with... I might make a big bowl of mashed potatoes swimming in butter and cream and eat that. If I'm upset about a particular thing, I generally make a Tunnel of Fudge cake and eat that. Food is big in my life - you knew that, too, and frankly, it's a good thing I don't eat a lot of veggies. I rarely gain weight; if I ate veggies, I'd blow over in a breeze.
When the giant squid is worn out from the job, I make linguini with butter and grated cheese, garlic bread and put a bottle of wine on the table. When he's feeling down - which doesn't happen too often - I make a dish his mom used to make for him when he was a little boy. I know it's hard to believe... but the giant squid was once a little boy. I have pictures to prove it but it's possible they're doctored photos and he was born whole - tall - and a Neanderthal.
The dish is a combination of sliced tomatoes, green peppers, and some Italian spices all sautéed in olive oil. When that's soft and smelling like heaven, I crack a few eggs over the whole thing and the eggs get poached over the tomatoes, etc and the combination is so good he feels better in no time. Once that needy appetite is taken care of, I help him take care of his other needy appetites. No need to discuss details; I'm sure you understand.
And... he could eat peach cobbler every night.
Back to my friend who was needy and wanted comfort food from her childhood:
"You want tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich? Chocolate cake? Peanut butter and jelly pancakes? What?"
"I want kugel. Noodle kugel with lots of cheese."
"Ohhhhh."
This gal is the only child of a Japanese mother and a Chinese father. She grew up in a multi-ethnic neighborhood and ate a lot of multi-ethnic delicacies. Of course, she also ate a lot of Asian food. Her mother despairs that her favorite dish is noodle kugel. Kugel is pudding. Noodle kugel is a combination of broad flat noodles, LOTS of butter and cream cheese and sugar and topped with berries - sort of a Jewish style cheesecake. It is scrumptious hot from the oven or cold from the fridge and is one of those dishes no one in their right mind would take all the time it takes to make one and share it. This is a dish best eaten when no one but me and the pups are home.
"You're making noodle kugel for Angie?" my husband, the caveman asked as I boiled water for the noodles and softened 24 ounces of cream cheese in the microwave.
"Uh huh."
"Are you making peach cobbler for me?"
"No."
SWAT!
Tsk
"Why not?"
"She's feeling needy and I think giving her noodle kugel is better than hearing about her on the 6 o'clock news. She just got her permit to carry license."
"I've got a permit to carry, bambina, and I've also getting a "needy" feeling."
"You are?"
"Yep, and your butt is gonna feel how needy I am if I don't see homemade peach cobbler on the table tonight."
"Piss-ant!"
SWAT!
Tsk
"What are you gonna do if I make peach cobbler for you? Other than not spanking me, of course."
"I'm probably gonna upend you anyway for being sassy," he grinned and hugged me way too tight. "And stuff will probably happen after I eat the cobbler." Grin became very wicked, kisses happened, hands got fresh - tsk - and I momentarily forgot what I was doing.
Double tsk.
"And...?"
"And I'm taking you to Japan with me. We leave in a few days."
"Ohhhhhhh, peach cobbler coming right up!"
We're off to Japan for a few days so the giant squid can do his giant squid thing and I'll get a chance to smoke his credit card again. And yes, I made noodle kugel for my friend - we shared it - and peach cobbler for the squid and I'm packed and ready to go. Will catch up with you in a few days.
"Just cause we'll be overseas doesn't mean you won't get your tush toasted if necessary, bambina. Japan is the land of the rising sun and your tush blazing would be appropriate."
Next time I make peach cobbler... I might add a new ingredient... ipecac or saltpeter.
~Sar~
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Peaches & Cavemen
I'm married to a Neanderthal. I don't know how that happened; I was never attracted to the caveman mentality. Oh sure, when I was a kid, I loved watching Tarzan marathons. I loved the Johnnie Weissmuller Tarzan. "Me Tarzan, you Jane." In truth, I was more impressed with Chita; the chimp made more sense than the grunting ape man. The new Tarzans are just a little too pretty to be manly and watching them swing...
On a site I visit regularly, someone described a lady's husband as an ALPHA male - capital A! That pretty much sums up the giant squid, too. He was alpha when we met:
I was dancing at a veteran's benefit at Smithsonian House in Washington, DC. He crashed the makeshift dressing rooms, informed me we were having dinner and before I knew it, we WERE having dinner. I thanked him for dinner and refused to let him kiss me. He took me home and camped out on my doorstep until I agreed to go out with him again.
A few weeks later, Alpha caveman proposed. I said no. I was too young to get married - 19 - and about to graduate from college. I wanted to live a little and see what there was to see before settling down. The Neanderthal threatened to spank me until I said yes. After one too many sore bottom sessions, I said yes.
I threatened to shoot him if he kept spanking me. He said he'd only spank me if I put my health/life or our life together in jeopardy.
Soooo...
When we got home from the dentist... I got more than a playful swat for intimidating the dentist/vampire trying to dig for blood-red gold in my mouth. You let a dentist/vampire see a little blood and they go crazy with bloodlust. I had to defend myself! And whatever the squid has to say about the rest of what happened is pure heresy and fantasy.
To avenge that completely undeserved spanking, I refused to make any more peach cobbler until he apologizes for acting like a Neanderthal.
Day 1: "How about peach cobbler, bambina? Peaches are in season."
"No, not baking today."
Day 2: "Cobbler tonight?"
"Nope."
Day 3: "There better be cobbler tonight!" the caveman growled.
"Okay."
Later, that night: "This is good, sweetheart but I was hoping for peach cobbler, not apple cobbler."
Methinks he's lucky he got *any* cobbler.
SWAT!
Tsk.
Day 4: "Peach cobbler tonight, no excuses," the Neanderthal announced as he came home mid-morning with a BUSHEL of fresh peaches.
I made peach pie.
"I could spank you for this," he informed me when I put the pie on the table after dinner.
"You could," I replied, "but I'd have to give the rest of the peaches to the crows."
"What am I going to do with you, bambina?" he asked after he ate a large portion of pie.
I made a few suggestions and while suggesting... I stripped, grabbed two peaches and squished them so their juices dribbled down my naked body. That got the caveman's immediate attention. Apparently, cavemen are fond of peaches regardless of how they are presented for consumption.
~Sar~
On a site I visit regularly, someone described a lady's husband as an ALPHA male - capital A! That pretty much sums up the giant squid, too. He was alpha when we met:
I was dancing at a veteran's benefit at Smithsonian House in Washington, DC. He crashed the makeshift dressing rooms, informed me we were having dinner and before I knew it, we WERE having dinner. I thanked him for dinner and refused to let him kiss me. He took me home and camped out on my doorstep until I agreed to go out with him again.
A few weeks later, Alpha caveman proposed. I said no. I was too young to get married - 19 - and about to graduate from college. I wanted to live a little and see what there was to see before settling down. The Neanderthal threatened to spank me until I said yes. After one too many sore bottom sessions, I said yes.
I threatened to shoot him if he kept spanking me. He said he'd only spank me if I put my health/life or our life together in jeopardy.
Soooo...
When we got home from the dentist... I got more than a playful swat for intimidating the dentist/vampire trying to dig for blood-red gold in my mouth. You let a dentist/vampire see a little blood and they go crazy with bloodlust. I had to defend myself! And whatever the squid has to say about the rest of what happened is pure heresy and fantasy.
To avenge that completely undeserved spanking, I refused to make any more peach cobbler until he apologizes for acting like a Neanderthal.
Day 1: "How about peach cobbler, bambina? Peaches are in season."
"No, not baking today."
Day 2: "Cobbler tonight?"
"Nope."
Day 3: "There better be cobbler tonight!" the caveman growled.
"Okay."
Later, that night: "This is good, sweetheart but I was hoping for peach cobbler, not apple cobbler."
Methinks he's lucky he got *any* cobbler.
SWAT!
Tsk.
Day 4: "Peach cobbler tonight, no excuses," the Neanderthal announced as he came home mid-morning with a BUSHEL of fresh peaches.
I made peach pie.
"I could spank you for this," he informed me when I put the pie on the table after dinner.
"You could," I replied, "but I'd have to give the rest of the peaches to the crows."
"What am I going to do with you, bambina?" he asked after he ate a large portion of pie.
I made a few suggestions and while suggesting... I stripped, grabbed two peaches and squished them so their juices dribbled down my naked body. That got the caveman's immediate attention. Apparently, cavemen are fond of peaches regardless of how they are presented for consumption.
~Sar~
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Sainthood!
It is a little known fact that dentists are descended from vampires. They hide their smiles behind the whitest and brightest set of teeth, so bright it blinds you to the fact that their canine teeth a.k.a. fangs, are actually longer than what one expects to see in a person who goes about during daylight hours.
"You're going in for a checkup whether you like it or not," the Neanderthal I live with announced as he took the tin of peanut brittle out of my hand. "And you're not going in with a mouthful of peanut brittle. Are we clear on this?"
"Yeah, yeah."
SWAT!
Tsk. I'm going in with a mouthful of saltwater taffy.
Ya ever notice how dentists like to use needles? Blood suckers are fond of needles. They shoot up your gums with what they call painkillers but what they're really doing is numbing you to the point that you have no clue as to what they're doing in your mouth. Vampires do this by nipping some vein or other in the side of your neck and when you're numb, they DRINK YOUR BLOOD!
"And don't call the dentist Dracula when you're in the dental chair. Last time you did that, the man requested transfer to a hospital ship in the middle of the Persian Gulf."
Tsk. There was an opening in Okinawa; he could have gone there and I won't call him Dracula. I'm thinking more along the lines of referring to him as the master of darkness.
SWAT!
Tsk.
So we get to the Navy base and the dental office and there is no one else in the waiting area except me and the giant squid. The dental assistant comes out to get me and I scan the area to see if there is more than one escape exit. Cowboy is standing in front of the door we came through. His arms are folded across his chest and he arches a brow at me and nods toward the dental assistant and the hall leading to the place of DOOM! I slip a couple pieces of taffy into my mouth and grudgingly follow the vampire drone.
"How are we today?" the dentist asks as I reluctantly sit in that stupid chair with the dohicky at the top to rest my head against.
Oh boy! This one's a citrus beverage.
"So you're the Admiral's wife," he says with a very white and bright toothy smile.
Gee! What was his clue? The fact that the giant squid is wearing summer whites and his admiral's stars are on his shoulders? The elaborate braid on his cover?
"I see you haven't had a checkup in a while. Glad you made the appointment."
I didn't make the appointment. Cowboy's yeoman made the appointment and I definitely misjudged the young man. His loyalty is supposed to be to ME and not to his commanding officer! I'll get my revenge at Christmas...
"Okay, open wide. Let's take a look," the dentist, still fearless and clueless, says with that toothy smile.
"I bite," I inform him.
"Ha ha," the man - still standing - replies. "Should I be afraid of you?" he asks.
"Very."
"You wouldn't hurt me, would you?" He's almost giddy. I think it's the smile thing. Those fangs must release laughing gas.
"Yes, I would."
"We can do this easy. Let me take a look and some x-rays and you'll be on your way. Small children aren't afraid of me," he assures me.
"Small children are more trusting than I am."
"I promise not to hurt you."
"Hurt me and I'll hurt you back."
"SAR!"
Jeez. The squid has Superman's hearing.
"You know," he pauses as he pokes around in my mouth with a mirror thing and a sterile version of an ice pick. "Ahh..." he sighs as he takes note of my taffy coated teeth. "I've heard stories about you."
"They're all true," I admit as I pull his hand out of my mouth.
"Now, now," he says. "You look too nice to act like that. I'm here to make sure you have healthy teeth and gums and nothing more. I bet you're really all bark and no bite."
This said with that white and bright toothy smile. From where I'm sitting, his canine teeth look extra large and long. He must be a mutant strain of vampire to be able to work in daylight. "Okay, that's enough," I announce and get out of that chair.
"Where are you going?" he asks, as perplexed as a cactus that lost its thorns.
"Home."
"Where are you going, imp?" my husband glares as he walks in the room.
We pause here to reminisce...
Once, when Cowboy was at sea, I woke up with a horrendous toothache. We were living in Virginia then and our friend David was on liberty and he had just bought a condo not too far from us. I called him and told him I needed to go to the dentist and could he take me? I was in too much pain to drive.
David, a senior ranked officer in the Marine Corps has sworn to protect the constitution of the United States and all that other stuff. While he drove me to the dentist, he warned me that he'd spank me if I didn't behave.
"Yeah, yeah, like that's gonna happen. Cowboy will dismember you if you do."
He rolled his eyes. What is it with that eye rolling bit? Am I supposed to be impressed? It's like convicted felons or protesters announcing they're going on a food strike if authorities don't do such and so. Am I supposed to care if they starve themselves on purpose? GO FOR IT!
Where was I? Oh... I had an abscessed tooth and needed a root canal. David came into the exam room with me and told the dentist to make sure I experienced zero pain or else. The dentist asked if he was in the room to protect me.
"Nope. I'm here to protect you."
Tsk.
So...
When Cowboy came into the room as I was attempting to leave, he wasted no time manhandling me back into the dental chair.
"Behave!"
I thought I *was* behaving. My behavior was typical me. If I had been misbehaving, I wouldn't have made a fuss. Tsk.
"Taffy?" he said when he peeked into my mouth over the dentist's shoulder.
I kept my eyes shut. I was afraid the glare from the squid's eyes combined with the dentist's white and bright toothy smile was gonna blind me for all time.
"I think we'll need to discuss this when we get home," the Neanderthal announced.
"Her teeth look good," the dentist said as my elbow was aimed toward his gut.
"Amazing," Cowboy shook his head. "The crap she eats should have rotted them all out by now."
I AM A SAINT! I didn't say a word.
But... I went back to the dentist's office at a later date and left several boxes of saltwater taffy in the waiting area and I'm not making peach cobbler for Cowboy till he apologizes for warming my butt.
~Sar~
"You're going in for a checkup whether you like it or not," the Neanderthal I live with announced as he took the tin of peanut brittle out of my hand. "And you're not going in with a mouthful of peanut brittle. Are we clear on this?"
"Yeah, yeah."
SWAT!
Tsk. I'm going in with a mouthful of saltwater taffy.
Ya ever notice how dentists like to use needles? Blood suckers are fond of needles. They shoot up your gums with what they call painkillers but what they're really doing is numbing you to the point that you have no clue as to what they're doing in your mouth. Vampires do this by nipping some vein or other in the side of your neck and when you're numb, they DRINK YOUR BLOOD!
"And don't call the dentist Dracula when you're in the dental chair. Last time you did that, the man requested transfer to a hospital ship in the middle of the Persian Gulf."
Tsk. There was an opening in Okinawa; he could have gone there and I won't call him Dracula. I'm thinking more along the lines of referring to him as the master of darkness.
SWAT!
Tsk.
So we get to the Navy base and the dental office and there is no one else in the waiting area except me and the giant squid. The dental assistant comes out to get me and I scan the area to see if there is more than one escape exit. Cowboy is standing in front of the door we came through. His arms are folded across his chest and he arches a brow at me and nods toward the dental assistant and the hall leading to the place of DOOM! I slip a couple pieces of taffy into my mouth and grudgingly follow the vampire drone.
"How are we today?" the dentist asks as I reluctantly sit in that stupid chair with the dohicky at the top to rest my head against.
Oh boy! This one's a citrus beverage.
"So you're the Admiral's wife," he says with a very white and bright toothy smile.
Gee! What was his clue? The fact that the giant squid is wearing summer whites and his admiral's stars are on his shoulders? The elaborate braid on his cover?
"I see you haven't had a checkup in a while. Glad you made the appointment."
I didn't make the appointment. Cowboy's yeoman made the appointment and I definitely misjudged the young man. His loyalty is supposed to be to ME and not to his commanding officer! I'll get my revenge at Christmas...
"Okay, open wide. Let's take a look," the dentist, still fearless and clueless, says with that toothy smile.
"I bite," I inform him.
"Ha ha," the man - still standing - replies. "Should I be afraid of you?" he asks.
"Very."
"You wouldn't hurt me, would you?" He's almost giddy. I think it's the smile thing. Those fangs must release laughing gas.
"Yes, I would."
"We can do this easy. Let me take a look and some x-rays and you'll be on your way. Small children aren't afraid of me," he assures me.
"Small children are more trusting than I am."
"I promise not to hurt you."
"Hurt me and I'll hurt you back."
"SAR!"
Jeez. The squid has Superman's hearing.
"You know," he pauses as he pokes around in my mouth with a mirror thing and a sterile version of an ice pick. "Ahh..." he sighs as he takes note of my taffy coated teeth. "I've heard stories about you."
"They're all true," I admit as I pull his hand out of my mouth.
"Now, now," he says. "You look too nice to act like that. I'm here to make sure you have healthy teeth and gums and nothing more. I bet you're really all bark and no bite."
This said with that white and bright toothy smile. From where I'm sitting, his canine teeth look extra large and long. He must be a mutant strain of vampire to be able to work in daylight. "Okay, that's enough," I announce and get out of that chair.
"Where are you going?" he asks, as perplexed as a cactus that lost its thorns.
"Home."
"Where are you going, imp?" my husband glares as he walks in the room.
We pause here to reminisce...
Once, when Cowboy was at sea, I woke up with a horrendous toothache. We were living in Virginia then and our friend David was on liberty and he had just bought a condo not too far from us. I called him and told him I needed to go to the dentist and could he take me? I was in too much pain to drive.
David, a senior ranked officer in the Marine Corps has sworn to protect the constitution of the United States and all that other stuff. While he drove me to the dentist, he warned me that he'd spank me if I didn't behave.
"Yeah, yeah, like that's gonna happen. Cowboy will dismember you if you do."
He rolled his eyes. What is it with that eye rolling bit? Am I supposed to be impressed? It's like convicted felons or protesters announcing they're going on a food strike if authorities don't do such and so. Am I supposed to care if they starve themselves on purpose? GO FOR IT!
Where was I? Oh... I had an abscessed tooth and needed a root canal. David came into the exam room with me and told the dentist to make sure I experienced zero pain or else. The dentist asked if he was in the room to protect me.
"Nope. I'm here to protect you."
Tsk.
So...
When Cowboy came into the room as I was attempting to leave, he wasted no time manhandling me back into the dental chair.
"Behave!"
I thought I *was* behaving. My behavior was typical me. If I had been misbehaving, I wouldn't have made a fuss. Tsk.
"Taffy?" he said when he peeked into my mouth over the dentist's shoulder.
I kept my eyes shut. I was afraid the glare from the squid's eyes combined with the dentist's white and bright toothy smile was gonna blind me for all time.
"I think we'll need to discuss this when we get home," the Neanderthal announced.
"Her teeth look good," the dentist said as my elbow was aimed toward his gut.
"Amazing," Cowboy shook his head. "The crap she eats should have rotted them all out by now."
I AM A SAINT! I didn't say a word.
But... I went back to the dentist's office at a later date and left several boxes of saltwater taffy in the waiting area and I'm not making peach cobbler for Cowboy till he apologizes for warming my butt.
~Sar~
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
My Turn!
The imp's version of what occurs often omits salient facts.
We left Iceland intact and the Keflavik Naval Air Station is only slightly worse for wear. Their security was beefed up after the imp demonstrated her innocent smile and her skill with lock picks. My reputation as a no nonsense officer was severely damaged. Her innocent smile wins me over every time. I owe her a swat for that one.
When we arrived on base I received the salutes and greetings from those subordinate in rank as is military protocol. The 2 officers equal to me ignored me until they had greeted Sar. I felt like JFK did when he went to Paris with his wife and announced he was the man who escorted Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy. I was also invisible when we ate at the Officers Club. The chef went out of his way to ask Sar what she wanted to eat that he would personally cook for her. He ignored me.
The credit card company was so impressed with Sar's spending, they raised my limit. I owe her a swat for that one too.
D.C.: A few of my old Seal Team buddies were in town for the 4th as were other Seals from the time of my active duty in the Teams. It was great to spend time with them and remember events and people. I didn't object when Sar left us to our conversation but I thought she was going out to shop. I didn't realize she was going to the zoo.
Sar loves zoos and they are dangerous places for her to be by herself. She wants to adopt all the babies. Next, she wants to eat everything there is to eat. I'm wrong. She wants to eat first, adopt the animals second. I am grateful the zoo does not have one of those "give this animal a good home" programs. Exotic animals belong in zoos, not in my backyard and no, she's not getting a giraffe or any other creature that belongs to the jungle or the savanna or elsewhere in the wild.
The minute she walked in the hotel room I knew she had been to the zoo. She had the "full" look which she gets when she's been eating junk all day and she was "high." The zoo always makes her high. Between all those snacks and chocolate and seeing all those animals, Sar doesn't understand why people do drugs. Neither do I. I owe her another swat for eating all that junk.
We were able to see an impressive fireworks display even with the rain. Friends arranged for us to have seats on the covered deck of a paddleboat. From the Potomac, the view was outstanding. Sar was ecstatic with the show and I admit, watching her was better than watching fireworks.
When we got home I was the invisible man again. The pups were all over her and pretty much ignored me. This is ok with me. I gave them some time to reconnect and after a while I went out to the back deck to see how the love fest was going on. Sar was asleep on a deck chair with 5 pups dangling off the side of the chair or at her feet. This is how it is when you live with a "dog whisperer." I carried her inside and got her ready for bed.
The next morning I told her I owed her a spanking. She yawned in my face but if the UPS guy has to make twice daily deliveries, she's definitely in for one of those hand-to-butt discussions. Yeah, I'm a Neanderthal and proud of it!
Cowboy
We left Iceland intact and the Keflavik Naval Air Station is only slightly worse for wear. Their security was beefed up after the imp demonstrated her innocent smile and her skill with lock picks. My reputation as a no nonsense officer was severely damaged. Her innocent smile wins me over every time. I owe her a swat for that one.
When we arrived on base I received the salutes and greetings from those subordinate in rank as is military protocol. The 2 officers equal to me ignored me until they had greeted Sar. I felt like JFK did when he went to Paris with his wife and announced he was the man who escorted Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy. I was also invisible when we ate at the Officers Club. The chef went out of his way to ask Sar what she wanted to eat that he would personally cook for her. He ignored me.
The credit card company was so impressed with Sar's spending, they raised my limit. I owe her a swat for that one too.
D.C.: A few of my old Seal Team buddies were in town for the 4th as were other Seals from the time of my active duty in the Teams. It was great to spend time with them and remember events and people. I didn't object when Sar left us to our conversation but I thought she was going out to shop. I didn't realize she was going to the zoo.
Sar loves zoos and they are dangerous places for her to be by herself. She wants to adopt all the babies. Next, she wants to eat everything there is to eat. I'm wrong. She wants to eat first, adopt the animals second. I am grateful the zoo does not have one of those "give this animal a good home" programs. Exotic animals belong in zoos, not in my backyard and no, she's not getting a giraffe or any other creature that belongs to the jungle or the savanna or elsewhere in the wild.
The minute she walked in the hotel room I knew she had been to the zoo. She had the "full" look which she gets when she's been eating junk all day and she was "high." The zoo always makes her high. Between all those snacks and chocolate and seeing all those animals, Sar doesn't understand why people do drugs. Neither do I. I owe her another swat for eating all that junk.
We were able to see an impressive fireworks display even with the rain. Friends arranged for us to have seats on the covered deck of a paddleboat. From the Potomac, the view was outstanding. Sar was ecstatic with the show and I admit, watching her was better than watching fireworks.
When we got home I was the invisible man again. The pups were all over her and pretty much ignored me. This is ok with me. I gave them some time to reconnect and after a while I went out to the back deck to see how the love fest was going on. Sar was asleep on a deck chair with 5 pups dangling off the side of the chair or at her feet. This is how it is when you live with a "dog whisperer." I carried her inside and got her ready for bed.
The next morning I told her I owed her a spanking. She yawned in my face but if the UPS guy has to make twice daily deliveries, she's definitely in for one of those hand-to-butt discussions. Yeah, I'm a Neanderthal and proud of it!
Cowboy
Sunday, July 09, 2006
My Version
Regardless of what the giant squid says, this is the way it happened.
We left Iceland intact. I didn't do any damage although I did make an idle comment that pickled herring might not be the best choice for a "national fish." And I might have mentioned that they need a larger inventory of better chocolates in their grocery stores and specialty shops. Then there was the TOTAL lack of root beer. There were no Kraft macaroni & cheese boxes anywhere AND they never heard of Twinkies.
Shocked!
This lack of Twinkies could easily qualify them as a third-world country. My apologies to the Ho-Ho fanatics. Good thing I brought my own supply and yes, I easily converted a few natives.
We flew from Iceland to Washington, D.C. where Cowboy communed with his old Seal buddies. Our hotel room reeked of testosterone so I left them to their male bonding and scooted off to the zoo.
~sigh~
I love zoos.
My favorite exhibits are the pandas and the eagles and the elephants and the tigers. The food concessions are wonderful! I ate a lot. The petting zoo was extra nice. I got to pet a baby elephant. In about a week, it will be too big so I petted like crazy. There was a curious giraffe that occasionally dipped its head down to be fed and it was love at first sight. I told the giant squid I'd have to check the homeowners association regs to see if we could have one.
He said no.
Tsk.
I may have to look into that myself. Giraffes have the most amazing eyes and eyelashes, really beautiful creatures. Surely, somewhere in the U.S., there's an "adopt-a-giraffe" program.
"I said no!"
Ya suppose he was talking to me? No, I don't think so, either.
SWAT!
Tsk.
Mr. Grumpy was not happy I went to the zoo by myself. Too bad. He was busy swapping Sealy stories with the guys. I couldn't just sit there and besides... I hadn't had a chance to commandeer his other credit cards. The one I used in Iceland was still smoking.
The weather was really damp on the 4th but we still enjoyed the fireworks display. By the time we left D.C., I was more than ready to sleep in my own bed.
The pups were delirious to see us. Well... they were happy to see me. They pretty much ignored the giant squid. He said now that we're home, things things?? will return to normal. I interpret this to mean that I need to do something heinous to his right arm in order to save my innocent butt.
I immediately left the room, walking backwards.
"What did you do, Sar?" the always suspicious Neanderthal asked.
"Me? I'm innocent, I tell you."
Truly, it's quite tacky to watch a grown man roll his eyes.
Sar
We left Iceland intact. I didn't do any damage although I did make an idle comment that pickled herring might not be the best choice for a "national fish." And I might have mentioned that they need a larger inventory of better chocolates in their grocery stores and specialty shops. Then there was the TOTAL lack of root beer. There were no Kraft macaroni & cheese boxes anywhere AND they never heard of Twinkies.
Shocked!
This lack of Twinkies could easily qualify them as a third-world country. My apologies to the Ho-Ho fanatics. Good thing I brought my own supply and yes, I easily converted a few natives.
We flew from Iceland to Washington, D.C. where Cowboy communed with his old Seal buddies. Our hotel room reeked of testosterone so I left them to their male bonding and scooted off to the zoo.
~sigh~
I love zoos.
My favorite exhibits are the pandas and the eagles and the elephants and the tigers. The food concessions are wonderful! I ate a lot. The petting zoo was extra nice. I got to pet a baby elephant. In about a week, it will be too big so I petted like crazy. There was a curious giraffe that occasionally dipped its head down to be fed and it was love at first sight. I told the giant squid I'd have to check the homeowners association regs to see if we could have one.
He said no.
Tsk.
I may have to look into that myself. Giraffes have the most amazing eyes and eyelashes, really beautiful creatures. Surely, somewhere in the U.S., there's an "adopt-a-giraffe" program.
"I said no!"
Ya suppose he was talking to me? No, I don't think so, either.
SWAT!
Tsk.
Mr. Grumpy was not happy I went to the zoo by myself. Too bad. He was busy swapping Sealy stories with the guys. I couldn't just sit there and besides... I hadn't had a chance to commandeer his other credit cards. The one I used in Iceland was still smoking.
The weather was really damp on the 4th but we still enjoyed the fireworks display. By the time we left D.C., I was more than ready to sleep in my own bed.
The pups were delirious to see us. Well... they were happy to see me. They pretty much ignored the giant squid. He said now that we're home, things things?? will return to normal. I interpret this to mean that I need to do something heinous to his right arm in order to save my innocent butt.
I immediately left the room, walking backwards.
"What did you do, Sar?" the always suspicious Neanderthal asked.
"Me? I'm innocent, I tell you."
Truly, it's quite tacky to watch a grown man roll his eyes.
Sar
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Trip: Phase 2
We leave Iceland on Sunday, heading toward D.C. to celebrate the 4th of July in our nation's capital. We love this holiday commemorating our independence as a free nation. We were in Boston one year - a lot of tea got wasted in the harbor - probably, Earl Grey... and we ate a lot of good seafood. Celebrating in Washington is a treat. There's a concert on the mall, fireworks galore and of course, we get to visit old haunts.
We're supposed to stay at a friend's condo in Virginia but I'm pushing to stay at the Woodland Park Sheraton which is one subway stop away from the National Zoo. I've been there before - they have Maryland crab cakes on the lunch buffet! The giant squid is thinking about it. He doesn't mind taking me to the zoo but he says he doesn't want me to eat my way across the whole place. Tsk. The zoo is so large I can barely eat my way across half of it.
SWAT
Tsk
We'll stop by Smithsonian House. That's where we met and that's where we were married a heck of a lot of spankings ago. And we'll go to Arlington because it's always good to visit old friends to let them know we continue to think of them. At the end of each visit we make a final stop at the Tomb of the Unknowns. Today's technology helps us identify most remains but Cowboy sees the Tomb as a memorial to all the valiant warriors that remain MIA or are buried in unknown places.
4th of July celebrations include parades and hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill and cherry cokes and root beer floats and lots of pie. Cherry pie is traditional and so are apple pie and blueberry pie. Mr. Grumpy isn't too happy about this. He looks forward to a thick slice of peach pie. I'll eat the blueberry and probably eat his share too. I like blueberry pie served hot with vanilla ice cream on top. It takes about a pint and a half of ice cream to cover a pie - perfect! I like to get a mouthful and smile... then I can gross out all the old ladies tsking away at how much I'm consuming.
Where does she put it?
In my mouth, you moron!
SWAT
Tsk
We get to eat all these treats at a tent reserved for military visitors during the celebrations. Cowboy says the ladies serving are members of the DAR - Daughters of the American Revolution. I've seen some of these ladies and some of them probably saw the revolution first hand... for sure some of them are also members of the temperance union. This might be the time for me to sing "God Save the Queen."
SWAT!
Tsk
Called home last night to check on my pups. BullyBoy complained about the lack of beer but our house sitter said he was getting beaten to death by Bully's happy end as he listened to me talk to him on the speakerphone. I promised him a six-pack as soon as I get home - BullyBoy, not the house sitter. The Rott whined and wanted to know when I'd be home. I don't know why folks think Rotts are so ferocious; mine is a mama's boy.
DomTom played the innocent card and purred into the phone. DomTom only purrs when he's been up to mischief. I wonder where he learned that. The house sitter said Miss Emmy lost one of her lives when she sneaked out onto the back deck. The outside Rott, Tank, caught her and slobbered over her and it scared her to death. She's been under the bed since Tuesday.
House sitter also said Tank and Panda made whoopee in the middle of the backyard. I don't have the heart to tell Tank that Panda was fixed a long time ago. Cowboy says as long as they're enjoying themselves and we won't get puppies, who cares? Well... I know for a fact that my almost-98-year-old neighbor, Peeper Patterson took pictures... and he's been showing them around the neighborhood. Our neighbor Ms.HairUpHerAss is easily grossed out. I wonder if I should let Tank and Panda into the front yard where all the neighbors can watch the show live...
SWAT
Tsk
We'll be home in a few days and the pups will go back to their normal diet of eating what I eat. I found a supply of the original Cracker Jack in a box with prizes in Reykjavik of all places. I bought the inventory and had it shipped home. I also emailed the grocer to ship a crate of Kraft Mac & Cheese to the house - one can never have enough of that on hand. Between that and my Twinkie stash, the pups and I can eat very well when Cowboy leaves the house.
Will try to send a note from D.C. but no promises. I know my way around that town and it's my responsibility to make sure Cowboy has his hands full chasing me hither, thither and yon. He doesn't seem to mind the hither and thither. It's the yon that usually gets me in trouble.
~Sar~
We're supposed to stay at a friend's condo in Virginia but I'm pushing to stay at the Woodland Park Sheraton which is one subway stop away from the National Zoo. I've been there before - they have Maryland crab cakes on the lunch buffet! The giant squid is thinking about it. He doesn't mind taking me to the zoo but he says he doesn't want me to eat my way across the whole place. Tsk. The zoo is so large I can barely eat my way across half of it.
SWAT
Tsk
We'll stop by Smithsonian House. That's where we met and that's where we were married a heck of a lot of spankings ago. And we'll go to Arlington because it's always good to visit old friends to let them know we continue to think of them. At the end of each visit we make a final stop at the Tomb of the Unknowns. Today's technology helps us identify most remains but Cowboy sees the Tomb as a memorial to all the valiant warriors that remain MIA or are buried in unknown places.
4th of July celebrations include parades and hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill and cherry cokes and root beer floats and lots of pie. Cherry pie is traditional and so are apple pie and blueberry pie. Mr. Grumpy isn't too happy about this. He looks forward to a thick slice of peach pie. I'll eat the blueberry and probably eat his share too. I like blueberry pie served hot with vanilla ice cream on top. It takes about a pint and a half of ice cream to cover a pie - perfect! I like to get a mouthful and smile... then I can gross out all the old ladies tsking away at how much I'm consuming.
Where does she put it?
In my mouth, you moron!
SWAT
Tsk
We get to eat all these treats at a tent reserved for military visitors during the celebrations. Cowboy says the ladies serving are members of the DAR - Daughters of the American Revolution. I've seen some of these ladies and some of them probably saw the revolution first hand... for sure some of them are also members of the temperance union. This might be the time for me to sing "God Save the Queen."
SWAT!
Tsk
Called home last night to check on my pups. BullyBoy complained about the lack of beer but our house sitter said he was getting beaten to death by Bully's happy end as he listened to me talk to him on the speakerphone. I promised him a six-pack as soon as I get home - BullyBoy, not the house sitter. The Rott whined and wanted to know when I'd be home. I don't know why folks think Rotts are so ferocious; mine is a mama's boy.
DomTom played the innocent card and purred into the phone. DomTom only purrs when he's been up to mischief. I wonder where he learned that. The house sitter said Miss Emmy lost one of her lives when she sneaked out onto the back deck. The outside Rott, Tank, caught her and slobbered over her and it scared her to death. She's been under the bed since Tuesday.
House sitter also said Tank and Panda made whoopee in the middle of the backyard. I don't have the heart to tell Tank that Panda was fixed a long time ago. Cowboy says as long as they're enjoying themselves and we won't get puppies, who cares? Well... I know for a fact that my almost-98-year-old neighbor, Peeper Patterson took pictures... and he's been showing them around the neighborhood. Our neighbor Ms.HairUpHerAss is easily grossed out. I wonder if I should let Tank and Panda into the front yard where all the neighbors can watch the show live...
SWAT
Tsk
We'll be home in a few days and the pups will go back to their normal diet of eating what I eat. I found a supply of the original Cracker Jack in a box with prizes in Reykjavik of all places. I bought the inventory and had it shipped home. I also emailed the grocer to ship a crate of Kraft Mac & Cheese to the house - one can never have enough of that on hand. Between that and my Twinkie stash, the pups and I can eat very well when Cowboy leaves the house.
Will try to send a note from D.C. but no promises. I know my way around that town and it's my responsibility to make sure Cowboy has his hands full chasing me hither, thither and yon. He doesn't seem to mind the hither and thither. It's the yon that usually gets me in trouble.
~Sar~
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Top 'O the World!
Well, almost the top of the world, not quite. We're in Iceland and it is absolutely spectacular here! And it's cool! They're having a heat wave back home with temps in the 90s but here it's mid 40s and the sun is shining and it is just beautiful!
We had a direct flight from Whidbey Island and after a snack from my duffel bag, I leaned against the giant squid and slept the entire way. It's what I do best on airplanes. According to the Neanderthal, it keeps me out of mischief but it also makes me well rested for whatever is going to happen when we land.
Naturally I was starved when that happened and to keep me happy, the giant squid took me to an old-fashioned TEXAS Bar-B-Q house IN ICELAND! I ate everything and since I was bouncing with excess energy, we took a nice long walk along the main shopping street. Cowboy held onto my hand as we walked because he says he could blink and I could disappear from view.
"Tsk. That would never happen. It would take at least two blinks."
SWAT!
Tsk.
He is fond of saying we were window shopping... I saw it as "casing the area" so I'd know which shops needed contributions from his credit card. Christmas isn't that far away; I wanted to get a few things. That's why I packed an empty duffel bag... We also found an ice cream shoppe so we stopped in there, too.
So far, so good.
We stayed at the visiting officers' quarters at the naval base for the first few nights and when Cowboy's military tasks were completed, we moved into an Icelandic hotel. We'll be here a couple more days before flying home for a week or so and then we're off again.
While Cowboy was busy at the base, one of the other officer's wives took me out shopping and sight seeing. We were stationed here for a brief period many years ago and things have changed a lot. The views, the water, the geysers, panoramic and all still breathtaking. The shops, the restaurants, the "night" scene - much more "Western" with a European flavor.
Looking out over the ocean, it feels like I'm standing on top of the world. Cowboy says the North Pole is the top of the world but he's a sailor and he navigates by stars and the night sky and sometimes, by where the sun is positioned overhead. I'm a land lubber - when I'm standing on some naturally high edifice with solid ground beneath my feet and I look out over the ocean, it feels like I'm at the top of the world.
"The North Pole, bambina, not Iceland."
"What about Lapland?"
"What about it?"
"Allegedly, Santa lives at the North Pole but don't his reindeers come from Lapland? I think Lapland might be the top of the world."
SWAT!
Jeez. Sailors are a sensitive bunch.
"Do you suppose Santa has a summer home there? If he does, he could get a spare team in case Donder and Blunder and Trixie and Mixin and Rudolph get too old."
SWAT!
Good God! Don't ruin a little boy's fantasies about Santa Claus no matter how old or tall or senior ranked he is.
SWAT!
Double tsk!
Shopping here has been wunderbar! Most folks speak English, some speak German or one of the Nordic tongues - Danish, Swedish, Norn - and of course, Icelandic. I love hearing all the different languages and I tried hard to learn how to say a few naughty words in Icelandic but everyone I asked knew Cowboy and chose to stay out of the brig. Big wusses.
At the end of my second shopping day, Cowboy asked me to give his credit card back.
"Why?"
"Cause it's burning so hot, it's been sending me smoke signals all day."
"What do the smoke signals say?"
"They say if you don't slow down, I'm going to smoke your butt."
Tsk! I was shocked.
"That's very kinky."
SWAT!
Double tsk. The credit card company must have called him.
We went sight seeing and later, all bundled up in sweaters and parkas, we went out on a sailboat. The sun was shining, the wind mild enough for us but strong enough for the sails and absolutely stunning scenery. At night, a whole group of us met on the beach, lit a fire and ate pickled herring and some kind of wheat cake and drank a hot brew that made me a little tipsy... Apparently a little too tipsy because it was later reported that a U.S. Navy Admiral's wife began singing all twelve verses to "The Bastard King of England." Surely that could NOT have been me - I only know eight verses.
Cowboy said it wasn't much longer after that when he said our goodnights and he rushed me back to the hotel and took advantage of my slightly drunken state. Tsk. The man is totally lacking in couth.
~Sar~
We had a direct flight from Whidbey Island and after a snack from my duffel bag, I leaned against the giant squid and slept the entire way. It's what I do best on airplanes. According to the Neanderthal, it keeps me out of mischief but it also makes me well rested for whatever is going to happen when we land.
Naturally I was starved when that happened and to keep me happy, the giant squid took me to an old-fashioned TEXAS Bar-B-Q house IN ICELAND! I ate everything and since I was bouncing with excess energy, we took a nice long walk along the main shopping street. Cowboy held onto my hand as we walked because he says he could blink and I could disappear from view.
"Tsk. That would never happen. It would take at least two blinks."
SWAT!
Tsk.
He is fond of saying we were window shopping... I saw it as "casing the area" so I'd know which shops needed contributions from his credit card. Christmas isn't that far away; I wanted to get a few things. That's why I packed an empty duffel bag... We also found an ice cream shoppe so we stopped in there, too.
So far, so good.
We stayed at the visiting officers' quarters at the naval base for the first few nights and when Cowboy's military tasks were completed, we moved into an Icelandic hotel. We'll be here a couple more days before flying home for a week or so and then we're off again.
While Cowboy was busy at the base, one of the other officer's wives took me out shopping and sight seeing. We were stationed here for a brief period many years ago and things have changed a lot. The views, the water, the geysers, panoramic and all still breathtaking. The shops, the restaurants, the "night" scene - much more "Western" with a European flavor.
Looking out over the ocean, it feels like I'm standing on top of the world. Cowboy says the North Pole is the top of the world but he's a sailor and he navigates by stars and the night sky and sometimes, by where the sun is positioned overhead. I'm a land lubber - when I'm standing on some naturally high edifice with solid ground beneath my feet and I look out over the ocean, it feels like I'm at the top of the world.
"The North Pole, bambina, not Iceland."
"What about Lapland?"
"What about it?"
"Allegedly, Santa lives at the North Pole but don't his reindeers come from Lapland? I think Lapland might be the top of the world."
SWAT!
Jeez. Sailors are a sensitive bunch.
"Do you suppose Santa has a summer home there? If he does, he could get a spare team in case Donder and Blunder and Trixie and Mixin and Rudolph get too old."
SWAT!
Good God! Don't ruin a little boy's fantasies about Santa Claus no matter how old or tall or senior ranked he is.
SWAT!
Double tsk!
Shopping here has been wunderbar! Most folks speak English, some speak German or one of the Nordic tongues - Danish, Swedish, Norn - and of course, Icelandic. I love hearing all the different languages and I tried hard to learn how to say a few naughty words in Icelandic but everyone I asked knew Cowboy and chose to stay out of the brig. Big wusses.
At the end of my second shopping day, Cowboy asked me to give his credit card back.
"Why?"
"Cause it's burning so hot, it's been sending me smoke signals all day."
"What do the smoke signals say?"
"They say if you don't slow down, I'm going to smoke your butt."
Tsk! I was shocked.
"That's very kinky."
SWAT!
Double tsk. The credit card company must have called him.
We went sight seeing and later, all bundled up in sweaters and parkas, we went out on a sailboat. The sun was shining, the wind mild enough for us but strong enough for the sails and absolutely stunning scenery. At night, a whole group of us met on the beach, lit a fire and ate pickled herring and some kind of wheat cake and drank a hot brew that made me a little tipsy... Apparently a little too tipsy because it was later reported that a U.S. Navy Admiral's wife began singing all twelve verses to "The Bastard King of England." Surely that could NOT have been me - I only know eight verses.
Cowboy said it wasn't much longer after that when he said our goodnights and he rushed me back to the hotel and took advantage of my slightly drunken state. Tsk. The man is totally lacking in couth.
~Sar~
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Summer Travels
Cowboy here. The imp is busy doing imp things. Not sure I want to know what that entails. We were supposed to go out of town yesterday but a last minute glitch delayed our trip for a few days. I have a temporary duty assignment elsewhere and am taking Sar with me.
She's packed and ready to go. We're sharing a duffel that's loaded with chocolate and Cracker Jacks and Twinkies and very few clothes. Fortunately, my uniforms are in a garment bag. I suspect my credit card will get a good workout; Sar will probably buy anything she needs (and wants) when we get to our destination.
We'll be visiting Navy bases. Half of the base commandants are eager to see the imp; she's a favorite of theirs. The other half are using her visit as an opportunity to test their security. I hope she didn't pack her lock picks.
The animals know she's leaving. They don't seem to mind when I go out of town but when they see her pack chocolate, they know she's leaving and they're not happy about it. When I go out of town, Sar feeds them extra treats like all the meat in the freezer and they'll eat a lot more takeout. Beer and wine consumption goes up too. Sar doesn't drink beer and she isn't much of a wine drinker but I notice my Port and Merlot supplies are diminished when I get home. The Rott is a wine-o.
She spent most of this afternoon on the back deck with all her pups. Our outside Rotts think the sun rises and sets on her and rightly so. We rescued them when they were less than a year old and in bad shape and today they are 2 handsome and healthy and well trained dogs. Both of them continue to charge toward her when they see her but also skid to a stop before bowling her over. The male Rott outweighs her by about 10-15 lbs. and the female Rott has at least 5 lbs. on her. One of my favorite photos of her is one with the big Rott's head resting in her lap.
All 4 dogs, 3 Rotts and the Mastiff lay as close to her as they can get. I stand at the back door and listen to her. She talks to them and they talk back making throat sounds. Rotts can be very cat-like. Ours make a soft growling sound that is a sound of content similar to a cat's purr. We are still fostering the much older bloodhound Archie. He lays at Sar's feet and seems happy to be there.
We have a house/pet sitter that stays here when we're away. Sar will call home every couple of nights to make sure all is ok. The house sitter says the dogs get excited when they hear her voice on the speakerphone. Come to think of it, so do I.
We'll try to update the blog during our travels. Sar is bound to have something to say about where we've been and just how much of a Neanderthal I can be when I'm in uniform. Don't let that air of innocence she portrays fool you. I can guarantee she's bound to earn a swat or 2 while we're away.
Cowboy
She's packed and ready to go. We're sharing a duffel that's loaded with chocolate and Cracker Jacks and Twinkies and very few clothes. Fortunately, my uniforms are in a garment bag. I suspect my credit card will get a good workout; Sar will probably buy anything she needs (and wants) when we get to our destination.
We'll be visiting Navy bases. Half of the base commandants are eager to see the imp; she's a favorite of theirs. The other half are using her visit as an opportunity to test their security. I hope she didn't pack her lock picks.
The animals know she's leaving. They don't seem to mind when I go out of town but when they see her pack chocolate, they know she's leaving and they're not happy about it. When I go out of town, Sar feeds them extra treats like all the meat in the freezer and they'll eat a lot more takeout. Beer and wine consumption goes up too. Sar doesn't drink beer and she isn't much of a wine drinker but I notice my Port and Merlot supplies are diminished when I get home. The Rott is a wine-o.
She spent most of this afternoon on the back deck with all her pups. Our outside Rotts think the sun rises and sets on her and rightly so. We rescued them when they were less than a year old and in bad shape and today they are 2 handsome and healthy and well trained dogs. Both of them continue to charge toward her when they see her but also skid to a stop before bowling her over. The male Rott outweighs her by about 10-15 lbs. and the female Rott has at least 5 lbs. on her. One of my favorite photos of her is one with the big Rott's head resting in her lap.
All 4 dogs, 3 Rotts and the Mastiff lay as close to her as they can get. I stand at the back door and listen to her. She talks to them and they talk back making throat sounds. Rotts can be very cat-like. Ours make a soft growling sound that is a sound of content similar to a cat's purr. We are still fostering the much older bloodhound Archie. He lays at Sar's feet and seems happy to be there.
We have a house/pet sitter that stays here when we're away. Sar will call home every couple of nights to make sure all is ok. The house sitter says the dogs get excited when they hear her voice on the speakerphone. Come to think of it, so do I.
We'll try to update the blog during our travels. Sar is bound to have something to say about where we've been and just how much of a Neanderthal I can be when I'm in uniform. Don't let that air of innocence she portrays fool you. I can guarantee she's bound to earn a swat or 2 while we're away.
Cowboy
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Cowpoke
His Holiness had night duty the other night, not something he does often any more but a matter needed his attention and he elected to get it done when things were quieter at the base.
I have occasional bouts of insomnia and sleep even less when he's not at home. I'm used to sleeping with his large paw around me and even though it's annoying to hear him growl in his sleep when I try to get out of bed in the middle of the night, it's one more constant that I'm used to.
So... years ago I made a giant squid clone to take to bed with me. It slept with me every time Cowboy went off to sea and sleeps with me whenever the squid is on night duty.
I think he's jealous.
Cowboy's clone is a soft-cloth doll, almost 5 feet tall and when I presented him to Cowboy as a Christmas present eons ago, he thought it was cute. He didn't expect me to sleep with it.
Usually the clone is dressed in jeans, a T-shirt, loafers without socks and underneath, it's wearing boxers. Did I mention when I made him... I made him anatomically correct?
Mama mia!
When he... er... it sleeps with me, it's only wearing boxers. I call him Cowpoke. I snuggle back into its chest, put its arms around me and I sleep better.
So... Cowboy comes home after night duty - about 6 a.m. and there I am in bed with his clone.
Tsk.
To say he wasn't thrilled to see me in bed with another... even though that "other" was him... is an understatement. Poor Cowpoke. He... er... it was violently thrown across the room, hit the wall, slid to the floor and ended up all twisted, arms and legs and private parts - peeking out from under the boxers - tsk and double tsk.
The pups, hearing the commotion, rushed into the room and dragged poor Cowpoke out by the neck.
"KILL!" Cowboy yells.
Tsk.
Cowpoke has had a most unorthodox autopsy.
"Now who am I going to sleep with?" I asked.
"Me!" the Neanderthal announced and gave me a SWAT!
"What was that for?"
"You looked like you were enjoying yourself too much. I don't want you sleeping with that thing any more!"
I can barely type. I'm giggling so much. The giant squid is jealous of his clone. I'll just have to make another one I guess.
SWAT
Double tsk.
~Sar~
I have occasional bouts of insomnia and sleep even less when he's not at home. I'm used to sleeping with his large paw around me and even though it's annoying to hear him growl in his sleep when I try to get out of bed in the middle of the night, it's one more constant that I'm used to.
So... years ago I made a giant squid clone to take to bed with me. It slept with me every time Cowboy went off to sea and sleeps with me whenever the squid is on night duty.
I think he's jealous.
Cowboy's clone is a soft-cloth doll, almost 5 feet tall and when I presented him to Cowboy as a Christmas present eons ago, he thought it was cute. He didn't expect me to sleep with it.
Usually the clone is dressed in jeans, a T-shirt, loafers without socks and underneath, it's wearing boxers. Did I mention when I made him... I made him anatomically correct?
Mama mia!
When he... er... it sleeps with me, it's only wearing boxers. I call him Cowpoke. I snuggle back into its chest, put its arms around me and I sleep better.
So... Cowboy comes home after night duty - about 6 a.m. and there I am in bed with his clone.
Tsk.
To say he wasn't thrilled to see me in bed with another... even though that "other" was him... is an understatement. Poor Cowpoke. He... er... it was violently thrown across the room, hit the wall, slid to the floor and ended up all twisted, arms and legs and private parts - peeking out from under the boxers - tsk and double tsk.
The pups, hearing the commotion, rushed into the room and dragged poor Cowpoke out by the neck.
"KILL!" Cowboy yells.
Tsk.
Cowpoke has had a most unorthodox autopsy.
"Now who am I going to sleep with?" I asked.
"Me!" the Neanderthal announced and gave me a SWAT!
"What was that for?"
"You looked like you were enjoying yourself too much. I don't want you sleeping with that thing any more!"
I can barely type. I'm giggling so much. The giant squid is jealous of his clone. I'll just have to make another one I guess.
SWAT
Double tsk.
~Sar~
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Happy Birthday Time!
The giant squid had a birthday a few days ago. I think all year long, he lives in fear of what I might do to help him celebrate.
Big wuss.
As usual, he told me not to make a fuss. He wanted a quiet dinner, peach cobbler for dessert and no gag gifts. He said he was getting older and a quiet celebration was just fine.
"Uh huh."
"I mean it, Sar. Nothing overboard."
So I made sure we had a lovely dinner, peach cobbler for dessert and no gag gifts on his birthday.
However...
The night before...
We had a slam dunk of a party! It was GREAT! I invited a bunch of friends, had a LOT of gag gifts and more peach cobbler and streamers and whoopee cushions. There was also a piñata filled with taffy (and condoms... These are sailors and marines - don't ask, don't tell, don't even think about it) and a male stripper jumped out of a cake and the other ladies and I enjoyed e-v-e-r-y second of that act.
Cowboy was speechless! Naturally I took a picture of that "rarer than Haley's Comet" moment.
Once everyone had calmed down, the stripper had left, and the cake was being consumed, I set up an ancient 8MM film projector. Everybody teased me about the old technology but were in stitches when I showed film of the former Seal-currently Admiral as a boy... washing a car, flirting with the camera as he tried to make hoops, wrestling with David in the backyard of his childhood home. There were also a few shots of him at a very early age - his mama wiping his face with a wet cloth because he had marinara sauce EVERYWHERE.
LOL! He was really a good sport about the whole thing. Of course, I kept a BIG distance between us until I was sure he was a little tipsy from all the wine he consumed. I also managed to stand behind one of his larger-than-life friends when I noticed "that look" when his gaze found me.
Happy Birthday cake and ice cream and presents were all wonderful. He enjoyed it in spite of all the naughty stuff but what's a birthday party without pony rides? Dutifully, everyone followed me out to the back deck and Lo! and behold! A beautiful pony was in our backyard, saddled and ready for us. The pony's owner took one look at Cowboy and said he was too big to ride that sweet creature so naturally, I got to ride it instead. I think Cowboy was relieved. It would have looked funny if he got in the saddle and his feet touched the ground. Tsk. It would have made a great picture.
All the ladies got a ride and while we were taking turns, the birthday boy assured me I would be getting "his" birthday spanking later that evening... Hmm... This was worrisome because the giant squid is so o-l-d, he probably wouldn't be able to count that high and keep the numbers straight. I thought about making flash cards.
When everyone finally left for the evening and he was reaching a Pop-Eye arm out to grab me, I reminded him that his birthday wasn't until the next day so spanking me would be premature.
He said he needed the practice.
Oy!
Lots of hugging and kissing and far too many swats later, the band played on. Later, when we were cuddling and enjoying that sweet time before sleep took over, I noticed my pups were sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed watching us.
Uh-oh! The pups are always locked out of the bedroom when Cowboy is home. I swear... both the Mastiff and the Rott looked like they were desperate for a cigarette.
Tsk.
~Sar~
Big wuss.
As usual, he told me not to make a fuss. He wanted a quiet dinner, peach cobbler for dessert and no gag gifts. He said he was getting older and a quiet celebration was just fine.
"Uh huh."
"I mean it, Sar. Nothing overboard."
So I made sure we had a lovely dinner, peach cobbler for dessert and no gag gifts on his birthday.
However...
The night before...
We had a slam dunk of a party! It was GREAT! I invited a bunch of friends, had a LOT of gag gifts and more peach cobbler and streamers and whoopee cushions. There was also a piñata filled with taffy (and condoms... These are sailors and marines - don't ask, don't tell, don't even think about it) and a male stripper jumped out of a cake and the other ladies and I enjoyed e-v-e-r-y second of that act.
Cowboy was speechless! Naturally I took a picture of that "rarer than Haley's Comet" moment.
Once everyone had calmed down, the stripper had left, and the cake was being consumed, I set up an ancient 8MM film projector. Everybody teased me about the old technology but were in stitches when I showed film of the former Seal-currently Admiral as a boy... washing a car, flirting with the camera as he tried to make hoops, wrestling with David in the backyard of his childhood home. There were also a few shots of him at a very early age - his mama wiping his face with a wet cloth because he had marinara sauce EVERYWHERE.
LOL! He was really a good sport about the whole thing. Of course, I kept a BIG distance between us until I was sure he was a little tipsy from all the wine he consumed. I also managed to stand behind one of his larger-than-life friends when I noticed "that look" when his gaze found me.
Happy Birthday cake and ice cream and presents were all wonderful. He enjoyed it in spite of all the naughty stuff but what's a birthday party without pony rides? Dutifully, everyone followed me out to the back deck and Lo! and behold! A beautiful pony was in our backyard, saddled and ready for us. The pony's owner took one look at Cowboy and said he was too big to ride that sweet creature so naturally, I got to ride it instead. I think Cowboy was relieved. It would have looked funny if he got in the saddle and his feet touched the ground. Tsk. It would have made a great picture.
All the ladies got a ride and while we were taking turns, the birthday boy assured me I would be getting "his" birthday spanking later that evening... Hmm... This was worrisome because the giant squid is so o-l-d, he probably wouldn't be able to count that high and keep the numbers straight. I thought about making flash cards.
When everyone finally left for the evening and he was reaching a Pop-Eye arm out to grab me, I reminded him that his birthday wasn't until the next day so spanking me would be premature.
He said he needed the practice.
Oy!
Lots of hugging and kissing and far too many swats later, the band played on. Later, when we were cuddling and enjoying that sweet time before sleep took over, I noticed my pups were sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed watching us.
Uh-oh! The pups are always locked out of the bedroom when Cowboy is home. I swear... both the Mastiff and the Rott looked like they were desperate for a cigarette.
Tsk.
~Sar~
Friday, May 26, 2006
Swat! ... Tsk!
No matter what the calendar says, summer doesn't really start here until 4th of July weekend. We had a few warmish days recently but then the weather gods remembered this is the Pacific Northwest and we were blessed with a few days of steady rain. They're predicting a long hot and dry summer and watering one's lawn becomes a really expensive budget item. Water is our most expensive utility, almost as bad as gasoline so rain in the warmer months is a plus.
Rain out here isn't just ordinary rain. When we lived in Miami, it rained lightly or heavily or during monsoon months, it poured like it was coming out of faucets. Out here, there's rain, thick rain, mist, drizzle, showers, hail, thick hail, icy rain and sleet and snow. I may have left a few types out but that about covers it. In Florida, showers were intermittent rain; out here, showers are steady rain. Rain is light rain and thick rain is LARGE raindrops. Where did these weather people go to school? Rain is rain. It's brief or passing through or light or heavy. Period.
Which begs the question...
"I don't want you jogging in the rain, bambina."
By definition, that means he doesn't want me jogging in light rain. The rest is good to go!
Oh goody!
"Okey-dokey."
"I mean it, Sar. If it's raining, you're not jogging. Are we clear on this?"
"Uh huh. No jogging in the rain."
"Why are you being so agreeable?" the Neanderthal asked with an arched brow.
"Would you rather I argued with you? Would it make your manly demeanor more... uh... manly?"
SWAT!
Tsk.
"And if you're going shopping at the mall today, park in the underground garage so you don't have to walk in the rain."
"Underground garage... check."
"And take a sweater in case the temperature drops again like it did last night."
"Sweater... check."
"And don't fill up on all that junk food. We're eating at the commandant's house tonight and I want you to have an appetite."
"No filling up on junk food... check. And the commandant's house for dinner... check."
"You're cruisin' for a bruisin', bambina."
"Cruising for a bruising... check."
SWAT!
Tsk.
The base commandant's house for dinner: The end of the world is here! The commandant is a meat and potatoes kind of guy. His wife is a vegan! What is wrong with that man? Couldn't he have had a mid-life crisis and married a platinum blonde 20 years younger than he is, with a single digit IQ, breast implants, fake fingernails and collagen lips?
If I am doomed to push green things around my plate all night I'm going to load up on real food! I'll dash off to the mall, park in the underground garage, take a sweater with me, and load up on burgers, onion rings, and milkshakes. And to be sure I don't fall asleep during the scintillating dinner conversation, I'll gulp down a few Cuban espressos so the caffeine will give my eyes that wide-awake look.
Thinking... I bet the commandant would love a basket of my homemade apple crisps and peach muffins. While he's eating them I could sneak a few bites of his steak...
"And don't plan on bribing the commandant to share his meal with you, imp."
Honestly, the man has turned into a mind reader!
"Me?" asked with a truly innocent look.
"You!"
Swat!
Tsk.
~Sar~
Rain out here isn't just ordinary rain. When we lived in Miami, it rained lightly or heavily or during monsoon months, it poured like it was coming out of faucets. Out here, there's rain, thick rain, mist, drizzle, showers, hail, thick hail, icy rain and sleet and snow. I may have left a few types out but that about covers it. In Florida, showers were intermittent rain; out here, showers are steady rain. Rain is light rain and thick rain is LARGE raindrops. Where did these weather people go to school? Rain is rain. It's brief or passing through or light or heavy. Period.
Which begs the question...
"I don't want you jogging in the rain, bambina."
By definition, that means he doesn't want me jogging in light rain. The rest is good to go!
Oh goody!
"Okey-dokey."
"I mean it, Sar. If it's raining, you're not jogging. Are we clear on this?"
"Uh huh. No jogging in the rain."
"Why are you being so agreeable?" the Neanderthal asked with an arched brow.
"Would you rather I argued with you? Would it make your manly demeanor more... uh... manly?"
SWAT!
Tsk.
"And if you're going shopping at the mall today, park in the underground garage so you don't have to walk in the rain."
"Underground garage... check."
"And take a sweater in case the temperature drops again like it did last night."
"Sweater... check."
"And don't fill up on all that junk food. We're eating at the commandant's house tonight and I want you to have an appetite."
"No filling up on junk food... check. And the commandant's house for dinner... check."
"You're cruisin' for a bruisin', bambina."
"Cruising for a bruising... check."
SWAT!
Tsk.
The base commandant's house for dinner: The end of the world is here! The commandant is a meat and potatoes kind of guy. His wife is a vegan! What is wrong with that man? Couldn't he have had a mid-life crisis and married a platinum blonde 20 years younger than he is, with a single digit IQ, breast implants, fake fingernails and collagen lips?
If I am doomed to push green things around my plate all night I'm going to load up on real food! I'll dash off to the mall, park in the underground garage, take a sweater with me, and load up on burgers, onion rings, and milkshakes. And to be sure I don't fall asleep during the scintillating dinner conversation, I'll gulp down a few Cuban espressos so the caffeine will give my eyes that wide-awake look.
Thinking... I bet the commandant would love a basket of my homemade apple crisps and peach muffins. While he's eating them I could sneak a few bites of his steak...
"And don't plan on bribing the commandant to share his meal with you, imp."
Honestly, the man has turned into a mind reader!
"Me?" asked with a truly innocent look.
"You!"
Swat!
Tsk.
~Sar~
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