My Internet name is Cowboy and I'm a Neanderthal.
My birth name isn't Cowboy. I hail from the great state of Texas and some of my friends call me Cowboy. That's ok. Cowboy is a lot better than the names I was called when I was at the academy and a green midshipman. You think that's bad you should hear what they call the wannabe marines.
When a man is in the "doghouse" with his wife, it's supposed to be a bad thing. I'm never in the doghouse. Our doghouses aren't bad places to be. We have 10 kennels for dogs we foster and every last one of them is a decent place to live - if you're a dog. All the kennels are a good size. They have enclosed shelters and open runs. Sar put comfortable beds in all of them. She made covers for the beds with zippers so she can take them off and wash them which she does regularly - a couple at a time. The kennels have radiant heat and cooling fans in the back wall. Water is dispensed automatically to a built in concrete trough. I know all this because she badgered me into installing everything.
I mentioned that if we ever move we'll just leave everything for the next owner. Sar said if we move we take everything with us because she doesn't want to build new kennels from scratch. SHE doesn't want to build new kennels from scratch? I wasn't going to build new ones. I was going to hire someone to do that.
So I'm a Neanderthal.
Next topic:
One of my former commanding officers is retired now and out here on the West Coast vacationing with his family. His adult daughter is a "vegan." This must be a new trend cause there seems to be a lot of that going round. I warned Sar not to wave bloody meat around when they were in the house.
I should have kept my mouth shut.
The "butcher" delivered half a cow while they were here and naturally, my wife made a point of checking all the cuts of meat to make sure there was enough bloody meat to last us a while. Then she had a long conversation with the guy about veal and lamb and fresh chickens and turkeys and so help me God, if company wasn't in the house I would have upended her on the spot.
You're damn right I'm a Neanderthal!
The young woman eats eggs and cheese so I think this means she's a vegan some of the time. Not sure. Sar asked if she ate fish. No. What about chocolate she says. Yes. Too bad Sar says. Why? I won't go into all of that. Anyone who knows Sar knows she doesn't share chocolate. But she shared a box of Twinkies and now that this woman has been "Twinkie converted" Sar will probably wave Twinkies in front of her until she begs for a steak. Didn't take her long to convert the woman. I'm telling you. Sar needs to work with our anti-terrorist organizations. And as soon as our company left I lit a small fire on her tush.
Did I mention I'm a Neanderthal?
And I've been informed I need a food taster.
More on vegans:
The young woman left a list of good foods to eat and foods to avoid if Sar wanted to lead a more healthy life style. That was a quote.
My wife? Healthy life style? Uh huh.
I told her she really needs to read the lists. She reads the lists. Then she takes the list and calls all her dogs onto the back deck. Lights a fire in the outdoor grill. Burns the lists along with some leftover string beans and hums what sounds like a mantra. Her dogs - co-conspirators - hum-growl-mutter along with her. I deliver a smack to her butt. The dogs growl at me. Sar laughs. I smack again and tell her she's not gonna sit for a while if she keeps up this nonsense.
Not wanting to let the fire go to waste Sar grills a bunch of that bloody meat. Did I get any? No. Before I can enjoy a bite the dogs get most of it. Waiting for an apology she says. Apology? I may be a Neanderthal but I'm also in charge. I think.
Ok - no hate mail please. I love this woman.
I ask what do I have to do to stop being a Neanderthal. New DNA Sar says. I give her a good swat and steal the meat on her plate.
My name is Cowboy and I'm a Neanderthal.
Cowboy
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Thursday, April 20, 2006
This 'n That
'Tis Spring! My tulips are up, crocus in full bloom and lots of other colors in the garden beds. Hummingbirds are here year round but really hitting my nectar feeders hard now - must have babies on the way. The squirrels have organized - they have a union now - and demand their corn and peanuts no later than mid morning. Sometimes I see 5 or 6 on the back deck just waiting for me to show up. I keep thinking I should ask His Holiness to install a doorbell at the bottom of the door so they could ring it if I'm tardy with the food.
Woody Woodpecker's baby has had some really bad hair days - orange hair in a punk rock style and a voice like a screeching banshee. (No offense to the banshee lovers out there.)
"Don't tell them about the homeowners letter," Cowboy admonished when he read it.
The homeowners association sent me a letter... someone complained that my Rotts, Tank and Panda, were embarrassing them by making whoopee in the backyard in the middle of the day. Excuse me? I have a 7-foot wooden fence around the backyard. What was that person doing standing on a ladder peeking in?
"SAR!"
SWAT!
Tsk.
"And don't tell them what we often do in the backyard in warmer weather."
I wrote back that they should peek in around 7 p.m. when the giant squid and I are in the backyard and in the gazebo sharing a glass of wine. Sometimes we make whoopee out there. It would make for a better show. Tsk.
"SAR!"
SWAT!
Double Tsk.
Did I mention that the Passover dinner was spectacular? I ate everything, of course. I only had a few sips of wine but the three members of the clergy dining with us really went allllll out. Not sure if the priest and the rabbi were having a "I can drink more than you and still not fall on my face" contest or were just savoring the flavor. I had several different wines to choose from and I noticed the Navy chaplain had a glass of each. We made sure someone sober drove all of them home.
Easter dinner was a big hit. Cowboy refused to share his peach cobbler; good thing I made pineapple upside down cakes. I have a photo of him with his hands around the tray of cobblers and a "commanding officer's" glare on his face. LOL! I shall blow that pic up and use it for ammunition at the appropriate time. (The rabbi ate a LOT of the honey baked ham. Tsk and double tsk.) Cowboy said I should have had something else for the man to eat - like a roast or turkey. I asked the rabbi in advance what he wanted and he told me he'd have whatever we were having. I repeated this to the squid who rolled his eyes and said the man was just being polite. Polite? Polite would have been if he asked for the recipe. Tsk.
David brought me a HUGE basket with small chocolate bunnies (minus the ears - he said it's a new strain of bunnies - tsk) and filled with lots of jellybeans. The big bunny in the middle of the basket was... ready for this? Made out of BLACK JELLYBEANS! swooooon
Naturally, I bit off its head which grossed everybody out - except 8-about-to-be-9-year-old Patrick who said that was coooooool beans. I do adore that child.
Took the pups to local obedience trials. Six dogs in Cowboy's SUV take up a lot of room - left Tank and Panda home. My babies, SweetPea and BullyBoy went through a refresher trial; I used hand signals only and they flew threw easily. I've taught both dogs to "heel" back to me when they are in front of me by moving back into position at my side (going in reverse) rather than walking around me. It makes for a bit of entertainment and everyone gets a kick out of it. Both pups knew they did well and were jumping at the applause. I promised them wine and beer when we got home. Of course, we had to wait until the giant squid went off to do giant squid things before they could imbibe.
The foster dogs: Tuma, the Alaskan Malamute, did wonderfully well and he leaves this weekend for his new home. The family that adopted him has three small boys - a good match for an energetic pup. Murdoch, the Deerhound, also did well and he moved in to his new home yesterday - a family that does a lot of hiking and camping - another good match.
Oliver, the English Mastiff, rolled over in the middle of the trials, lifted his head to see who would scratch his belly and... we'll have to work a little harder to get him to pass. A couple of older gentlemen - brothers - adopted Daisy, another English Mastiff, from me over a year ago and have their eye on Oliver. They want Daisy to have a companion and I think that might be a good match, too. Daisy is extraordinarily spoiled by her owners - something I adore seeing, especially for a rescue dog.
Archie, the senior canine Bloodhound, howled through all the events and refused to go into the ring with me. We had a brief private discussion and he conceded defeat. He passed but did everything with his nose in the air as if to say it was beneath him. I may have to keep him 'cause he's an ornery cuss. Or... I could leave him on David's doorstep; David is also an ornery cuss.
My neighbor, MsHairUpHerAss, was hospitalized. I think that "hair" must have penetrated her insides 'cause she had her gall bladder removed. Didn't do anything for her personality; she's still a witch that got kicked out of a coven. We took Peeper Patterson, my next-door neighbor, to visit her. He said she looked great for an old witch.
"Sarrrr....." Jeez. Didn't even get a chance to agree with Peeper before I felt Cowboy's hand on my shoulder.
It is so pretty outside that I've been climbing the trees to wave at God. We have a lot of trees and I don't like to favor one over the other so I've climbed at least 2 each time I'm in the backyard. Saw "Lady Chatterly" and her sugar daddy in their yard... oye, could have missed that scene and lived quite happily.
Cowboy says he doesn't want me climbing trees. I might fall. I don't want him going out to sea. There might be a storm or a war or a leak in the boat. He goes out to sea anyway. I climb trees. He also keeps his right arm ready for instant "tail swatting."
I'm starting a new exercise program. Summer will be here in no time and I have new bathing suits. Couldn't decide between bikini # 1 and # 2 so I bought both. Have to firm up a little. Cowboy says I only need toning in my backside and he'll take care of that. Yeah, right.
The pups and I are jogging 5 miles - up from 3 when the giant squid isn't looking and we're eating more protein. I started doing crunches - tuck my feet under BullyBoy's chest and SweetPea sits at my back so I don't lie flat. It's a bit of a workout but very worthwhile. After 100 crunches, we reward ourselves with a big helping of mac and cheese. If I can work in some bicycle time we devour a box or 2 of Twinkies and chase those with Cracker Jacks. I love rewarding myself.
A vegan I know mentioned the merits of eating more vegetables to cut down on fats and bad-iments. Who are these people? Do their parents still talk to them? I think we should buy another country and put them all together in one place - they could get high preaching to the choir. Give me CHOCOLATE! Give me STEAK! Give me DESSERT! Life is too short to waste it on vegetables.
"SAR!"
SWAT!
Tsk.
~Sar~
Woody Woodpecker's baby has had some really bad hair days - orange hair in a punk rock style and a voice like a screeching banshee. (No offense to the banshee lovers out there.)
"Don't tell them about the homeowners letter," Cowboy admonished when he read it.
The homeowners association sent me a letter... someone complained that my Rotts, Tank and Panda, were embarrassing them by making whoopee in the backyard in the middle of the day. Excuse me? I have a 7-foot wooden fence around the backyard. What was that person doing standing on a ladder peeking in?
"SAR!"
SWAT!
Tsk.
"And don't tell them what we often do in the backyard in warmer weather."
I wrote back that they should peek in around 7 p.m. when the giant squid and I are in the backyard and in the gazebo sharing a glass of wine. Sometimes we make whoopee out there. It would make for a better show. Tsk.
"SAR!"
SWAT!
Double Tsk.
Did I mention that the Passover dinner was spectacular? I ate everything, of course. I only had a few sips of wine but the three members of the clergy dining with us really went allllll out. Not sure if the priest and the rabbi were having a "I can drink more than you and still not fall on my face" contest or were just savoring the flavor. I had several different wines to choose from and I noticed the Navy chaplain had a glass of each. We made sure someone sober drove all of them home.
Easter dinner was a big hit. Cowboy refused to share his peach cobbler; good thing I made pineapple upside down cakes. I have a photo of him with his hands around the tray of cobblers and a "commanding officer's" glare on his face. LOL! I shall blow that pic up and use it for ammunition at the appropriate time. (The rabbi ate a LOT of the honey baked ham. Tsk and double tsk.) Cowboy said I should have had something else for the man to eat - like a roast or turkey. I asked the rabbi in advance what he wanted and he told me he'd have whatever we were having. I repeated this to the squid who rolled his eyes and said the man was just being polite. Polite? Polite would have been if he asked for the recipe. Tsk.
David brought me a HUGE basket with small chocolate bunnies (minus the ears - he said it's a new strain of bunnies - tsk) and filled with lots of jellybeans. The big bunny in the middle of the basket was... ready for this? Made out of BLACK JELLYBEANS! swooooon
Naturally, I bit off its head which grossed everybody out - except 8-about-to-be-9-year-old Patrick who said that was coooooool beans. I do adore that child.
Took the pups to local obedience trials. Six dogs in Cowboy's SUV take up a lot of room - left Tank and Panda home. My babies, SweetPea and BullyBoy went through a refresher trial; I used hand signals only and they flew threw easily. I've taught both dogs to "heel" back to me when they are in front of me by moving back into position at my side (going in reverse) rather than walking around me. It makes for a bit of entertainment and everyone gets a kick out of it. Both pups knew they did well and were jumping at the applause. I promised them wine and beer when we got home. Of course, we had to wait until the giant squid went off to do giant squid things before they could imbibe.
The foster dogs: Tuma, the Alaskan Malamute, did wonderfully well and he leaves this weekend for his new home. The family that adopted him has three small boys - a good match for an energetic pup. Murdoch, the Deerhound, also did well and he moved in to his new home yesterday - a family that does a lot of hiking and camping - another good match.
Oliver, the English Mastiff, rolled over in the middle of the trials, lifted his head to see who would scratch his belly and... we'll have to work a little harder to get him to pass. A couple of older gentlemen - brothers - adopted Daisy, another English Mastiff, from me over a year ago and have their eye on Oliver. They want Daisy to have a companion and I think that might be a good match, too. Daisy is extraordinarily spoiled by her owners - something I adore seeing, especially for a rescue dog.
Archie, the senior canine Bloodhound, howled through all the events and refused to go into the ring with me. We had a brief private discussion and he conceded defeat. He passed but did everything with his nose in the air as if to say it was beneath him. I may have to keep him 'cause he's an ornery cuss. Or... I could leave him on David's doorstep; David is also an ornery cuss.
My neighbor, MsHairUpHerAss, was hospitalized. I think that "hair" must have penetrated her insides 'cause she had her gall bladder removed. Didn't do anything for her personality; she's still a witch that got kicked out of a coven. We took Peeper Patterson, my next-door neighbor, to visit her. He said she looked great for an old witch.
"Sarrrr....." Jeez. Didn't even get a chance to agree with Peeper before I felt Cowboy's hand on my shoulder.
It is so pretty outside that I've been climbing the trees to wave at God. We have a lot of trees and I don't like to favor one over the other so I've climbed at least 2 each time I'm in the backyard. Saw "Lady Chatterly" and her sugar daddy in their yard... oye, could have missed that scene and lived quite happily.
Cowboy says he doesn't want me climbing trees. I might fall. I don't want him going out to sea. There might be a storm or a war or a leak in the boat. He goes out to sea anyway. I climb trees. He also keeps his right arm ready for instant "tail swatting."
I'm starting a new exercise program. Summer will be here in no time and I have new bathing suits. Couldn't decide between bikini # 1 and # 2 so I bought both. Have to firm up a little. Cowboy says I only need toning in my backside and he'll take care of that. Yeah, right.
The pups and I are jogging 5 miles - up from 3 when the giant squid isn't looking and we're eating more protein. I started doing crunches - tuck my feet under BullyBoy's chest and SweetPea sits at my back so I don't lie flat. It's a bit of a workout but very worthwhile. After 100 crunches, we reward ourselves with a big helping of mac and cheese. If I can work in some bicycle time we devour a box or 2 of Twinkies and chase those with Cracker Jacks. I love rewarding myself.
A vegan I know mentioned the merits of eating more vegetables to cut down on fats and bad-iments. Who are these people? Do their parents still talk to them? I think we should buy another country and put them all together in one place - they could get high preaching to the choir. Give me CHOCOLATE! Give me STEAK! Give me DESSERT! Life is too short to waste it on vegetables.
"SAR!"
SWAT!
Tsk.
~Sar~
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Bunny Ears & New Carpeting...
Been cooking and baking for a few days. It's taking longer than usual because it's absolutely glorious outside and when I glance out the wide kitchen windows I see blue skies, green grass, birds at the feeders and the dogs laying on their backs airing out their undies. I have to watch and right in the middle of kneading some dough or mixing a batter, I stop what I'm doing and enjoy the scene.
Sometimes - if His Holiness isn't in sight - I leave everything on the countertops and go out onto the deck.
"SAR!"
Sometimes he catches me.
It's still a bit cool out in the morning and I have difficulty sniffling quietly. I'm certain it's allergies and nothing else.
I'm making a honey baked ham for Easter dinner with all the trimmings. I've already made enough peach cobbler to feed an army (if you'll excuse the expression) and just in case the giant squid refuses to share the cobbler, I baked a cheesecake and two pineapple upsidedown cakes and they're in the fridge and only need to be warmed up if we need them. When I make cobbler, I really make cobbler. None of this wimpy baking dishes with dough on the bottom, filling in the middle and strips of dough on top. I make individual cobblers that look like small pumpkins and when you put your spoon into the crust, oooo delicious peach stuff inside. I make sure Cowboy has eaten about half of one before I subtly mention the Visa bill or the new carpeting I ordered for our bedroom.
(When you get an up-close-and-personal look at it as often as I do... it's gets old fast.)
Passover comes first and I've already got a few things ready for that dinner. We're having 20 guests and I don't want to have to rush. The traditional Passover dinner includes FOUR glasses of wine! I'm pretty sure I'll be lucky to get away with 4 sips. I'm not much of a drinker and there's so many special dishes to enjoy I don't want to pass out before I eat everything. There's a special matzoh (unleavened bread) that gets hidden at the beginning of the meal. Whoever finds it gets a reward and it has to be found for the meal to end.
I find it every year and the reason for this is that I'm the one who hides it.
Allegedly the person sitting at the head of the table pays the reward. Ha! I make EVERYONE pay. Cowboy says that's not the way it's supposed to be. Excuse me! My house, my table, my food, my cooking, my rules. Pay up! I accept all kinds of chocolate and if you're foolish enough not to bring me a bribe before you arrive, please remember I will hunt you down to get you to make good on the I.O.U. When it comes to chocolate, I take no prisoners and I prefer imported...
"SAR!"
Tsk.
So... back to Easter.
It's chocolate bunny and jellybean time.
~sigh~
Does it get any better than this?
One year, Cowboy brought this HUGE Easter basket home before Easter. It had a humonguous chocolate bunny in it and naturally, I assumed it was for me. So I ate the ears and I didn't want the animals to nose it so I put the cellophane back around the entire basket.
"SAR!"
Jeez. I bet they heard him all the way to Peoria.
"You ate the ears off the chocolate bunny?" This bit of rhetoric was asked in the form of a roar.
"Gosh, honey. Ya think?"
SWAT!
Tsk.
His Holiness, indignantly: "I bought that for the children's Easter party at the base."
Me, matter-of-factly: "Looks like you'll have to buy another one."
SWAT!
Tsk.
He brought a chocolate bunny into MY house and expected me to ignore it? Folks... everyone has occasional bouts of stupid-itis, even Admirals.
So... since the basket was now all mine - possession is 9/10ths of the law, etc., I decided to stash the rest of the bunny away and eat it at my leisure when the giant squid's glare was aimed elsewhere.
I'm on my hands and knees in the upstairs hall closet rearranging things so I can put the basket behind stuff and the basket tips over and... VOILA! There are jellybeans under the basket grass!
Oh joy!
Black jellybeans are my favorite and I needed to eat all those, so I did. My next favorite are the sweet white ones, ate those, too. The rest can wait for a while. Orange and yellow and purple and dark green and pink. All good but then I discovered light green ones - apple green... swoon Was really enjoying my sugar high when I happened to glance up and would you believe it! The giant squid is leaning against the closet door and watching me!
His Holiness is 6 feet, 5 inches tall and weighs 235 lbs. I don't know how many stone that is but I bet it's a HUGE boulder. When I'm standing next to him, he's tall. When I'm sitting on the floor and he's standing, he's Paul Bunyan! When I'm sitting on the floor and eating something he doesn't want me to eat... and he's standing... he's a giant paddle!
Oy.
Doomed.
SWAT!
Tsk.
Years later, I still eat the ears off of any chocolate bunny that makes it to my house. I still eat all the black and white jellybeans and ever since that children's Easter party at the navy base... where a lot of the children's chocolate bunnies were missing ears... I haven't been invited back.
Tsk.
"I don't want you eating all that chocolate this year," he told me the other day.
"Uh huh."
"I mean it, Sar."
"I hear you."
So... I only ate the ears and was it my fault the basket he brought home had six bunnies in it?
It's a good thing I ordered that new carpet. I have a feeling I'm going to get a really close look at it any day now.
Tsk.
~Sar~
Sometimes - if His Holiness isn't in sight - I leave everything on the countertops and go out onto the deck.
"SAR!"
Sometimes he catches me.
It's still a bit cool out in the morning and I have difficulty sniffling quietly. I'm certain it's allergies and nothing else.
I'm making a honey baked ham for Easter dinner with all the trimmings. I've already made enough peach cobbler to feed an army (if you'll excuse the expression) and just in case the giant squid refuses to share the cobbler, I baked a cheesecake and two pineapple upsidedown cakes and they're in the fridge and only need to be warmed up if we need them. When I make cobbler, I really make cobbler. None of this wimpy baking dishes with dough on the bottom, filling in the middle and strips of dough on top. I make individual cobblers that look like small pumpkins and when you put your spoon into the crust, oooo delicious peach stuff inside. I make sure Cowboy has eaten about half of one before I subtly mention the Visa bill or the new carpeting I ordered for our bedroom.
(When you get an up-close-and-personal look at it as often as I do... it's gets old fast.)
Passover comes first and I've already got a few things ready for that dinner. We're having 20 guests and I don't want to have to rush. The traditional Passover dinner includes FOUR glasses of wine! I'm pretty sure I'll be lucky to get away with 4 sips. I'm not much of a drinker and there's so many special dishes to enjoy I don't want to pass out before I eat everything. There's a special matzoh (unleavened bread) that gets hidden at the beginning of the meal. Whoever finds it gets a reward and it has to be found for the meal to end.
I find it every year and the reason for this is that I'm the one who hides it.
Allegedly the person sitting at the head of the table pays the reward. Ha! I make EVERYONE pay. Cowboy says that's not the way it's supposed to be. Excuse me! My house, my table, my food, my cooking, my rules. Pay up! I accept all kinds of chocolate and if you're foolish enough not to bring me a bribe before you arrive, please remember I will hunt you down to get you to make good on the I.O.U. When it comes to chocolate, I take no prisoners and I prefer imported...
"SAR!"
Tsk.
So... back to Easter.
It's chocolate bunny and jellybean time.
~sigh~
Does it get any better than this?
One year, Cowboy brought this HUGE Easter basket home before Easter. It had a humonguous chocolate bunny in it and naturally, I assumed it was for me. So I ate the ears and I didn't want the animals to nose it so I put the cellophane back around the entire basket.
"SAR!"
Jeez. I bet they heard him all the way to Peoria.
"You ate the ears off the chocolate bunny?" This bit of rhetoric was asked in the form of a roar.
"Gosh, honey. Ya think?"
SWAT!
Tsk.
His Holiness, indignantly: "I bought that for the children's Easter party at the base."
Me, matter-of-factly: "Looks like you'll have to buy another one."
SWAT!
Tsk.
He brought a chocolate bunny into MY house and expected me to ignore it? Folks... everyone has occasional bouts of stupid-itis, even Admirals.
So... since the basket was now all mine - possession is 9/10ths of the law, etc., I decided to stash the rest of the bunny away and eat it at my leisure when the giant squid's glare was aimed elsewhere.
I'm on my hands and knees in the upstairs hall closet rearranging things so I can put the basket behind stuff and the basket tips over and... VOILA! There are jellybeans under the basket grass!
Oh joy!
Black jellybeans are my favorite and I needed to eat all those, so I did. My next favorite are the sweet white ones, ate those, too. The rest can wait for a while. Orange and yellow and purple and dark green and pink. All good but then I discovered light green ones - apple green... swoon Was really enjoying my sugar high when I happened to glance up and would you believe it! The giant squid is leaning against the closet door and watching me!
His Holiness is 6 feet, 5 inches tall and weighs 235 lbs. I don't know how many stone that is but I bet it's a HUGE boulder. When I'm standing next to him, he's tall. When I'm sitting on the floor and he's standing, he's Paul Bunyan! When I'm sitting on the floor and eating something he doesn't want me to eat... and he's standing... he's a giant paddle!
Oy.
Doomed.
SWAT!
Tsk.
Years later, I still eat the ears off of any chocolate bunny that makes it to my house. I still eat all the black and white jellybeans and ever since that children's Easter party at the navy base... where a lot of the children's chocolate bunnies were missing ears... I haven't been invited back.
Tsk.
"I don't want you eating all that chocolate this year," he told me the other day.
"Uh huh."
"I mean it, Sar."
"I hear you."
So... I only ate the ears and was it my fault the basket he brought home had six bunnies in it?
It's a good thing I ordered that new carpet. I have a feeling I'm going to get a really close look at it any day now.
Tsk.
~Sar~
Saturday, April 01, 2006
The Real Facts
About that jury summons...
There is no way on God's green earth I'm going to be awake before the sun comes up. If it's dark out - it's nighttime. If it's nighttime - I'm asleep. I don't know why I set the alarm clock. I'm not even sure why we have one - the giant squid has an internal clock. He'll wake me up.
So I'm pretty sure dawn happened. Don't remember anything else until His Holiness shoves a cup of coffee into my hands and waves a hot cinnamon bun under my nose. We're parked in a public garage somewhere - I have clothes on instead of jammies and there's a hot cinnamon bun in front of my mouth.
Time to wake up.
I don't ask questions as to how, when, where and why because I don't want to hear the answers and there's a chance the man will start to lecture. I abhor lectures and don't see any reason to listen to them so whenever he gets wound up, I write stories in my head and mumble "uh-huh" at regular intervals.
I'm at the justice building and have to go through security. Put my shoulder bag in the x-ray machine and hope it doesn't zap gamma rays all over my Twinkies. I brought Butterfingers and Heath bars - really don't want gamma rays all over my chocolate. I also brought a paperback novel to read and covered it with a very explicit book cover - pages from the Kama Sutra. That should keep all the old ladies away from me.
A judge comes out to give us the patriotic speech about serving on a jury and he tells judge jokes. He was awful. He tried so hard to be funny and I felt bad for him so when he finally stopped talking, I offered him a Twinkie which he took and ate and I thought... I wonder what he eats when he sits on the bench.
People from all walks of life are called for jury duty. Most of them look like you and me. A few dress like they got their clothes from the "reject" bin at the Salvation Army. Some have definitely not bathed in a while and a heck of a lot of people were very interested in my Twinkies. I stood near the door in case I needed to make a fast getaway.
People watching is a favorite pastime. I like details and I made notes about what I saw - how folks looked, dressed, moved. Good research for my stories. Picking one's nose in public is absolutely gross. Scratching one's privates is disconcerting and really laughable. Do these people think no one sees them? This is better than MTV. One very large lady was dressed in red. Red dress, red sweater, red shoes, red scarf around her neck, red band on her wristwatch and red handbag. Her hair was red, too, but it was orange red and clashed with her red outfit. She looked like one of those "when I'm an old lady, I shall wear a purple dress and a red hat." When she saw what I was reading - Kama Sutra - she asked if I had read the story of "O." I'm still chuckling over that.
A bunch of us were asked to fill out a form about how we felt about sexual assault. There were a few yes/no questions and a few "fill in what you think" spots. I wrote what I thought. If guilty, hand him a paper bag to carry his dangly bits in and when do we break for lunch? If I'm hungry I won't be able to concentrate.
Called Cowboy to pick me up and we went out for a nice meal. It was Greek cuisine. Delish! I ate all the good parts and slept on the way home. Cowboy said I should go to bed early because I had to go back to the courthouse so I cut the evening short and tried to sleep. That didn't work. Got up and made a banana split and darned if the big guy didn't want some. He helped himself! Then I got a swat for getting out of bed! A swat!
Tsk!
Fell asleep around 2 a.m. and woke up in the same place we were yesterday. I wonder how he does that. I was dressed all proper and even had shoes on. As soon as I arrived, the lady in red was still in red and asked me for a Twinkie.
Tsk.
I heard a few horror stories about being selected for a jury and because all the cases were criminal, some had been sequestered. That sounds horrible! Who would keep me in Twinkies? If I suffered withdrawal I'd hang the defendant just to get a sugar high. Cowboy said it was a good thing they didn't choose me. As it turns out, the case ended with a plea bargain - whatever that means - and we were dismissed early. I'm not sure if I'm thrilled about that or disappointed I wasn't selected. I'm sure I could have added something memorable to the proceedings.
Double tsk.
I read in the New York Times that this is "Asia" Week. Oh joy! That means Chinese takeout! And Thai food and Pho at the Vietnamese restaurant where "Phuck" is on the menu. I forget what that means in Vietnamese but I have to order it just to say it. And more Chinese and tempura at the Japanese restaurant. We also have a Korean restaurant. No idea what they serve but we'll have to try it.
Cowboy said we'd order Chinese takeout one night and that was that. Hmm... Slipped into this wonderful kimono he brought me from Japan and I think we'll be having more than one takeout meal sent home this week.
I read what he posted. He likes to sound like a big bad meanie but between you and me, he's putty in my hands. I can get him to do anything.
SWAT!
Tsk.
Did you know that Passover and Easter are in the same week this year? Oh joy! Two huge holiday meals - going to cook and bake for both of them. I really love holiday meals - don't care whose holiday it is - there's bound to be something I'm going to love. I usually make a cheesecake for Easter dinner dessert along with a pineapple upside down cake. I told His Holiness this year I would make peach cobbler instead...
He said he didn't want to wear me out before I made those meals so maybe we *will* celebrate Asia week with Chinese takeout more than once or twice.
Grin!
See! Told you!
SWAT!
Double tsk!
~Sar~
There is no way on God's green earth I'm going to be awake before the sun comes up. If it's dark out - it's nighttime. If it's nighttime - I'm asleep. I don't know why I set the alarm clock. I'm not even sure why we have one - the giant squid has an internal clock. He'll wake me up.
So I'm pretty sure dawn happened. Don't remember anything else until His Holiness shoves a cup of coffee into my hands and waves a hot cinnamon bun under my nose. We're parked in a public garage somewhere - I have clothes on instead of jammies and there's a hot cinnamon bun in front of my mouth.
Time to wake up.
I don't ask questions as to how, when, where and why because I don't want to hear the answers and there's a chance the man will start to lecture. I abhor lectures and don't see any reason to listen to them so whenever he gets wound up, I write stories in my head and mumble "uh-huh" at regular intervals.
I'm at the justice building and have to go through security. Put my shoulder bag in the x-ray machine and hope it doesn't zap gamma rays all over my Twinkies. I brought Butterfingers and Heath bars - really don't want gamma rays all over my chocolate. I also brought a paperback novel to read and covered it with a very explicit book cover - pages from the Kama Sutra. That should keep all the old ladies away from me.
A judge comes out to give us the patriotic speech about serving on a jury and he tells judge jokes. He was awful. He tried so hard to be funny and I felt bad for him so when he finally stopped talking, I offered him a Twinkie which he took and ate and I thought... I wonder what he eats when he sits on the bench.
People from all walks of life are called for jury duty. Most of them look like you and me. A few dress like they got their clothes from the "reject" bin at the Salvation Army. Some have definitely not bathed in a while and a heck of a lot of people were very interested in my Twinkies. I stood near the door in case I needed to make a fast getaway.
People watching is a favorite pastime. I like details and I made notes about what I saw - how folks looked, dressed, moved. Good research for my stories. Picking one's nose in public is absolutely gross. Scratching one's privates is disconcerting and really laughable. Do these people think no one sees them? This is better than MTV. One very large lady was dressed in red. Red dress, red sweater, red shoes, red scarf around her neck, red band on her wristwatch and red handbag. Her hair was red, too, but it was orange red and clashed with her red outfit. She looked like one of those "when I'm an old lady, I shall wear a purple dress and a red hat." When she saw what I was reading - Kama Sutra - she asked if I had read the story of "O." I'm still chuckling over that.
A bunch of us were asked to fill out a form about how we felt about sexual assault. There were a few yes/no questions and a few "fill in what you think" spots. I wrote what I thought. If guilty, hand him a paper bag to carry his dangly bits in and when do we break for lunch? If I'm hungry I won't be able to concentrate.
Called Cowboy to pick me up and we went out for a nice meal. It was Greek cuisine. Delish! I ate all the good parts and slept on the way home. Cowboy said I should go to bed early because I had to go back to the courthouse so I cut the evening short and tried to sleep. That didn't work. Got up and made a banana split and darned if the big guy didn't want some. He helped himself! Then I got a swat for getting out of bed! A swat!
Tsk!
Fell asleep around 2 a.m. and woke up in the same place we were yesterday. I wonder how he does that. I was dressed all proper and even had shoes on. As soon as I arrived, the lady in red was still in red and asked me for a Twinkie.
Tsk.
I heard a few horror stories about being selected for a jury and because all the cases were criminal, some had been sequestered. That sounds horrible! Who would keep me in Twinkies? If I suffered withdrawal I'd hang the defendant just to get a sugar high. Cowboy said it was a good thing they didn't choose me. As it turns out, the case ended with a plea bargain - whatever that means - and we were dismissed early. I'm not sure if I'm thrilled about that or disappointed I wasn't selected. I'm sure I could have added something memorable to the proceedings.
Double tsk.
I read in the New York Times that this is "Asia" Week. Oh joy! That means Chinese takeout! And Thai food and Pho at the Vietnamese restaurant where "Phuck" is on the menu. I forget what that means in Vietnamese but I have to order it just to say it. And more Chinese and tempura at the Japanese restaurant. We also have a Korean restaurant. No idea what they serve but we'll have to try it.
Cowboy said we'd order Chinese takeout one night and that was that. Hmm... Slipped into this wonderful kimono he brought me from Japan and I think we'll be having more than one takeout meal sent home this week.
I read what he posted. He likes to sound like a big bad meanie but between you and me, he's putty in my hands. I can get him to do anything.
SWAT!
Tsk.
Did you know that Passover and Easter are in the same week this year? Oh joy! Two huge holiday meals - going to cook and bake for both of them. I really love holiday meals - don't care whose holiday it is - there's bound to be something I'm going to love. I usually make a cheesecake for Easter dinner dessert along with a pineapple upside down cake. I told His Holiness this year I would make peach cobbler instead...
He said he didn't want to wear me out before I made those meals so maybe we *will* celebrate Asia week with Chinese takeout more than once or twice.
Grin!
See! Told you!
SWAT!
Double tsk!
~Sar~
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