The Facts

A couple days ago Sar had to appear for her jury summons. To get to the justice center in time, she had to be up by 0500 hours. My wife is not a morning person.

She set the alarm but from past experience I know it will wake her, she will turn it off and go right back to sleep. I'm generally up by 0515 hours so I woke her when I got up.

Wild horses--

Took her into the shower with me. Let me just say that Sar is probably the only person on the planet who can stand under a hard shower spray and fall back to sleep. If she wasn't leaning on me she probably would have slipped to the floor and curled up and slept despite the water beating down.

Got her dried off and dressed presentably. She slept through the whole thing.

She had planned to drive down to the justice center but even after forcing a bit of coffee down her throat, she was still in dreamland. Made arrangements to take care of some matters in downtown Seattle which is about halfway between our home and where she had to be. Tucked her into the car and drove her down there myself. Two hours later we pull up in front of the justice center and Sar wakes up. I get some coffee and muffins into her and park the car and am gratified that she can walk into the building under her own steam.

I ask her if she's awake. She says of course she is and why would I ask. I know better than to tell her. I roll my eyes. Sar says I need a couth boost.

I watch her go through security and tell her to have a good day and to call me when she's dismissed for the day. I don't think she heard me. She was already unwrapping a Twinkie as she got in the elevator to go to her assigned room.

She calls me in the middle of the day to say that a judge gave the jury orientation and he told a lot of jokes. Sar said he needs to keep his day job - none were funny and no one laughed. She offered him a Twinkie when he finished speaking and he took it. This does not bode well for the justice system.

She was selected with a pool of 50 others to fill out a questionnaire. A panel of 12 will be chosen from that pool. The case was sexual misconduct and Sar wanted to know what kind of sexual misconduct. She said she asked if it was rape, attempted rape, something else? I told her I hoped she didn't ask if it was kinky sex like spanking. Her immediate reply was we're kinky? Cool!

I pick her up an hour or so later. The attorneys have to go over the questionnaire and she's dismissed until the next day. She's already eaten an entire box of Twinkies, a couple of candy bars and now she's ready for lunch. It's a little late for lunch but there's a small Greek restaurant in the area I've been meaning to try and they're open all day so we go there.

Did I ever mention my wife weighs a bit over 100 lbs? That's about 7 stone. I don't know where she puts all that food but trust me when I say if you're eating at our table you better help yourself before she consumes all the good stuff.

We get the mixed Greek platter so we can sample everything and as soon as Sar tastes something she really likes, she tries to take my portion after she eats hers. I give up trying to keep some for myself but I let the waitress know to start packing an order to take home. Eventually, I'm going to get to eat more than Greek salad.

Greek salad. Sar eats the feta cheese and some lettuce with pita bread and dumps the rest of it onto my plate. I tell her I'm gonna spank her when we get home. She rolls her eyes and I laugh. I love to watch her eat. A woman with that kind of appetite has an appetite for more intimate things and I am a very lucky man.

Dessert is Greek cookies and Baklava and a special kind of rice pudding. Sar orders all of it and when she can't eat another bite, I pay the fairly large check. She sleeps all the way home.

The next day is a repeat. I get up at 0500 hours, get her dressed and while she sleeps, I drive her down to the justice center. She calls me about an hour later. The case was dismissed and her civic duty is complete. I can't pick her up for at least an hour and she says that's ok, she's gonna check out the shops across from the justice center. I don't have to ask where she'll be. If there's a food establishment in the shopping district, that's where I'll find her.

I find her in the bakery-coffee shop drinking a latte and sharing a table with an elderly man wearing a baker's apron. They're swapping recipes and both of them seem to be having a good time. Sar is taking bites out of a big array of pastries and commenting. The old guy is beaming. Good thing I'm already married to this gal or she might run away with this man.

I'm not disappointed she wasn't chosen for the jury panel. When attorneys ask prospective jurors particular questions, I think most answer honestly and with courtesy. Sar would be honest in her answers but she speaks from her gut. "Cut off his balls!" is not an acceptable answer to what to do with someone found guilty of sexual misconduct.

The justice system has no idea they just dodged a bullet.

Cowboy

Maintenance

No, no, not maintenance spankings. How crass!

If you've been trying to get to my story website and/or drool over the pics of my beautiful babies... the links aren't currently working. The reason is that 50.megs - my host server is down for maintenance. If they're not back up tomorrow, I shall investigate the problem and drop you another note.

Worn out from my first day of jury duty - nothing earth shattering going on there and I hope it stays that way.

Thanks for the notes.

~Sar~

Mr. Grumpy!

It's Spring! We're having "Perry Como" skies ("The bluest skies you'll ever see are in Seattle.") The sun is shining, the air is crisp and the temps are in the low 50's F. Crocus is coming up and so are the daffodils and I can see the first green leaves of the tulips popping up everywhere! Woody Woodpecker (red headed bird from the cartoons) has already visited my suet stand and pierced the cat with his steely glare. The cat stared back. Woody visits every year with his mate and their new baby. There's a new saltlick on the side of the house for all the Bambis about to be born and visiting and I'm eager to be in the backyard doing things and enjoying the great outdoors.

"Grass is wet, bambina. Stay inside today."

Jeez! What a spoil sport.

"Too chilly for you to be working in the yard today. I don't want you to get a sore throat."

Oh for cryin out loud!

"The robins are yanking worms out of the ground. If it's not too cold for those little critters, it's not too cold for me!" So there!

"I know a spot that's gonna get warmed real fast if you defy me."

"Defy you! Who died and made you king of the world?"

SWAT!

Tsk.

When I get the sniffles or God forbid, cough once or twice, the squid goes into commando mode. He morphs into Dr. GooglePuss - so named because he earned his medical degree on Google. He rolls his eyes when I call him Dr. GooglePuss because he says he learned a lot of medical stuff when he was training to be a Seal. Yeah, yeah, and I'm queen of Finland.

Not sure if Finland has a queen but nevertheless...

If I come down with a fever, all hell breaks loose. I get aspirin, cough medicine, and hot tea with honey - all forced down my throat and against my will. I threaten his need for a food taster and he threatens to turn my butt into combustible heat.

I check my forehead - feels okay to me.

He checks my forehead... "You feel a little warm, bambina. Stay inside today."

"Listen up, Squid!"

SWAT!

Tsk.

"I was thinking of making peach cobbler later," I inform the giant squid.

"Make it now. Then you won't have time to think about being out in the yard."

"Nope. Need to be outdoors and then when I come back in, I'll be energized to make the cobbler."

"Any second now I'm gonna be energized to warm your butt."

Tsk. The man has a one-track mind.

"Okay. I'll make cobbler and while you're away today, I'll eat the whole thing by myself."

SWAT!

Tsk.

"Hot cobbler with cold vanilla ice cream... all for me!"

SWAT!

Tsk.

"I need that cobbler, bambina."

"I need to be outdoors for a while."

Do you know that look? The one where Genghis Khan lifts his arm to throw the killing spear? He's on his giant steed and his Fu Manchu mustache twitches with delight and his eyebrows arch and his eyes go all steely and he yells the battle cry.

Oy!

So now I'm looking at the floor from an upside down position and the caveman I live with - a throwback to Neanderthals and maybe pro-magnum creatures - certainly not anything Homo-erectus - is chuckling as he gives me a really hard swat.

"I'll never make peach cobbler again," I yell.

"You'll never sit comfortably in this lifetime if you don't make that peach cobbler."

"Piss-ant!"

SWAT!

"I won't climb any trees, just want to be outside for a while."

"You can fill the bird feeders and then come right back in. Are we clear on this?"

Are we clear? Jeez. I'm upside down; of course we're clear. But wait till I'm back on my feet again.

"Uh-huh."

"Don't make me chase you, bambina."

Oh why not? You might slip or trip and I'd be hard pressed not to laugh.

SWAT!

Tsk. How did he know what I was thinking?

So I went outside and filled the bird feeders and lingered until he made "red hot" threats and when he saw me begin to make the cobbler, he kissed me goodbye and took off for the navy base. From now on, if I get sick I'm not calling him Dr. GooglePuss anymore. Meet the giant squid... also known as Mr. Grumpy.

~Sar~

P.S. The cobbler was ready about an hour later and the pups and I ate it for lunch.

Don't mess with me when I'm queen of Finland.

Updating

Never thought I'd be one to blog but Sar's been a bit busy lately and when she started this thing she gave me the url for posting along with her password so I could - in her words - feel free to ramble during my *senior moments.* Oh yeah, gave her a swat for that.

Whenever I am away for a few days the imp reverts to the habits of her life before me. She eats junk and sleeps when her eyes close and lives life in double time. We've been married for a lot of years and she still has that zest for living every day to the fullest that she had when we first met. Translation: doing whatever pleases her. I spend a lot of time slowing her down a bit so she'll have the energy to enjoy another day. About the only way to do that is to keep an arm around her which isn't a bad way to spend a few hours.

So the other night there was a full moon and the imp wants to dance naked in the backyard. This is a monthly event but one I object to in the winter months. The first time I laid eyes on her she was dancing at a benefit for military veterans. It was in DC and I took one look and knew I needed to know more. On that particular occasion she had clothes on. It wasn't until we got a fenced yard that she started dancing without any clothes on. Have to say I didn't object. In the beginning we lived in a wooded area in Virginia. Had a lot of trees and the closest neighbors were a bit away from us. Sat on the back steps and watched this wood nymph dance. It was a beautiful sight. It's still a beautiful sight but I don't want her catching pneumonia.

Sar wears leg warmers when she dances and if it's cold out she adds a wool scarf. Last night after I told her earlier it was too cold for her to be out there dancing, I noticed she added mittens and a wool cap. Naked lady with leg warmers, scarf, mittens and cap. I'm telling you folks this woman could teach Special Forces how to evade the enemy. I put noisemakers on all the doorknobs that lead to the backyard so I know if they are opened - cowbells, mobiles, anything that rings or clacks together - and she still got out the door without my hearing her. On top of that her Rott and Mastiff got out with her without making a sound.

I realize it's too quiet in the house and walk out to the back deck and there she is - dancing like it's 80 degrees - her dogs sitting in the middle of the yard watching her. I take off after her. The dogs get in my way. I order them to sit. They don't listen to me. I consider that insubordination and yell at them. I'm not gonna swear to this but the sounds they made might have been dog laughter.

I chase after her. Her scarf gets caught on one of the evergreens and I get a grip on her arm. That's the end of the dance. I haul her over my shoulder, deliver a couple of good hot swats and pull my sweater off and cover her up. The whole time she is protesting and laughing and wiggling and - ok, she's sexy as hell and all I can think of is getting her in the house and warming that butt and lovin her.

I do all that and have to leave the house early in the morning. Come home about mid morning and Sar is on the back deck with 4 dogs and 2 cats and 2 boxes of twinkies - about 40 twinkies - and an empty gallon of milk. The boxes are empty. Sar is asleep. Her Mastiff is snoring. The 3 Rotts are glass eyed and the 2 cats are doing what cats do - licking their fur. Sugar high. At least she was wearing enough warm clothes. I pick her up to take her in the house - she's waking up and giving me that drunk look she gets when she doesn't remember how she got where she is. I think this is how women achieve an innocent look when you ask them something they don't want to answer. It's a memory thing. I tell her she ate too many twinkies. Sar says there's no such thing as too many. She says the same thing about chocolate. I'm thinking a spanking is about to happen. The rest is none of your business.

Cowboy

I'm Home!

And the imp is in high gear. After the initial hello and missed you and sweet stuff she went straight into "Sar" mode. She probably was already living in the fast lane while I was away and just paused long enough for a reunion. "Sar" mode means she ate junk food the entire time I was away, slept little and jogged far more miles than she should. And if she was feeling those endorphins, she probably "ran" more than she jogged. Running is not good for her. She has weak lungs. Jogging is ok if paced and if she doesn't overdo.

I asked her about that. Naturally she denied any knowledge of running or jogging or anything else. I gave her a couple of swats just for good measure. She called me an anal retentive baboon butthead. That's a compliment - better than a piss-ant which is an annoying creature.

I wanted to know exactly how much rest she got. Sar has bouts of insomnia and if I'm not home to keep her in bed she'll get up and work in her studio all night. Instead of answering my questions she jumped me, hugged me tight, kissed me - very sweet kisses - and did naughty things. She fights dirty and she plays dirty. I'm married to an imp and a seductress and about the time I'm ready to upend her and light a fire where it will do the most good, she's goes and does something that has my heart racing and my hands eager to do other things.

We had some unexpected company for a few days. They just left and the whole time they were here I had the greatest urge to warm the imp's butt. She teased me, touching me on the sly in places she shouldn't touch unless we can follow through. She flashed me when no one was looking - no undies. And when she served a meal she made sure she leaned her soft breasts on my shoulder as she set a plate in front of me. I was ready to grab her and ignore our guests and just have done with it. At night when we were alone in our bedroom, I was painfully aware that our guests were down the hall in the guestroom. I'm not an exhibitionist so while I made "quiet" love to my wife, I could hardly spank her. I made a lot of threats and the imp laughed.

As soon as I post this I'm going out to the backyard, gonna climb that tree she's hiding in, haul her down and over my lap and spank that cute little butt of hers. Yeah, good stuff follows.

Cowboy

Cowboy's Away...

His Holiness is away for a few days. When he left, he admonished me to "behave."

Tsk.

As if I needed reminding. I'm so good it's downright disgusting. On the up side, there isn't a veggie in sight and the pups and I are eating real food - burgers and onion rings and milkshakes and mac and cheese and Twinkies and plenty of chocolate for me, plenty of beer and wine for the pups. The other night, we all got high on our intake of choice and almost passed out on the back deck.

Naturally, that's when the giant squid called to say hello, what are you doing and how come I'm not gonna be happy with the answer.

I don't tolerate obscene or rude phone calls so I hung up on him.

Did you hear him yell? My name, when spoken in a normal conversational tone rhymes with "star" or "far." When spoken softly - as it generally is during loving is more a whisper of desire. However, when roared at an unbelievable volume over the phone lines... sounds more like When I get home, I'm gonna burn your butt!

Double tsk.

This might be a good time for the pups and I to head south. We haven't been down to Oregon in a while and the beach there, in winter, is magnificent - high bluffs, huge winds, nice cozy cabins, and lots of little cafés and shops.

Meanwhile...

I got a jury summons. I don't have to appear until the end of the month and I don't mind doing my patriotic good citizen duty and serving. I live in an unincorporated area so the courthouse is a 2-hour drive away. Commuting 4 hours a day doesn't do a lot for my disposition and I'd be happy to take a motel room just to avoid the traffic but it's in an area I'm unfamiliar with and that makes me a little uncomfortable. So, I'll drive back and forth each day I'm required to be there.

I was summoned to superior court. I have no idea what superior court is - makes one think there must be an "inferior" one below that. Tsk.

I was called for jury duty when we lived in Florida. We lived in the outskirts of Dade County - that's Miami - and that courthouse is on the edge of downtown Miami where parking your car and leaving it for more than 30 seconds insures that all or parts of it will be missing before you can blink an eye.

They herded us into a courtroom after some administrative stuff and the "congratulations! You get to do your civic duty" speech. One by one, an attorney asked us questions. The accused was on trial because while intoxicated, he ran his car over another person who had the gall to die. So the attorney says "do you believe in the death penalty?"

"Hell yes!" I shouted. "Hang the bastard!"

I was dismissed.

I wonder if they would have kept me on if I said, "fry him" instead? Florida has the electric chair, Ol Sparky, I think they call it.

I went back to the common room and read my self-help book, Winning Through Intimidation.

The next case I was interviewed for was rape. They dressed up the accused in really nice clothes and the victim in a pinafore-type dress. It was like watching a really awful "B" movie. If the attorney looked anything like David Niven, I'd have managed to stay alert. The attorney says "if found guilty, what kind of sentence would you consider?"

"Cut off his dangly bits!"

I was dismissed.

Tsk. I really wanted to say cut off his balls but I'm a lady.

Not long after that, the judge in the rape case showed up at the same social function His Holiness and I were attending. When the man saw me, his hand went straight to his crotch! Tsk! Such ungentlemanly behavior.

In a few weeks, I'll let you know how this jury summons went. I did "google" the area around the courthouse and there's a Dairy Queen there. I wonder if one can eat during a trial? I'm bringing plenty of chocolate just in case.

The foster pups are doing great. Oliver, the Mastiff has filled out quite a bit; he likes my beef stew and liver biscuits and he's learned not to sit on me. That's a huge plus since he's the size of a pony.

The Scottish Deerhound - Murdock - is a disgrace to his breed. Bambi and his mom visit the saltlick on the side of the yard regularly. Murdock wants to play with Bambi. It's possible the dog embraces all species but I think he might be a wee bit mentally challenged.

Tuma, the Alaskan Malamute, tries my patience to the limit. He's a prankster and though he's learning to follow both voice and hand signals, he goes deaf and dumb on me whenever the mood strikes. Two nights in a row of kibble cures him for a few days. I may have to sic DomTom, my alpha cat, on him.

Then, there's Archie, the bloodhound. The old fella thinks he's at a spa and lives to be waited on and adored. Both cats adore him. I think the attraction is his ears but whatever it is, both groom him regularly. I reminded him that his nose is vitally important and should be used in a worthwhile manner. He goosed the squid - I considered that very worthwhile.

I think I've mentioned that D.H. Lawrence's lover, Lady Chatterly, lives down the street from me. Her "daddy" is flying in this weekend and she wanted to show me some of her new gladrags. I was happy to see her model them - v-e-r-y sexy stuff. I'm sure her daddy will be thrilled. The male neighbors on either side of her house also got a show; their wives were not so thrilled. Since she moved into the neighborhood, more people own binoculars than ever before.

There's a full moon on the 14th. Traditionally, I dance nude in the backyard to welcome the full moon and especially to celebrate the rites of Spring. I have a very high wooden fence though that doesn't stop my 97-year old neighbor from watching me from his 2nd story window. He has a telescope. Cowboy says Spring doesn't happen till April but I like to practice. With any luck he'll be out of town that night. Otherwise, the dance will be short and/or I'll get warmed up faster than I like when his hand connects with my dancing butt. The man just doesn't appreciate the fine art of dancing. And it's not like I'm completely nude; I wear leg warmers and a long woolen scarf.

~Sar~