Is that the best news ever? First, it was spinach; now it's carrot juice. Carrot juice comes from carrots. Carrots grow in the ground. So do turnips...
Life can be such a treat sometimes.
"There are other veggies you can eat, imp."
Tsk. Did anyone else hear the voice of delusion?
SWAT!
Moving right along...
Taught a class at the university this week - 3 days, 12 students hands-on and about 20 in the audience watching. The 20 were on a waiting list allowed to watch and replace any of the hands-on students that had to leave for some reason or another. I noticed that some stopped watching what I was doing and watched my pups instead. Occasionally one of the pups did what dogs do in a most disgusting manner and in front of an audience no less! Totally lacking in couth. In that, they take after the giant squid.
Uh... not that the giant squid does those kinds of things in public... not in private either... nevertheless...
BAMBINA!
SWAT!
Tsk! Somehow I misstated that. Oh well...
The class was scheduled for 9 a.m. - 5 p.m. with a few breaks so I could take the dogs out and of course, all of us had to eat. When the clock struck 6 p.m. on day 1, I left them still asking questions and went home. I was so tired I went straight to bed. Cowboy woke me and made me eat something. The next day he dropped me off and said he'd pick me up at 5 p.m. so I could leave on time. He did and I napped the whole way home so I could be awake to eat dinner.
You're not going to believe this!
Ready?
The NEANDERTHAL ordered a VEGETARIAN pizza for our dinner! I literally collapsed. The pups came rushing over, glared and growled at the giant squid for his uncouthful behavior. SweetPea offered me his favorite "blankie." (The ferocious Rottweiler sleeps with a soft cloth doll that vaguely resembles Margaret Thatcher.) BullyBoy gave the squid a swat with his paw.
And who ever heard of a vegetarian pizza? That's got to be against the law!
"It's good for you, imp and I like it."
"Yeah, yeah, and you're also fond of jock itch but I'm not likely to share that pleasure either."
SWAT!
Tsk!
So... on the pretense that I needed to take a shower before I could do anything else, the pups and I made our way upstairs. I turned on the shower and while it steamed up the bathroom, the three of us stuffed ourselves on real food - a box of Miss Debbie Cakes, 2 Twinkies I found in the linen closet and a bag of Cheetos. I was just wiping the pups' muzzles when a HUGE dark shadow crossed my line of vision.
What followed was also against the law.
The man is a heathen.
His cell phone interrupted his swinging arm and the accompanying tirade about my eating habits. I used the time to call the pizza parlor and ordered a real pizza - mushrooms and pepperoni and extra cheese - 3 large ones - and charged it to his credit card. Then I sneaked a five-dollar bill out of his wallet that was sitting on top of the dresser so I could give the delivery guy a tip. The pups and I were halfway through the pizzas before he got off the phone.
"What the hell are you doing?"
What a dumb question. Anyone can see I'm eating.
"How did you pay for those, imp?"
"With your credit card," I mumbled with my mouth full.
"MY credit card?"
"Well jeez, did you expect me to use somebody else's?"
Honestly, ingesting vegetarian stuff warps your brain.
"Enjoy it, bambina. You're not gonna like what happens next."
We pause here to think of a game plan...
I continued to eat... v-e-r-y slowly.
"You can't spank me twice in the same day," I reminded the caveman.
"Who says?"
Amazing! Caveman can be so articulate.
"I say," I said as I stuffed more pizza in my mouth.
"Now who's delusional?"
Tsk.
~Sar~
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8 comments:
I put butter and brown sugar on my son's carrots to get him to eat them. An old (stupid) boyfriend once said...doesn't that defeat the purpose? No dummy does chocolate suck the nutrients out of milk?
I am not real big on veges or fruit for that matter so I get my "V" from Fruity Pebbles. Might not be as good as a Kit Kat but better than spinach.
I am so tickled you posted. I check every day just in case!
Meat Lovers Rule
Hugs
Theresa
Hugs
Theresa
I have never met anyone who makes more sense than you when it come to the understandng of vegetables.
You make Cowboy sound like a really great guy, but does he have these problems often. I mean I wasn't even there and I knew what you were doing with the pizza.
And unless the pups have learned English it pretty much had to be you who said he couldn't spank you twice in one day. I am really glad you are there to watch him.
Does he need this much help at work?
BTW, if I could quit work I would just stay home and read your stories!!
Hugs,
Elis
I love reading your writings
I love your blog! so funny! Fabulous to have a military man who spanks..;) yummy!
I'm from the NW, miss it, so I enjoy the references.. spent a lot of time at a cabin on Lopez Island as a child.. grew up and lived in Lynden, WA till 3 years ago.
keep up the great posts! I'm working my way thru your stories now..
~feline~
Ha, ha - they just added lettuce to the e coli problem in Ca. This has got to be driving Cowboy nuts. Score one for the brats!
Keep up the good work Sar, down with the dreaded veggies.
Smart pups you have there, they certainly know a good thing.
You do keep me chuckling Sar, thanks a bunch.
Warm hugs,
Paul. aka (zealous voyeur}
LOL! I love your comments. I think I got 8 emails about the lettuce scare. Lettuce isn't bad - it's the UGLIs - unidentified green leafy inedibles you have to worry about. I'm all for starting a rumor about the toxic effects of brussels sprouts, fiddleheads and collard greens. :)
~Sar~
shaking my head... laughing... Sar you are a peach!!!
altho I do have to agree with you,,, a veggie pizza??? sounds terrible... a pizza is a pizza, with all the "right" stuff on it or shouldn't be called a pizza!!!
Have a wonderful fall sweety,
Hugs all around,
Valerie
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