I don't mind telling you this "being good" business is hard work. I'm so good I don't recognize myself in the mirror. Who is that person? I've always prided myself in being good in 15-minute stretches, mostly when I'm asleep. However, I actually outgooded myself the other day. How do I know this? Well...
We were sitting down to dinner when Cowboy stopped talking in the middle of a sentence. "What?" I asked.
"You've got a piece of broccoli on your fork, imp. You feeling okay?"
EGADS! I've gone to hell and didn't even know it!
To make matters worse, I didn't even try to feed the dogs at the table and we were having beef bracciola (Italian beef rolls.) It's one of their favorite things to eat. And I always slip them a bite or two. Cowboy was so alarmed he reached over to feel my forehead to see if I had a fever. Jeez! I checked it myself.
Then I remembered... Christmas Eve is only 16 days away. This being good business in December is pure torture.
His Holiness also told me that the U.S. Navy has Santa's email addy. It's top secret but he said if I send him my email to Santa, he'd make sure it was forwarded to the North Pole. Truly, I suspect the giant squid will doctor the email to include things I don't want like socks and pajamas, but on the other hand, it's hard to resist an opportunity to be one of the few that has a direct link to the jolly old guy. I'm giving this serious thought.
Our friend Alli called to say her cat, Hissy Fit, who spent Thanksgiving with us, remains traumatized from her visit to our house. Hissy is a Maine Coon cat and of course, her ancestors were worshipped as gods by the Egyptians. Hissy continues to be worshipped and honestly, I had no idea so many Egyptians had migrated to our New England states. She (I think Hissy is a "she;" I neglected to look.) demands attention and I gave it to her, swatting her off my clean counters and zapping her with Lysol disinfectant until she got the idea. Both of my cats shunned her, common peasants that they are. The Rott, true to form, tried to drown her in the commode, but BullyBoy treated her to even more hideous torture. He washed her face with his lethal slobber and the poor cat spent hours yelling "Unclean! Unclean! and washing herself. It could have been worse; BullyBoy could have dunked her in his water bowl which someone had filled with cold Budweisers.
We have snow! We rarely get more than a dusting of the white stuff but it came down in buckets and we have about 2-3 inches of it. I rushed out to make snow angels and then I made anatomically correct snow people. It's a wonderful way to use up carrots and Brussels sprouts and prunes. Of course, I built them in the front yard so my neighbors could enjoy looking at them when they drive by. With any luck, my neighbor - Mrs. HairUpHerAss - will waddle over to complain. That woman was toilet trained far too early in life. Tsk.
We had so much snow I built a snow fort and stocked up on snowballs. And when Cowboy came back from his morning jog, I hit him right between the eyes! Boy! Was he surprised at my aim!
I've been practicing.
I bombarded him!
It was wonderful!
He was covered in snow!
Um... did you know that former Seals can still run fast?
And I don't mind telling you they fight dirty.
And they are totally lacking in couth.
He must have played percussion instruments when he was younger because he can spank with *both* hands and still hold me down.
"STOP!" I yelled. "Not my fault you can't throw a snowball to save your life!"
"That was for the snowman with all the dangling bits!" he laughed. "The next spanking is for the snow-woman with the big boobs and Brazilian cut."
Tsk.
"And later tonight, the spanking will be for the snowball fight."
Double tsk.
"And tomorrow, the spanking will be for the snow angels. Didn't I tell you I didn't want you laying in that stuff? You'll catch pneumonia!"
You know, it's a terrible thing when His Holiness automatically assumes I am at fault. I mean, anyone could have made the snow angels. Of course, they were in the backyard... which is fenced and has locked gates.
16 days = 384 hours = 23,040 minutes = 1,382,400 seconds. Santa better not be late; my "goodness" isn't gonna last forever.
~Sar~
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8 comments:
Oh Sar, you made me laugh, very difficult when I'm under the weather.
You know something I'm not all that keen on green veggies either, you must be in a state if you don't even realise you were doing it.
I have four dogs and a female cat, Tiggi by name, we always have a cat, the dogs are fond of Tiggi, Tiggi wishes that they would show their affection in a somewhat less sticky way!!!
Do you think Cowboy would tell me how he manages a two handed spank when you're not tied down.
A good warm up is always fun after a snow fight, where we used to live we had snow most years, Mel loved snow fights, she generally ended up being rolled in the snow and then warmed with a good spanking which often ended in a way that you are familiar with.
Hope that you can handle it until Christmas.
I hope it's not to early to wish you an Cowboy, not forgetting the dogs and cats, a wonderful Christmas.
Warm Hugs, :-)
Paul. (aka zealous voyeur)
ROFL Sar. Love your playfulness that always comes thru in your posts. Goodness, you must be about at your wits end with all this being good stuff and broccoli to boot. Try some velveta or ranch style dressing on it-it is vastly improved. Though I am partial to both broccoli and cauliflower, either the cheese or dressing adds a tasty touch. Not that either extra would probably overcome your aversion.
Do you suppose if we were all to send our lists to you that Cowboy might forward them to Santa? Grossly unfair that the U.S. Navy has marked Santa's e-mail as TOP SECRET! We will all put our hand on the good book and swear that we have been the best ever this year. Cowboy does not have to know I have my fingers crossed on the hand behind my back, does he?
I know Cowboy is worried about you getting sick and landing in the hospital. However, he has to understand that snow angels watch over the house in that yard. It is good luck. I wish you had posted a picture of your snow couple; however, the description was priceless. Assume you had plenty of layers on while outside!
You and Cowboy have the Merriest of Christmases. Hope your New Year holds all the adventure either of you can stand and overflows with happiness. Best Wishes to you both,
spoze2b
Poor Hissy Fit! It may be next Christmas before (s)he recovers LOL!
Boy can I tell you live where snow is rare! Around here we get it from November till April, and 'playing' in it is the farthest thing my mind! However your description of your snow-people does kinda inspire me :)
Good luck on staying 'good' till Christmas Sar! Cowboy should give you extra points for even having green stuff on your fork (ewww ick). Santa might bring me a lump of coal cause I'm not letting that stuff on my plate let alone my fork.
Can I add my email to the list of ones to Santa? Maybe if I go directly to the source I might just get a present or two. Then again, getting an all expense trip to Florida for Christmas isn't too bad :)
giggles.. am wif you sar... i say "Damn the torpedos" and ban the green thingys.....
Hope you and yours have a wonderful holiday , filled with all the laughter and love your lil heart can hold....
Paul,
Tsk! There is NO way I'm going to ask Cowboy how he spanks with both hands, etc. He'd want to give me a demonstration! Errr, not that it wouldn't be wonderful if I was positive it would be in fun. He likes to tease and when I'm OTK, I don't take too many chances. :)
DomTom, our 20-lb cat, rules the house. Even the 2 outdoor Rotts avoid him when possible. Miss Emmy, the floozy cat, sits in a sunny window like a professional street walker and tries to lure unsuspecting feline visitors to her lair. The only thing she's missing is a red light. The upside to her mischief is that she hisses and spits when Ms.HairUpHerAss comes calling.
Nora, thank you for your kind words. Please don't be shy. I love hearing that people are reading my work. And a very merry Christmas to you and yours!
Spoze!
I told Cowboy what you said about snow angels watching over the house and yard. He err... said something unadmirally... I'm being good so I won't repeat the words but I don't mind telling you that if Santa overheard him, there's a chance his stocking might have a lump or 2 of coal - not that I'd know anything about that sort of thing. :)
Terri,
Going to Florida for Christmas is a very nice gift. Enjoy the sunshine! We spent a few years there and I found it odd to spend the holiday on the beach but it was a fun change. Happy Holiday!
Shaylyc,
I really don't like cooked veggies except cauliflower which I mash and smother in butter. Raw veggies are okay as long as they're the civilized kind - lettuce, tomatoes, others that I grow. I do contribute to the veggie farmers - by putting lots of them in soups and stews for His Holiness. :)
Uni,
Ahhh... a girl with a palate after my own heart. I could happily live on steak and pasta and chocolate. Veggies are not necessary to live a full life.
I hope to update the blog before Santa's arrival. There's a chance we will be going out of town for a few days and if we do, I'm going offline while we're away.
Happiest of holidays to you and yours. Enjoy the days ahead and remember the sweet times from years past.
~Sar~
Down to 10 days now Sar... still hanging in there?
Double Tsk!
Stocked up on snowballs, eh? To make anatomically correct snowpeople? I thought it was a joke when someone asked me if I knew the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman. LOL, sounds like you know ...
Merry, merry ...
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