I was just composing a new blog entry when I heard a box of Twinkies calling my name. As some of you have surmised, I believe that doctors are evil creatures until they prove otherwise. Even though I am "well," I do have another medical appointment coming up soon. I'm going in to placate the medic who has delusions of omnipotence and between you and me, is probably also incontinent the moment he sees me in the waiting room. No matter how much I consume, my weight is always a little less than what they show on national insurance charts. (Now you know why Cowboy can upend me with one arm.) There is a reason for this - I have an extremely fast metabolic rate. I take meds for this. If the doc increases the dosage, I shall turn into a lethargic doofus. Soooo I'm trying to gain a little weight prior to the appointment so he-who-knows-what-is-good-for-me-and-will-die-a-painful-death if he increases my meds lives to worry the beejeebees out of his next patient.
His Holiness will be with me... tsk. So I won't argue if the Neanderthal prescribes more meds. I will, however, cut them in half, etc. Better to be a little on the slim side and get to eat EVERYTHING than to conform to... whatever.
Back to Twinkies: Of course I've had frozen Twinkies. They taste just like ice cream. Have you ever dipped the frozen ones into hot chocolate? swoon
Oh ye who are truly deprived! There are CHOCOLATE Twinkies and strawberry ones, too. Yes, I've fried them and poured chocolate glacé over them. Naturally, being a Twinkies veteran, I don't share those. And I'm certain the Twinkie Farmers of America are due to give me an award.
Alas! IF Twinkie looks like they are going the way of "boxed" Cracker Jack... I shall have to buy up the entire inventory west of the Mississippi. I can still get boxed Cracker Jack(s) by smuggling them in from Canada, although customs agents and the mounties are starting to get suspicious. Ya s'pose it's against the law to let the Cracker Jack prizes cross the border?
And... are you sitting? Someone asked me if I really let my pets eat Twinkies. I said yes, of course. Then the person who picked on my Twinkies by posting that Twinkie torture article went on to tell a horror story about pets eating people food. Tsk and double tsk! It will be a cold day at the equator before I share any Twinkies with her!
Oye! I was so distraught - the pups and the cats and I ate two whole boxes of Twinkies. I had mine with chicory coffee, the Rott had a glass of merlot, the cats drank "half and half" and the Bull Mastiff washed his down with beer but as you might guess, he takes after the squid who frequently is in need of a refresher course in couth.
~Sar~
5 comments:
Hi Sar, great to see another blog from the terror of the medical profession.
Have you thought of bribing the Doc with Twinkies, would Cowboy let you do that.
Sounds as if your dogs have a better life than mine, go careful with the chocolate, not really good for them.
Take care.
Warm hugs.
Paul aka(zealous voyeur)
Sar,
Perhaps we can have world wide peace. If we blanket the world with twinkies, people will be actively consuming twinkies with no time for fighting, those injured while fighting for their share of twinkies will land on a soft bed of twinklies thus capturing said twinkies, and Hostess will have to legislate extra hours in the day for production-money is rolling in.
Such an easy solution-hehehe-if only world problems could be solved so easily.
Hope both you and the Doc are smiling next week.
Be well,
Spoze2b
Who knew Twinkies could arise so much....passion?
*Handin' you a box of Twinkies as a peace offering*
Just keep them away from the pets:) And for God sakes take the beer and wine away as well.
FOFL! Thanks for the chuckles.
~Sar~
When I was a kid I liked Twinkies, but I swear I can't find any flavor in them for years. Didn't you say they changed the formula? I love your blogs and stories and all I know about ya Sar, but those twinkies are just nasty (runs and hides :))))
shaylyc
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