As a rule, I don't curse. It's true that quite a few characters in my stories have cursed a blue streak, using foul language the same way they suck in oxygen - constantly. But that's fiction. In real life, I don't curse. Okay... once in a great while "damn" or "hell" creeps into my speech but only when I'm really irritated. I don't care if other people curse; I'd rather they didn't do it around me but if they do, it's easily ignored unless... it's directed at me.
Back in our "early" days, I had a habit of saying "FARK!" when I was startled or irritated or exasperated or fuming. His Holiness said he didn't want to hear me say that so I started saying it softly so he couldn't hear it. When that didn't work, I started whispering it when he acted like a baboon butthead. A few firm swats later, he said he didn't want me to say it in front of him. So I only said it when he left the room. Unfortunately, that's not what he meant.
Then... I heard the word "fun-gooch!" Ohhhhh it is very satisfying to say fun-gooch. We were at a dinner party with a bunch of sailors and marines and their spouses and I got really excited when I saw we were having chocolate cheesecake for dessert and in my excitement, I said "FUN-GOOCH!"
One of the marines, recently returned from overseas, almost choked on his wine. You'd think he never saw a chocolate cheesecake before. Tsk.
Cowboy almost choked, too. Between you and me, I don't think they make sailors and marines the way they used to. I mean... it was just a chocolate cheesecake - not a loaded grenade.
Later, someone mentioned that fun-gooch was a slang expression in Portuguese and it was a very rude expression. Wellll, how was I supposed to know that? Much later, Cowboy said it was a rude expression in *any* language. Sheesh. Another perfectly good word down the toilet.
Fortunately, it didn't ruin my appetite for chocolate cheesecake. I ate my piece and while Cowboy was apologizing to our hostess, I ate his.
Then there's the "F" word. So impolite to use that word. I was under the impression that it was an acronym. "For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge." Ya know... sometimes, when you've been antsy all day (=horny) and you can't wait one minute more for your beloved to get home... and he/she finally sails through the doorway... Well, what happens after you tear each other's clothes off isn't always a sweet and mellow sexual union. Sometimes, it's just plain ol hot and heavy "For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge-ing." Okay, we're married so it's not unlawful. But the way it happens... raw and wild and naked and on top of the clothes dryer or in the foyer or halfway up the staircase... with the dogs watching... and the cats so startled, they've stopped washing themselves... and they stare... married or not, that's "For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge-ing."
Ever been to a Vietnamese restaurant? A great place for the "F" word. So many things on that menu have "pho" or "phuk" in it. The first time I saw "phuk" on the menu, I thought it was a typo. Cowboy laughed at me when I pointed it out to him. But when I realized I had the pronunciation right... well, that word just has so much "oomph" in it. I love ordering dinner in those places. ~ sigh ~ I notice he doesn't take me there very often.
As some of you know, I love to cook and bake. His Holiness is Italian on his mother's side and English (Cornwall) on his father's side. I learned to cook Italian from my mother-in-law and we enjoy those dishes several times a month. A common ingredient in a lot of Italian dishes is mushrooms. There are many varieties of mushrooms, of course. I favor Criminis and Portabellos but my favorite is the Shiitake mushroom. A cooking demonstration I attended years ago had a guest chef from Spain. He was all in favor of using "sheet-tahkey" mushrooms in his cuisine.
So now... when I'm incensed beyond reason and desperate to scream FARK! Or Fun-gooch! I now yell SHIITAKE Mushrooms!
Would you believe His Holiness is not amused?
Tsk.
~Sar~
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6 comments:
Some people just have no appreciation of creative use of the English (foreign) language *tsk* LOL!
Those naughty words have been a part of my vocabulary for years, but I'm making a concerted effort to not use them any more! Thanks for giving me a new one to use in moments of great stress/excitement.
Any more you can recommend?
I'm laughing Sar! My parents told me a slightly different story concerning the derivation for the offending word. Btw Terri, how about "bad word"? That would include any of words you might be thinking, but did not want to say aloud. Anyway, remember the two WWII sailors that I told you met while stationed in your area and then married after the war? Well, according to them, it is, indeed, an old sailing term. In as much as sometimes men could not control their urges on long voyages, the ships' officers began making notations in private journals. If they came across crew members involved in certain, ah, activities, they would make a notation using the initials~~~~~
F.U.C.K. which stood for: found using carnal knowledge. Don't know if it was used to decide the make up of a new crew for the next voyage or perhaps merely a reminder-"Don't get caught alone with this one". At any rate, over time the periods were dropped and those initials became a word. The same thing, according to them, accounts for the derivation of another bad word:~~~~ S.H.I.T. This was stenciled on certain items such as fertilizer that were at one time stored in the hold for transport. We are talking a long time ago here. Anyway, during the voyage, these items got wet down below and began producing gas. A sailor would check below deck after a storm by lifting a door on the deck and use a lamp(meaning there was an open flame involved) to check the hold. After more than a few explosions resulting in the loss of ship, cargo and crew, some things were stored on deck for the voyage because they carried the initials S.H.I.T., i.e.-SHIP HIGH IN TRANSIT.
Now, you know how these old sailors can be, but since these two are my parents, I think they probably had the straight of it.
Take care, Sar. I enjoy your writing. Thank you,
Spoze2b
Sar you are a delight, thanks for making me laugh.
Warm hugs.
Paul. aka (zealous voyeur)
I had never cursed in my entire life. I wouldn't even spell out the word sh** (see????) I was raised in an area where regular words were only fill in's for the cursing.
Anyways, my daughter lived in switzerland for 6 years. Her husband's cousins delighted in tricking her into saying "dirty" french. So of course, he had to teach her ALL the dirty words so she wouldn't get tricked into saying them.
She taught me the French word for sh**, and for some strange reason I can use it with alacrity! Merde'! What a lovely word. To me it doesn't seem ugly at all (which shows you how twisted my mind is). I'm safe most of the time because few people in my acquaintance knows what it means...but it so does suit some situation *weg* (sorry cowboy;)
Wonderful blog Sar :) Thank you for the smiles.
shaylyc
ps. My daughters younger brother-in-law, at the time 18 fell over laughing when he offered something to me while I was visiting there. I said I wanted "a little bit"....don't ask aye yi yi!
I'm a big fan of the "Holy Shish Kabob!"
~me
:D
Hello! Just came across your blog and I thank you for your wonderful sense of humor. lol I was a military dependant who spent time in other nations. We (my brothers and sister and I) always learned the local "dirty words" first. :) The playground can be so much fun. I could never get away with them at home of course so cartoons and sci-fi became my friends. Frick and Frack (cartoon), Shells and Shards (Pern), Felgercarb (Battlestar Galactica), Shozbot (Mork and Mindy I think)and more recently Frell (Farscape). After all all of these can be heard on prime time TV. :)
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