On a site I frequent regularly - someone posted a gawd-awful alleged research report on Twinkies. I am certain none of the facts were true. The blasphemy included ugly things that happened or didn't happen when Twinkies were nuked, radiated, drowned, boiled and other couthless torture was heaped on that sweet confection. I was so distraught I had to grab a box of Twinkies and eat every single one.
The fact that Cowboy is making dinner this evening - ungodly and horrific green things - had little to do with my need to get stuffed on a sweet treat. In my response to the Twinkie torture article, I reminded the writer of the following:
Eat a Twinkie - feel good.
Eat a box of Twinkies - get HIGH!
I happen to know that a tall muscular marine from Arkansas eats Twinkies. And so does my neighbor, Ms.HairUpHerAss. See! Both ends of the human spectrum eat Twinkies: the good, the brave, the few as well as the nosy, the evil and the shameful. You can quote me.
Twinkies have so many attributes I don't think I have enough room on this blog to list all of them.
It is an indisputable fact that when you give a kid a box of Twinkies, he will be so busy stuffing himself and licking all the sticky gooey filling off his fingers that you'll have plenty of time to rob his piggy bank... or sneak a quick bourbon straight up.
Pour hot chocolate sauce over a Twinkie - serve with a glass of chilled wine - wait 5 minutes. THEN present His Holiness with the VISA bill. (The Twinkie is for me; the wine for him.)
You know that big busty blonde making goo-goo eyes at your husband at that Christmas party at the office? Hold a Twinkie over her head and she'll follow you anywhere. When you get her alone... stuff that Twinkie... somewhere nasty.
And the dentist who swore he wouldn't hurt you... and did... and you couldn't retaliate because His Holiness was in the room... seek out his children and force feed them Twinkies until giant cavities appear!
Don't mess with MY Twinkies!
~ sigh ~
I'm already making quilts for Katrina families and lobbying to save the whales. Now, it seems I have to start a campaign to support the Twinkie Farmers of America!
~ Sar ~
5 comments:
Hey Sar, ever tried them frozen? Just pop a few (still wrapped) in the freezer for a few hours and it's like ice cream cake!
Lovin this Blog, Lady, and look forward to each new post!
Kath
Hi Sar as usual loved your blog.
So, I take it Twinkies are a chocolate confection, perhaps you'd like to describe them for this benighted Britisher.
Does it really take only one glass of wine in Cowboy, to get away with overspending on the Visa card, I can't imagine that one glass would save your rear end. :-)
I can just picture Twinkies farmer, very happy but rather obese.
Warm hugs.
Paul aka (zealous voyeur)
Hmm, nothing personal but the evil things said about the Twinkies may be true...they don't mold if left out and unwrapped (did the experiement at school)which is just strange. Plus they aren't chocolate... enough said.
Now a lovely Ding Dong (chocolate covering chocolate cake and weird filling), Snoball (pink coconut on the outside and choclate cake on the inside with the weird filling) or Ho ho - yumm.
Plus I had a friend in highschool who was betrayed by the Twinkies. Everyday he ate Twinkies and one day a Twinkie had no creamy filling. He wrote a letter of complaint and sent said defective Twinkie back. Alas, he received nothing from the Twinkie Farmers of America Co-Op. I have no idea where said friend is now, but he did become a squid via Annapolis, too. (I think the whole twinkie thing pretty much doomed him to a life at sea.)
Go Junk Food! Have you tried fried Twinkies or deep fried Snicker bars? So many sweets so little time.
Paul, Twinkies are made of 'cake', surrounding wonderful sticky cream filling. It's a 'yellow sponge' cake and a 'white' filling, and OMG good!!!
Years ago they changed the 'cake' in a Twinkie, and while I love them to this day, I have to admit (sadly) that the original version of the 'cake' was my favorite. Now it's less 'spounge' and more 'cake'.
That anyone would dare say anything negative about the Twinkie is beyond sad... and obviously a man! Women understand junk food on a level men just don't get!! Hostess is the BEST! HoHo's, Twinkies, Chocolate CupCakes and Orange CupCakes... where's the Nobel Peace Prize??? Just try to imagine pms without Hostess products? TSK!!!
Hi Sar,
Better gear up. Perhaps start a SAVE THE TWINKIE political action committee. You might even start conducting "Twinkie awareness" seminars. Word on the street is that Hostess is working on reorganization, so I'm told. We might even write to suggest they spin off the cake division so if bread goes under, twinkies, and cupcakes(mmmm....chocolate cupcakes were so good....memories), and all those sweet, gooey, tasty bits of heavenly delight will continue.......FOREVER!
Feeling deprived now,
Spoze2b
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