Eating Green!

Got a bruise on my eye a few days ago. Not sure how it happened but it might have been when I was trying to teach the pups how to stand on their hind legs, one hand on my shoulder for balance and the other cupping my cheek. It's part of a performance we're giving at a children's hospital - the pup looking like he's leaning into me to tell me a secret. I have to stand against a wall when either of them lean on me for balance. SweetPea is 120 lbs and BullyBoy tops 160. The Rott is a quick learner and he can do the trick easily but the mastiff is a s-l-o-w learner. He'll master it but it's going to take a while.

Soooooooo, the squid went into work late and said he wouldn't be home before midnight and to eat something green with dinner...

I took a day off from work, played in the yard with the pups, went for a run IN THE RAIN and in general, had a wonderful day of leisure. We have a beautiful Katsura tree that has heart shaped leaves. The leaves turn gold and peach before they fall and the color show is just spectacular. It's starting to turn peachy right now and in a burst of joy, I hugged the trunk - as much as I could reach. Okay, go ahead. Call me one of those tree huggers.

Tsk.

The pups were so enamored that I was hugging a tree, they all lifted a leg and peed right on it.

Double tsk. I don't think I'll hug that one for a while.

For supper, I got several orders of fried wonton and plum sauce. The pups and I adore fried wonton and hate to share so when the squid is away, we indulge ourselves. We also had a big platter of ribs and lots of fried rice and fried noodles and shrimp with lobster sauce - so the cats could eat too - and then I remembered the squid said I should have something green with supper. We had lime sherbet for dessert.

The next morning I wake up with this presence behind me in bed... His arm is draped across my body... warm breath on my neck... I immediately try to remember if I put all the evidence of supper in the garbage...

I turn toward him. Kisses follow and then he grabs my face with both hands and frowns.

Oye!

"What's wrong with your eye?"

There's something wrong with my eye? I extract myself from the behemoth's paws and go look in the mirror.

Oh boy! My left eye is red like a knife sliced through it. It doesn't hurt but it looks like I got socked. Before I get back into the bedroom, the giant squid has already made an appointment for me with an ophthalmologist for the next morning.

While he drives I try to figure out how to get a pair of night vision goggles so I can look as goofy as the eye doc looks when he looks in my eyes. I ask the squid if I can borrow his. He says no. This man has no sense of humor at all.

We get to the base and the doc's assistant gets all nervous when she spies Cowboy in his dress blues with all the gold stripes on the cuffs. I take this opportunity to pop a few mini tootsie rolls in my mouth.

The eye doc looks like a gargoyle with his eye paraphernalia on his head but he's short, thin and friendly. I figure I can take him out if necessary.

He puts this contraption in front of my face and looks in my eyes. He wants to check if I can see. I have memorized all the charts so this is not a problem. But... he uses a computer to throw images of eye charts onto the wall and they're done at random. That is dirty pool. I wonder if he does that to everybody or if someone warned him about me. Hmmm.

Then he looks at the part of my eye that's red. He says it's a hemorrhage and that it's very common and not to worry because it didn't do any damage and will heal in a week or so. Whewwwwww. I dig into my bag and pop more tootsie rolls in my mouth. The smell of chocolate makes the doc nuts and he STEALS a couple of my tootsie rolls!

I complain.

The giant squid gives me one of those "looks."

The doc EATS MY chocolate!

"Next time I'm bringing the Rott with me," I tell the doc with zoom lenses growing out of his face.

"I love dogs," he says.

"My Rott is a shape shifter."

"That's okay," he says. "I'm really a vampire in disguise."

I KNEW IT! They're all related!

I have been so good... I tell Cowboy I deserve an award for being so good. He rolls his eyes.

Tsk. The man has no sensitivity at all. I remind him I was subjected to a dark room with a closet vampire who stole my chocolate. Surely, there should be some wonderful compensation for my troubles.

SWAT!

That's not what I had in mind.

But he did take me to a fast food establishment where I ate onion rings and drank strawberry milkshakes until I was stuffed.

My eye is much better and Cowboy is working late again. Tonight, I think the pups and I will have a mac and cheese orgy and GREEN Key Lime pie for dessert.

~Sar~

P.S. Just a friendly reminder... This is not the time to visit salad bars. Pass it on.