BGS

Back in the days BGS - Before the Giant Squid - Halloween was MINE! I bought a lot of candy, ate a lot of candy and reveled in my sugar high. My pantry was to-die-for. It was filled with GOOD stuff.

~ Sigh ~

Pausing here to reminisce...

My pantry was the size of a broom closet... Truthfully, it *was* a broom closet until I converted it to a pantry. I hung shelves and stocked each shelf with REAL food.

One shelf held blue Kraft boxes of macaroni and cheese - an absolutely beautiful sight.

Another held boxes of Cracker Jacks - ALL the prizes were MINE!

A third (and fourth) held boxes and boxes and boxes of TWINKIES! NIRVANA!

And...

The other three mini walls held shelves filled with CHOCOLATE bars.

There is nothing quite as comforting as shelves stacked with BUTTERFINGERS, THREE MUSKETEERS, SNICKERS, and MILKY WAY bars and... a few other delicacies.

The kitchen cabinets had food other people expect you to eat - no need to get into the details. This is Halloween, after all.

I fell off the wagon a few times and actually ate meat, chicken, fish and salads. I had three cats - Nina, Pinta, Santa Marie - and made oatmeal or eggs for their breakfasts so I had some, too.

Then the Giant Squid entered the picture and made noises about cat food for cats. The cats didn't know they were cats and I seriously considered never seeing the Giant Squid again. But he showed up with very large tins of tuna... won the cats over and let's face it. I wanted my cats to be happy so I married him.

Halloween happened a couple of months after we were married and I stocked up. Cowboy didn't understand why I didn't answer the door to the trick-or-treaters.

Ready for this?

He actually expected me to GIVE candy to the hobgoblins!

Give it away? Not in this lifetime, mister!

SWAT!

I tried to explain that Halloween is a time to stock up on candy and enjoy it. It is not a time to share.

SWAT!

The giant squid just shook his head at my explanation. This only confirmed my opinion that he was definitely spawned from Neanderthal stock.

SWAT!

He grabbed my bowl of candy and when the doorbell rang, held me back with one hand and gave out candy with the other!

It almost killed me.

I gave serious consideration to divorce.

However... he made up for it at Christmas.

Since that first *shared* Halloween, I have learned to purchase candy/gum/stuff I'm not crazy about and that's what I give out on Halloween.

When he was at sea, I reverted back to the good ol days... BGS.

SWAT!

I have to remember to write this when he's not looking over my shoulder...

SWAT!

All the little kids (and a few too old to be out trick-or-treating... 30-ish) love the giant squid. The little princesses always show off their pretty princess dresses or cowgirl outfits, etc. The boys posture in their baseball uniforms or Dracula fangs and capes. Neanderthal man morphs into Push-Over Pete and hands out CHOCOLATE bars!

~ Sigh ~ very very sad

I generally stand behind him in the doorway when he is committing this heinous act. That way, I can lean on him if I feel faint.

Last year, when the 30-ish lady trick-or-treaters ooooed and ahhhhed over the chocolate bars he handed out, I put my BARE arms around his waist and tucked a few fingertips beneath his belt.

He emitted a low growl.

I wanted to grab his yummy stick but there were a few too many little princesses on the doorstep.

So I goosed him instead.

The 30-ish crowd gasped.

Tsk. He's mine, after all.

When the generous chocolate donations were finally finished for the night and the door was closed, the giant squid yelled spanking threats as he chased me up the stairs and showed me his birthday suit costume.

Ohhhhhhh my. V-e-r-y nice.

When Halloween is over this year I plan to be equally creative and go as a naked nymph. I bet he gives me more than chocolate bars.

~Sar~