Spiders

Cowboy here. The imp is at the commissary buying out the place. I assigned 2 clueless young off-duty sailors to help her - God help them!

My wife is fearless of most things - especially animals. We live in a rural community. Our house is in the foothills of the Cascade mountain range. We have bear and coyote sightings now and then. We have seen both at one time or another when we're out driving. Sar has a saltlick for deer and that can attract a hungry bigger critter. I am thankful she keeps a respectful distance.

Insects: You'd think a city girl would be squirrly around bugs. Nope. When she was a kid she used to play "war correspondent" by throwing red ants in with black ones-- and still would if we had ants. Not too many insects out here in the Pacific Northwest. We have garden beetles. She ignores them. We have slugs. She has devised ingenious ways to kill them and does so with a bit too much enthusiasm if you ask me. She gets excited when she sees a snake. Here we have harmless garden snakes and not too many of them. They're generally scared of the dogs and leave as fast as they came. Sar has accidentally walked into spider's webs and just wiped the webbing off her face without so much as a blink.

But-- if one gets in the house she goes beserk! The dogs are inclined to sniff it or place a paw on it. The cats will play with it until it dies. My wife goes commando. She sprays it with a cleaning spray which slows it down. Then she swats it with a shoe or a towel or a broom - the whole time she is shrieking as if being attacked. The dogs spring into action and growl at the spider - the cats either add their paws to the fray or watch the show. I do not know this woman.

The first time she found a spider in the house and screamed bloody murder and I realized it was just a spider - a small one at that - I warmed her tush for scaring the hell out of me. The way she screamed I thought we were under attack. I have told her to tell me if she sees one in the house and I will dispose of it but no. The warrior woman I married has to do battle and she does it with all the finesse of Genghis Khan - screaming while she slays.

The same woman flushes dead spider, scrubs her hands as if they were stained with blood and settles down to eat a box of Twinkies and drink a root beer float in celebration. This woman I know.

On another note: An article in the local paper informs the reading public that e coli has infected 187 people across Alaska, Washington, Oregon, Idaho and Montana. Sar highlighted the article in neon and placed it in the center of my desk. That's not an epidemic I tell her. She, on the other hand, is astounded that 187 people include spinach in their diet. I give her a swat.

She says she would not be surprised if e coli spreads to other green vegetables. I tell her she's eating green vegetables or getting her tush toasted.

She is debating which is the lesser evil but I note that she has 1 foot out the door.

Life in our house remains normal.

Cowboy