Sorry - didn't mean to shout but I am grinding my teeth to stubs so as not to inflict permanent damage on two potential Navy wives...
Once upon a time - back when people knew how to behave in other people's homes... I didn't mind if Cowboy asked if he could invite a fellow officer or a subordinate home for dinner. Senior officers befriended the giant squid when he was still a squidlet so Cowboy was giving the same opportunity to those officers that had demonstrated potential for advancement.
So... a few days ago, I agree to make dinner for two of his subordinates and their girlfriends.
Two young men - late 20s - arrive with two respectably dressed ladies on their arms. Dinner was a success ... except for:
Bimbo #1 flirted with Cowboy all through dinner. My immediate reaction was to stab her with the tines of my fork but Cowboy covered my hand. That man anticipates my reactions too well.
Bimbo #2 chewed gum all through dinner - putting her gum on her plate while she ate... EGADS! I think I rolled my eyes but Cowboy's glare had me blinking.
Bimbo #2 used the guest bathroom and after they left, I found the towels ON THE FLOOR! I screamed SHIITAKE MUSHROOMS! at the top of my lungs but that only made the dogs come running.
Bimbo #1 wanted to know if Cowboy was any good in bed and had we ever had sex in his office at the base and could she and her boyfriend do that some time when he wasn't in his office?
I was hard pressed not to let the dogs loose on the two of them.
Cowboy was appalled by it all. His subordinates were embarrassed and will have to do other things to get his recommendation for advancement. Marrying those two women will be on the debit side of the ledger. (Neither thanked me for dinner and neither will be invited back.)
Moving right along...
Spinach is STILL LETHAL! I'm overjoyed!
"You'll have to eat something else that's green, bambina. Got to get those nutrients into you to counterbalance the junk you eat."
Since when did he get a degree in nutrition?
"I'm going to pick up some Brussels sprouts on my way home," the vegan in a previous life announced.
"I'm going to commit Hari Kari," I replied. (I just saw "Kill Bill - Vol. 1 & 2 and I think there's a Hattori Hanzo sword somewhere in the house.)
"You better not fill up on burgers and onion rings and milkshakes before I get home. I want you to eat something nutritious for a change."
"I wouldn't dream of it," I said. (The pups and I have a date with friends at "Ye Ol Texas Smoke House" where we will stuff ourselves on ribs and shredded beef and root beer floats.)
"I mean it, Sar. No burgers and onion rings."
"Cross my heart and hope to die," I smiled.
He looked suspicious.
I continued to smile.
He narrowed his eyes.
I think my face will freeze if I don't stop smiling.
SWAT!
"Jeez! What was that for?"
"A gut feeling, bambina."
Tsk! The man has premonitions. I wonder if there's a pill for that?
And...
It's RAINING! Glorious rain! It has rained for a few days with just a few sun breaks. The pups and I have been out in it every chance we get which is only when the giant squid is away from the house.
"I don't want you in the rain, bambina."
Tsk. Too bad we can't always have what we want in life.
SWAT!
"Now what?"
"That's for just in case, imp."
I need to find that anti-premonition pill.
~Sar~
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9 comments:
Flirting with Cowboy, gum on the plate, towels on the floor, inapparent conversation and you let them go without a scratch. Such a shame.
Good luck on finging that pill you need.
Elis
Ummmm... Does Cowboy know those brussel sprouts grow near the spinach and the ecoli is coming from the ground? I don't know. Sounds risky if you ask me.
Eva
Do the pups like Shiitake Mushrooms too! Another great post. The cowboy needs to tell those boys to lose the girls or their careers are sunk. Certainly won't make officer with bimbos like that on your arm. I don't know what is wrong with this new generation. Does that mean if I feel this way I am old? My 18 year old does not act this way. Were they raised in barns?!?!
Theresa
Sar, young men only look on the outside.
In this case Cowboy should have let you loose.
I'd have run them out of the house.
I agree dear Sar, veggies are positively dangerous, I often had run-ins with my beloved over this matter.
You know you really like Cowboy's attention to a certain well rounded part of your anatomy. *G*
Keep smiling dear Sar.
Warm hugs.
Paul. aka (zealous voyeur}
First...
Cowboy always reminds me I am a lady and not to stoop down to anyone's level when their behavior is undesirable. I agree. However... I have my ways. Those "ladies" will not go unrewarded. :)
I told him that brussels sprouts and fiddleheads and other ugly greens are on the endangered list and we shouldn't eat them so they can come back nice and strong - in about a century or two. He made an unfortunate reply. Tsk.
I have since labeled the veggies in the fridge with a big yellow tag "E COLI WARNING!" (Computer printers are GREAT!)
~Sar~
LOL, I love the label idea. Just about all green veggies can come down with a bad case of eternal E Coli for all I care.. hmph.
Can't wait to hear how the "bimbos" are "rewarded." ;)
If you do find those anti-premonition pills, please let me know where.
I'm always sort of surprised/sort of amused when other women flirt with my husband --- making it oh-so-clear they are ready and willing! As if. :O)
Yes we do need to be VERY CAREFUL about eating veggies now. Far as I know, there has been NO e-coli tied to carrot cake or tater chips or onion rings. Seems like a sign....
Sorry those "ladies" were so rude. Hmmm -- we'll just say they don't know any better, poor things, and feel sorry for 'em? And you don't have to have their behinds in your house ever again, right?
Would you thank W.Z. for another great story --- Very intense! (don't know how to comment otherwise) :O)
*smiles*
Honey
Sar, you are soooo right and (for once) Cowboy is wrong. Brussel Sprouts are evil, and nasty, and >bitter< too!
Ask what he thinks about cabbage, well, red cabbage anyway, and give this a try:
Viking Cabbage
1/2 sm red cabbage
1 lg onion
1-2 apples
butter and honey
Coarsely chop everything, fry in butter until cabbage is nicely soft, stirring occasionally (low heat, cover on). Turn off heat, drizzle some honey on to taste.
Now about those peach cobbler and other recipes you promised us a while back...
calliope
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