Peaches & Cavemen

I'm married to a Neanderthal. I don't know how that happened; I was never attracted to the caveman mentality. Oh sure, when I was a kid, I loved watching Tarzan marathons. I loved the Johnnie Weissmuller Tarzan. "Me Tarzan, you Jane." In truth, I was more impressed with Chita; the chimp made more sense than the grunting ape man. The new Tarzans are just a little too pretty to be manly and watching them swing...

On a site I visit regularly, someone described a lady's husband as an ALPHA male - capital A! That pretty much sums up the giant squid, too. He was alpha when we met:

I was dancing at a veteran's benefit at Smithsonian House in Washington, DC. He crashed the makeshift dressing rooms, informed me we were having dinner and before I knew it, we WERE having dinner. I thanked him for dinner and refused to let him kiss me. He took me home and camped out on my doorstep until I agreed to go out with him again.

A few weeks later, Alpha caveman proposed. I said no. I was too young to get married - 19 - and about to graduate from college. I wanted to live a little and see what there was to see before settling down. The Neanderthal threatened to spank me until I said yes. After one too many sore bottom sessions, I said yes.

I threatened to shoot him if he kept spanking me. He said he'd only spank me if I put my health/life or our life together in jeopardy.

Soooo...

When we got home from the dentist... I got more than a playful swat for intimidating the dentist/vampire trying to dig for blood-red gold in my mouth. You let a dentist/vampire see a little blood and they go crazy with bloodlust. I had to defend myself! And whatever the squid has to say about the rest of what happened is pure heresy and fantasy.

To avenge that completely undeserved spanking, I refused to make any more peach cobbler until he apologizes for acting like a Neanderthal.

Day 1: "How about peach cobbler, bambina? Peaches are in season."

"No, not baking today."

Day 2: "Cobbler tonight?"

"Nope."

Day 3: "There better be cobbler tonight!" the caveman growled.

"Okay."

Later, that night: "This is good, sweetheart but I was hoping for peach cobbler, not apple cobbler."

Methinks he's lucky he got *any* cobbler.

SWAT!

Tsk.

Day 4: "Peach cobbler tonight, no excuses," the Neanderthal announced as he came home mid-morning with a BUSHEL of fresh peaches.

I made peach pie.

"I could spank you for this," he informed me when I put the pie on the table after dinner.

"You could," I replied, "but I'd have to give the rest of the peaches to the crows."

"What am I going to do with you, bambina?" he asked after he ate a large portion of pie.

I made a few suggestions and while suggesting... I stripped, grabbed two peaches and squished them so their juices dribbled down my naked body. That got the caveman's immediate attention. Apparently, cavemen are fond of peaches regardless of how they are presented for consumption.

~Sar~