It's Spring! We're having "Perry Como" skies ("The bluest skies you'll ever see are in Seattle.") The sun is shining, the air is crisp and the temps are in the low 50's F. Crocus is coming up and so are the daffodils and I can see the first green leaves of the tulips popping up everywhere! Woody Woodpecker (red headed bird from the cartoons) has already visited my suet stand and pierced the cat with his steely glare. The cat stared back. Woody visits every year with his mate and their new baby. There's a new saltlick on the side of the house for all the Bambis about to be born and visiting and I'm eager to be in the backyard doing things and enjoying the great outdoors.
"Grass is wet, bambina. Stay inside today."
Jeez! What a spoil sport.
"Too chilly for you to be working in the yard today. I don't want you to get a sore throat."
Oh for cryin out loud!
"The robins are yanking worms out of the ground. If it's not too cold for those little critters, it's not too cold for me!" So there!
"I know a spot that's gonna get warmed real fast if you defy me."
"Defy you! Who died and made you king of the world?"
SWAT!
Tsk.
When I get the sniffles or God forbid, cough once or twice, the squid goes into commando mode. He morphs into Dr. GooglePuss - so named because he earned his medical degree on Google. He rolls his eyes when I call him Dr. GooglePuss because he says he learned a lot of medical stuff when he was training to be a Seal. Yeah, yeah, and I'm queen of Finland.
Not sure if Finland has a queen but nevertheless...
If I come down with a fever, all hell breaks loose. I get aspirin, cough medicine, and hot tea with honey - all forced down my throat and against my will. I threaten his need for a food taster and he threatens to turn my butt into combustible heat.
I check my forehead - feels okay to me.
He checks my forehead... "You feel a little warm, bambina. Stay inside today."
"Listen up, Squid!"
SWAT!
Tsk.
"I was thinking of making peach cobbler later," I inform the giant squid.
"Make it now. Then you won't have time to think about being out in the yard."
"Nope. Need to be outdoors and then when I come back in, I'll be energized to make the cobbler."
"Any second now I'm gonna be energized to warm your butt."
Tsk. The man has a one-track mind.
"Okay. I'll make cobbler and while you're away today, I'll eat the whole thing by myself."
SWAT!
Tsk.
"Hot cobbler with cold vanilla ice cream... all for me!"
SWAT!
Tsk.
"I need that cobbler, bambina."
"I need to be outdoors for a while."
Do you know that look? The one where Genghis Khan lifts his arm to throw the killing spear? He's on his giant steed and his Fu Manchu mustache twitches with delight and his eyebrows arch and his eyes go all steely and he yells the battle cry.
Oy!
So now I'm looking at the floor from an upside down position and the caveman I live with - a throwback to Neanderthals and maybe pro-magnum creatures - certainly not anything Homo-erectus - is chuckling as he gives me a really hard swat.
"I'll never make peach cobbler again," I yell.
"You'll never sit comfortably in this lifetime if you don't make that peach cobbler."
"Piss-ant!"
SWAT!
"I won't climb any trees, just want to be outside for a while."
"You can fill the bird feeders and then come right back in. Are we clear on this?"
Are we clear? Jeez. I'm upside down; of course we're clear. But wait till I'm back on my feet again.
"Uh-huh."
"Don't make me chase you, bambina."
Oh why not? You might slip or trip and I'd be hard pressed not to laugh.
SWAT!
Tsk. How did he know what I was thinking?
So I went outside and filled the bird feeders and lingered until he made "red hot" threats and when he saw me begin to make the cobbler, he kissed me goodbye and took off for the navy base. From now on, if I get sick I'm not calling him Dr. GooglePuss anymore. Meet the giant squid... also known as Mr. Grumpy.
~Sar~
P.S. The cobbler was ready about an hour later and the pups and I ate it for lunch.
Don't mess with me when I'm queen of Finland.
6 comments:
ROFLMAO!!! Too funny Sar! As Queen of Finland can't you pass a royal edict that says it's mandatory to go outside on the first full day of Spring? Seems like it would be disrespectful to Mother Nature to not celebrate the beginning of the season of rebirth and warm tempratures :)
Glad you and the pups got to have a tasty treat... aren't you going to tell us Cowboy's reaction when he got home? lol
Sar, you are a delight and make the world a better place. :-)
You must warm the cockles of Cowboys heart, not to mention his good right hand.
I hope that you were nice to him when he came home to no cobbler.
Perhaps he practised on your tush again, I can hear it, Swat, Tsk, Swat, Tsk.
Please don't ever stop, the world and blogland would be a poorer place without the Swats and Tsk's. :-)
Warm Hugs.
Paul. aka (zealous voyeur)
laffssssssssss... awwwwww I feel for you Sar.... Its been so cold out and I have such cabin fever....
I too, have flowers comming up all over, but for the life of me, I cant figure out how they know,it time to come alive, even in all this cold!!!! cant even get out to clean the flower beds *sighs*
Hopes you and the pups enjoyed the cobbler and just maybe you saved a tiny piece for the Squid???
laffssssssssss
wishs you and the Squid lots of smiles and lots of laughs
Valerie
As much as I get a kick out of the outside battles, I was wondering (always a dangerous thing for me), do the doctors agree with erm, the Squid, about rain if dressed properly, getting outside etc etc?
Uh, I just wondered...a horrible habit :))))))) (I'm rooting for ya Sar)
(mmmm Don't tell Cowboy, but as a toddler my son got bronchitus a lot, and his pediatrician, which was a wonderful doctor said misty air breathing, not getting wet, would help open his lungs if not cold. Zipping my lips now)
shaylyc
I LOVE your blog, this stuff is hilarious. I'll definitely be back. :)
I so miss the spring. ~sigh~ Living in Central Florida, now and it's already so hot and humid. ~frump~ Heat seeker I may be, however, the humidity I wouldn't wish even on the poor birds!
I am smiling as I read your account of a first spring day and remembering the scent of lilacs in bloom, the few small magnolias blooming on my somehow surving tree (in the middle of the desert SW, mind)not to mention the absolutely wonderful scent of the flowwering almond bush I had right outside my front door.
What the HECK was I thinking to move to Florida?! ~soft laugh~ Ah well, there are worse things in this world. I count the blessings I have. I do hope you are able to enjoy other days more fully and climb a few trees!
And hey, don't knock Dr GooglePuss ~grin~ There is a wealth of information to find on Google! Besides, pout often enough and I can pretty well imagine there'll be a suddenly warm place where you sit, your Highness. (has to laugh at that--I am not sure of Finland, there was, however, a Queen of Sweden--err, by marriage of course.)
You make me smile, you make me laugh, you make me believe all things are possible, even when experience states otherwise.
I love reading both of your posts. I wish you much love, happiness and joy, especially through the rough spots that *aren't* mentioned.
-Miki
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