Ponies!

We've got two ponies in the backyard! I'm beside myself with utter joy! Every year, when the giant squid asks me what I want for Christmas, I always say I want a pony. Tsk. I never get one.

The reason for the ponies is Patrick's birthday. The little tyke will be ten years old on Sunday and we're having a birthday party for him at our house. Lots of cake and ice cream and presents and pony rides for his guests.

I asked Bull to take care of the pony part and I'd take care of the food, etc. So, yesterday afternoon he went to a pony farm and instead of arranging to have the ponies here for Sunday afternoon, he hitched a pony trailer to his Hummer and brought them home! I was thrilled, of course, but was not expecting to house two ponies for the extra days and nights. The big lug got hay and oats and bunches of carrots and emptied all the apples out of my larder. Fortunately, he has experience with ponies; I only know how to ride them.

Cowboy was away when all this occurred - working a double shift at the base so he could take a few days off. I was asleep when he got home sometime after midnight but at oh-dark-thirty the Neanderthal woke me with a smack on my backside and a loud:

"What the hell are two horses doing in my backyard?"

HIS backyard? Tsk.

"We have two horses in the backyard?" I asked, playing the innocent card. I mean... it was oh-dark-thirty for crying out loud. I had been sleeping and rudely awakened by a large and heavy hand. NO COUTH!

"Sar..." this said in that soft scary voice that means I should be heading for the outer edge of the planet YESTERDAY!

"Ponies for Patrick's party," I yelled and jumped off the foot of the bed, hurled myself across the room and out the door. Tripped over SweetPea and BullyBoy who were sleeping on the other side of the door instead of in their beds on the landing and skidded on my belly down the hall and ended up on top of bare feet... I looked up and Bull looked down and picked me up and told me not to worry - he'd take the heat from Cowboy about the ponies being in the backyard 2 days early.

Oh yeah, sure, right. Like Cowboy's gonna spank the behemoth instead of me!

And... was so glad I happened to be wearing pj's instead of just one of the giant squid's t-shirts.

"I'm waiting for an explanation," Genghis Khan reincarnated demanded, leaning against the wall with his Popeye arms folded across his chest.

"You're from Texas," I said calmly despite my heart racing. "Ponies shouldn't upset you."

"Sar..."

"Oy. You must be getting old if two little ole ponies in the yard are upsetting."

"I think you'd better hush up before his next move," Bull whispered.

I thought so too and slid out of Bull's arms and moved behind the big guy.

"Don't let him hurt me," I mumbled, peeking from behind the huge barrier of his body.

"I'd never hurt you, bambina," the giant squid said, "but I'd spank you in a New York minute. Come here."

"I'm okay right here," I replied, hanging onto the back of Bull's T-shirt.

"Don't make me come get you."

Oy!

Bull jumped in with an explanation which thankfully, the giant squid understood. "So you're not mad at Sar, right?" the sweet but terribly naive man asked.

"Never mad at her," Cowboy said and before I knew it, I was no longer behind Bull but caught up in Genghis Khan's arms!

"No spanking cause of the ponies, right?" Bull persisted.

"Nope, the ponies are home free," Genghis agreed.

"Whew! Well I'm back to the sack," Bull said and went back to bed.

"And you're over my knee," the giant squid laughed and landed a smack right on my teeny tiny bottom.

"Heyyyyyy!" I complained.

"You should have called me to tell me what was going on," Cowboy said and delivered another smack.

"No peach cobbler!" I yelled.

"Is that so?" he said in that scary voice.

Oy.

"Going to tell Bull and Patrick you spanked me for NOTHING!"

"No, you're not," the president of Neanderthals R Us said.

"Since when do ponies in the backyard constitute putting my health or safety in jeopardy?"

"My health," the Neanderthal replied. "My mental health."

"Not fair!" I protested as I stared at the carpet. Hmmm, need to get these shampooed. "You're changing the rules. I'm not cooking till you apologize for spanking me."

I am indignant and feeling very put upon at the moment.

"Apologize? For giving you a well-deserved smack? Nope."

...And another smack made contact.

I took a deep breath, grabbed Cowboy's bare leg... and BIT HIM!

A very ugly stream of words followed. Not from me, from HIM. I'm an angel.

"Are you going to apologize?" I asked as he pulled me up and away from his leg.

"Gonna toast your tush, bambina."

"You'd be better off making whoopee instead," I assured him.

"You been reading Winning Through Intimidation again?"

I nodded.

"You win. I apologize. Now kiss me."

The band played on... Later, I made peach cobbler... and spent the day playing with the ponies.

Some days I am so good at this I can't stand it.

~Sar~