Just in case... mea culpa!

The giant squid left me alone! For a whole week! Seven days and nights all by myself. It was just plain awful! When he was at sea for months on end, I missed him like crazy but did my own thing without the worry of getting caught. Sure, there were a few sailors and marines always dropping by to make sure I hadn't been arrested for anything... and if they hovered too much, I always sent them home with my special brownies...

But just seven days to do whatever I wanted to do and still clean up the evidence before you-know-who got home? No telling if he'd finish his business early - catch an early flight home - I was almost a wreck!

So... just to give myself a little insurance I cooked and baked like Martha Stewart was coming to visit and made all his favorites. This way, if he says.... "Sar......" which generally means something has made him suspicious of behavior he attributes to me... Oh yeah, sure, why not! Just blame everything on me! Tsk. So misunderstood. You'd think after being married for a gazillion years he'd know better than to lay blame at my door. Guilty or not, he should know better.

Double tsk.

While he was away I made an extraordinary attempt to eat a veggie and fruit breakfast EVERY day! I'm so good I can't stand myself.

The pups and I had CARROT cake and STRAWBERRY milkshakes every morning. I'm telling ya... filled us right up and we didn't have to eat again until mid morning! We ran/walked briskly/ran every day after breakfast, collected a few interesting pieces of driftwood and seaweed which I am using to decorate David's deck. I put air plants in the driftwood but the turtle decided they were a tasty treat and she ate them. I didn't want her to be nutrition deprived so I threw in some green uglies from the fridge. Now I can honestly tell the giant squid that I didn't toss them in the garbage.

"Make sure those veggies are consumed before I get home, imp."

"You betcha!"

SWAT!

Tsk.

A neighbor came over to cry on my shoulder yesterday. Nice lady, attractive, mid-40's, s-p-o-i-l-e-d. She complained all afternoon that her husband doesn't pay enough attention to her. According to her, he spends most of his time at the office or playing golf and begrudges her constant spending...

"Does he abuse you?"

"No," she said.

"Does he put you down in front of others? Embarrass you?"

"No."

"Does he spend his paycheck on other women? Items you can't afford? Drink it at the local bar? Take unexplainable trips?"

"No, no, no, and no."

"Do you give him plenty of attention when he's home?"

"No! Whatever for?"

Beats me...

I have a hard time listening to folks who put their lovers/husbands/boyfriends down. I'm not saying that there aren't bumps in the road in any relationship; I'm just saying I have a hard time listening to someone who wants me to think less of the most important person in their lives.

"You chose this man, right?" I asked the woman who had been married since the wheel was invented.

"Yes, I did," she agreed. "Whatever was I thinking?"

Indeed...

Before Cowboy left he reminded me that he didn't want any surprises when he got home.

"What kind of surprises?"

"No more pets, imp. That damn turtle is bad enough."

"The turtle is staying here with David when we go home," I assured him. I was thinking more along the lines of a giraffe or an alpaca," I told him. "You know how I love those creatures."

"You will NOT adopt a giraffe or an alpaca," he growled.

"Okay, how about a Maine Coon cat? I saw one at the local shelter and they have these unbelievably beautiful tails and..."

"You bring that cat home and let me tell you how unbelievably beautiful your tail's gonna look when I turn it a brilliant shade of red, bambina."

SWAT!

Tsk.

I waited a day... then I returned the call from the local animal rescue organization. They had a Neapolitan mastiff they needed to foster. Sweet boy grew too big and somebody dropped him off at the animal shelter. Cowboy said no giraffes, no alpacas and no Maine Coon cats. He didn't say anything about a Neo...

Did I mention how good I've been? I'll try to keep the 150-lb. Neo under wraps until the giant squid has eaten his favorite braciole and consumed several big helpings of peach cobbler.

And... just in case... it couldn't hurt if you lit a candle for me.

~Sar~