Brand New Year!

Happy happy and sincere wishes for good things in the coming year! I have resolved to eat more chocolate, finish writing my upteen unfinished stories and get into new and more creative mischief.

However... I ended 2006 with a fabulous RUN AMOK week!

Cowboy banned water guns from the house a few years back when I had an unfortunate incident with the base commandant... Briefly... I was aiming for the giant squid but he happened to move just as I fired my gun. Tragically... the base commandant was standing behind Cowboy and I hit him instead. 'Twas a very sad but hilarious scene and I still haven't lived it down.

Santa brought me a super duper sized water gun. I suspect it was really David, who couldn't care less about a NAVY base commandant - since he's a marine - but this way, he denies all guilt.

Oh JOY!

Naturally I couldn't wait to try it out. I filled it with ICE water and... red finger paint... and shook it till it had the texture of loose jello and was gooey and then I aimed.

I shot Mr. Snowman... aimed for his belly but hit him a little lower... that was not pretty. The neighborhood kids ran around saying I had killed the snow people. Desperate to live up to my new reputation, I jogged around the neighborhood and shot a LOT of snow people.

Someone called the police... They came out and surveyed my handiwork and when they stopped laughing long enough to pick themselves up off the ground, asked if I had ever used a Taser gun...

"YOU ARE NOT GETTING A TASER!" you-know-who roared.

Crumb.

Later, the outside Rotts and I played war photojournalists... The large dogs stalked anyone who came into the backyard and when the "enemy" was pinned to the ground, I came in and shot them - first with my water gun, then with my camera. Wonderful ammunition to have on hand if an occasion for bribery arises. In my life, that's often. We had a lot of snow so the ground was bleeding red. It was quite wonderful.

"I didn't know you had such a cruel streak, bambina," the giant squid grumbled as he tried to wipe red jello goop off his sweats.

"Ha! You didn't know me when I was a kid."

"Terror of the neighborhood, huh?"

"Tsk. I was one of the shorter ones in my crowd. No one ever suspected me."

"Give me that water gun before you do serious damage," he said in such a calm voice...

"Oh sure, right away." I was prepared for this encounter. I grabbed my gallon container of red goop and ice water and got up a tree while my big Rotts kept the giant squid preoccupied. They loved this game, tackling the "alpha" male in the house and tumbling on the ground with him. I continued using him for target practice and the pups kept drowning him in slobber as they licked the jello off his v-a-r-i-o-u-s body parts. I took GREAT pics!

Cowboy made some very ugly noises... tsk. Such language out of an officer and a gentleman. I told him so, too and when he got free of the pups, he ZIPPED up the tree. Never would have thought such an o-l-d man could still do that.

SWAT!

Tsk.

We ended up in the snow with water gun residue and dog slobber all over us and I was laughing and hiccuping and the squid was rubbing goop all over my face. I stuffed snow down his pants and he yelled and the Rotts jumped him and we rolled and I laughed again and threw the water gun away from me and Tank, my big Rott, grabbed it and took it into his kennel and Cowboy wasn't able to confiscate it - yet.

Great fun! But Cowboy plays dirty... so... lady that I am...

"Any chance of cobbler this week, imp?"

"Sure," I agreed and made apple cobbler, blueberry cobbler, pear cobbler, apricot cobbler, and plum cobbler.

"Very tasty," he said and gave me a swat.

Tsk.

"Dare I ask for peach pie?"

"Sure, ask away." And I baked apple pie, cherry pie, blueberry pie, pecan pie, and a Boston Cream pie for David.

Two swats!

Tsk.

"Peaches aren't in season," I told him.

"Pink butts are!"

Jeez. I ran up the stairs... he followed me... etc.

Went to the mall New Year's Eve day - took Cowboy's credit card - found LOTS of things on sale. I only bought the very basic necessities: Chocolate, new shoes, chocolate, new sexy undies, chocolate, new ceramic pie pans from Holland - gorgeous - and I picked up some chocolate.

Some of the Neanderthal's o-l-d buddies dropped in during RUN AMOK week... They wanted to see his gun/rifle collection. When I heard...

"SAR!!" at an extremely loud volume, I knew they had discovered the tiny water pistol I had put in his gun cabinet for safe keeping, also the slingshot... my prize marble shooter, and the yo-yo...

Tsk. Now I may never get that stash of Lindt chocolates I hid behind that big long pistol he got in an auction somewhere on the other side of the world a hundred years ago and one that he thinks is some kind of prize weapon. Tsk. Men and their toys.

Which is more important? Guns or chocolate? Don't bother to answer. I know you know the pecking order.

I gave Ms.HairUpHerAss a big basket of brownies - the good kind. She was so suspicious she refused to eat any and insisted the marines and sailors visiting my house should have them. They ate them with gusto and Ms.HairUpHerAss has a new respect for these fighting men. "They are so brave," she gushed, thinking they could eat my "special" brownies and not feel any ill effects.

Tsk.

"Don't worry," Cowboy grumbled. "If she wants to take them down, they're toast."

Double tsk.

I taught Patrick how to use my water gun. Strike one.

I showed Peeper Patterson how to get a porn site on his computer. Strike two.

I made a tunnel-of-fudge cake and ate the whole thing by myself. Strike three.

I gave Patrick a teeny tiny frog (from the pet store) to take to school for show 'n tell. His teacher is one of those hair-in-a-bun-'n-orthopedic-shoes squeamish types. Strike four.

I sent the base commandant good wishes for the holiday season. He called Cowboy to ask him not to leave me "unattended" on his base. Tsk. Strike five.

I sent the base medical staff homemade bread dough to be baked at their leisure. Apparently, I used a little too much yeast... oops - the dough ROSE and ROSE and ROSE... Strike Six. Tsk. Did they think it was a new age weapon? Scared the beejeebees out of them. Put a HUGE smile on my face, though.

I pinched Cowboy's butt every time I got close enough to do so... in the middle of all the holiday festivities we attended. He can really jump HIGH. ~ sigh ~ Another strike.

"My butt is practically black and blue," he grumbled in the shower one night.

"Well mine gets pink far too often," I grumbled right back.

"We could make it red," he threatened.

"You could eat out for the rest of your life," I intoned.

"As long as you sleep with me," he groaned when I pinched him again.

And yeah... the band played on.

~Sar~