Red Toenails

Whenever the giant squid goes into overprotective mode, I tend to get stifled. I know he means well but let's face it: Fragile, I'm not. His remedy for my recent malaise is to tell me to rest, eat more and remember happy times. I admit I'm not the best "sleeper" on the planet but when my body is plain worn out, I'll sleep. As for eating... green things are not high on my list in case you didn't know that unless we're talking apple green jellybeans, green M&Ms, kiwi, pistachio ice cream, honeydew melon and lime sherbet. The giant squid didn't get any of those items when he decided to do the grocery shopping the other day.

Men! When women are feeling less than perfect, they like to eat "comfort" food. And you can't tell me his mother didn't eat comfort food. I know she did and while his father probably rolled his eyes when she did - sort of like Cowboy does when I reach for chocolate, I'm sure he indulged her because he loved her. I told His Holiness those exact words and he made a sound somewhere between a snort and a sound of disbelief. This did not stop me from consuming two Heath bars before he put a GREEN antipasto on the table. Naturally, I had to fill up. After living with him for eons, you'd think he'd already know I was only going to eat the cheese and the meats and leave the icky green things for him.

"SARRRR!"

SWAT

Tsk.

I called the grocery store and added a few items to be delivered along with the pizza (pizzaria next door to grocery store) and told the man to put everything in a separate bag and leave it on the doorstep when Cowboy closed the door. I would retrieve everything as soon as he went into the kitchen to open the pizza boxes.

So there I was, bending over - groan - retrieving goodie bag from doorstep when an arm went around my waist, a hand landed on my butt (a LARGE and HEAVY hand) and a growl I have heard more than a few times blistered my ears.

Good God! The man has radar!

"You're going to make me deaf if you keep doing that!"

"I'm going to light a fire on your tush if you don't eat something nutritious before you eat anything else."

SWAT

Tsk.

Nutritious? Pizza is nutritious? Okie dokie, folks. You read it here! Pizza is nutritious! YES!

"And just how did you know there was more than pizza delivered?" I asked as I scarfed down a big piece, slipped another to the Rott and yet another to the Mastiff when the giant squid stuck his head in the refrigerator to retrieve a beer. The beer got the Mastiff's immediate attention.

"I saw the bill."

Oops.

"And after you eat you're going to bed," the Neanderthal announced.

"I'm not sleepy."

"You keep that attitude and you're going to sleep on your tummy."

Giant Neanderthal.

"Bet I can make you change your mind," I told him as I stole the pepperoni off his pizza.

"On your tummy for several nights in a row," he added.

Attla the Hun Neanderthal.

"I'm feeling pretty rested, actually."

"You're not caught up on rest. You're going to bed."

"Am not."

"Don't argue with me, Sar. End of discussion."

"Is that so?" I arched a brow in his direction, folded my arms across my chest and nudged the table with my knee so the can of beer would tip over the side. The Mastiff sprung into action, slurped the spill, grabbed the can in his jaws and tipped his head back. Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle.

I couldn't help myself. I laughed.

The Neanderthal couldn't help himself. He upended me and landed a few and I told him he was dead meat.

"Yeah, but I'm your dead meat. Upstairs, now."

Tsk.

So... I went upstairs, took a shower, and brushed my hair so it hung nice and long and curly. Then I got into bed, painted my toenails red - fire engine red - and positioned my body, clad in a brief camisole and thong, on the pillows and waited for the giant Neanderthal to come upstairs to see if I was in bed.

Giant Neanderthals cannot resist red toenails. It was a l-o-n-g time before he actually let me fall asleep. (I'm planning to have a "green" breakfast very soon - green jellybeans and pistachio ice cream.)

~Sar~

P.S. Sincere thanks for the sweet comments to the blog and to my e-mail addy. You fill my heart with your kind words and I thank you.