Tsk.
Bunch of voyeurs.
The other day I was especially saintly. I had a roast in the oven, all the side dishes ready to be warmed up and the table set for the two of us. I even put candles on the table and fresh flowers. Is that saintly? Ubetcha! Of course, I sacrificed my own health to make sure His Holiness had plenty of veggies. I gave him my share along with his. Talk about saintly!
So, I'm in my sewing studio and auditioning fabrics on my design wall for a wonderful new creation that currently resides only in my head. In the course of continuously bending down to select fabric swatches, the drawstring on my sweat pants came loose. Wouldn't you know that the moment my pants fell to my ankles... the giant squid came into the room! I was bent over, my tush - ivory at that particular moment - was obviously a target he couldn't resist!
SWAT!
Jeez! It's a good thing he caught me or I would have flown right into my design wall! And it's a new design wall and I would have uttered more than a few indelicate comments if it cracked.
As it is, I remembered I was being saintly and refrained from telling him he was a first class baboon butthead!
The wretch laughed and upended me and swatted me again and said it was my own fault since I rarely wear undies. Err... when I'm home and working that is.
Tsk.
Fortunately, his hands did other things to distract me from the impromptu spanking and "stuff" ensued and now I have to re-wash the fabric that was still on the floor because... um... because.
We went to a cocktail party the other night and met the hostess from hell - platinum blonde hair that was lacquered with Elmer's glue I think - a bosom that was desperately trying to leap from her tight bodice, and collagen lips that would frighten a blowfish.
The hors de oeuvres a.k.a. horses ovaries were veggies! There was a platter of crackers and some stinky cheese and very salty nuts. I stuck to the wine and the crackers and His Holiness stuffed himself on veggies. Talk about no couth! Of course, I was saintly and only smiled at the witch when she offered me a veggie ovary from her very own plate. I had an overwhelming urge to stuff it down her throat while simultaneously throttling her. Egads! I hope Santa was watching to see how good I was. The giant squid was watching me, too. He arched a brow in my direction when I politely declined the evil morsel the woman was trying to force on me. Later, I reminded him how saintly I had been.
The wretch snorted! Tsk. Admirals can snort with the best of them.
I would like to add that more than a few of us drank a LOT of wine to get through the evening. I had no intention of inviting these people to our home for any of the holiday festivities we will be hosting but the wretch I live with did the inviting before I could tell him I didn't want them.
Just to be sure I remain "Christmas good," I'll be serving lots of high calorie, high cholesterol, high fat, and high sugar content foods... hope the "vegan" doesn't choke.
Am I saintly or what?
~Sar~
10 days = 240 hours = 14,400 minutes = 864,000 seconds till the jolly ol fat guy burns his butt coming down my chimney.
9 comments:
laaffssssssssss... cant help being a voyeur, your my hero Sar and I have to "see" what your up too..... makes me feel like I'm an angel, since I would have told the "Gluehead" where she could have put the hated veggies.......besides its Christmas, you get to eat anything you want for the Holidays, it's in the rule book!!!!!!!
Smiles... truly tho, am wishing you and yours, the most wonderful of all Holidays, a smile on your face... laughter in your eyes... love in your heart... and peace within your soul.... you are one of of a kind sweety and deserve the magic of the season.....
Take care, be happy
Valerie
What an angel! Sounds like you're on track for lotsa presents this year Sar :)
Voyeur? Nonsense! Tsk! (I'm learning how to express myself with our fine words.) Now see? That was an example of always improving education. Your blog isn't voyeurism, it is, uh...well...continued adult education! Yeah, thats it *'saintly' grin*.
Yes, I KNEW what you meant about vegetables...my remark about coloring them was posed to be HUMOR *scowl* :))))))))))))))))) I hope you have some wonderful time together :)
this and previous anonymous was shaylyc cuz I can never remember my *****password! I even wrote it down and it doesn't work!!! tsk (grin, see? I remember!)Okay okay, I stop, I won't steal your word again lol
Sar you are a delight, I can't think of anything better than being a voyeur on your site. :-)
You describe the dialogues between Cowboy's hand and your ivory tush, or perhaps tokus, so beautifully that you keep all your admirers spellbound.:-)
Now, I really hope that you can stay a saint until after Christmas, however if you don't manage to do that and a dialogue ensues, please blog about it in your inimitable style as soon as you can sit comfortably. :-)
But seriously Sar, you and Cowboy have a wonderful Christmas and may all your wishes come true.
Hugs. :-)
Paul. aka (zealous voyeur)
Sar,
I can guess about the "unadmirally" words-I was raised by a couple of sailors who met out in your area when they were stationed there during WWII and then tied the knot after the war...ahem.
Dad calls them horse's ovaries too though Mom is more refined in her reference. Never have figured out why people think veggies are the thing to go with wine. A selection of cheese, a selection of crackers, maybe a little ramaki, or pate just so guests don't overdo. Maybe you will be lucky and the tasteless glued hair hostess from...won't be able to R.S.V.P.
Stay out of trouble and the line of fire, have a "peaceful", happy Christmas and perhaps if we are really good, all our fondest wishes will become reality in 2006.
Best Wishes to all,
Spoze2b
Just read Cowboy's newest addition to your story site... :)
Sounds like he's got your number hon, seems like your gonna get a spanking for Christmas no matter what! Lucky you :)
He happened to mention you're doing alot of cooking. I'll be glad to send you my address if you want to ship any 'extras' you might have!
Merry Christmas Sar & Cowboy!
"you get to eat anything you want for the Holidays, it's in the rule book!!!!!!!"
It is? :) Ohhhhhh rushing to tell the squid it's in the rule book. Wait! There's a rule book? Tell me what else is in that rule book before I cook my own tush... err goose.
And... voyeurism and saintly just don't seem like two words that normally appear in the same sentence. We definitely agree on them though - YOU are voyeurs and I'm a saint.
My jar of "goodness" is emptying fairly fast. The giant squid is already rubbing his palms together. Truly, he is a first class baboon butthead! I mentioned it would be very couthful of him to add "get out of spanking" cards to my stocking. The wretch had the nerve to laugh. Tsk. I'm calling the coal company to see if they can spare a lump or two.
~Sar~
Sar you always make us LOL! And we loved Cowboy's latest too:
"If I were in his shoes, I'd make her sample any food she put on my plate before I touched it."
(I can't think WHY these men are so suspicious ---sheesh!)
And how lovely to take the pups to visit those kids -- bet ALL the mammals --2 and 4-legged --- enjoyed that interaction!
Still, I'm guessing maybe Santa won't be the ONLY one who gets his "butt burned" this season....
LOL! Just a wild guess...
BJ (and Joe)
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