Do you have a GPS in your car? We're in northern Quebec for a while and though we've been here numerous times, we're not locals. So finding our way around is sometimes confusing (and the natives all have an accent…) The GPS in Cowboy's SUV has a mute button for the noisy lady giving directions. When His Holiness gets tired of her voice and/or thinks she's taking us the long way around to get somewhere, he ignores her by shutting her up.
We rented another car for emergencies – a backup – the snow/black ice conditions are unpredictable. The lady in the GPS is very loud, very firm in her directions and very annoyed when Cowboy doesn't follow them to the letter. He yells at her. LOL!
"I heard you the FIRST time" he yells.
"Ok, ok. I'm turning here!" muttered with sarcasm.
"For cryin' out loud…" (the rest of his words hissed in Italian.)
There is no mute button on this particular GPS.
It's all I can do not to laugh out loud.
I can't help myself; a giggle or two (or more) escape and I get the "look" from the other side of the car. BullyBoy, SweetPea and Tank are in the back seat and on my hand signal, BullyBoy slurps the back of the squid's neck. Cowboy turns his head to the side for a second and growls at the mastiff. BullyBoy thinks that's a romantic gesture and licks the squid's neck again. (Jeez! I hope BB isn't going gay on me!) Both rotts are looking out the window and oblivious. They'll only pay attention to the giant squid if he has something to eat that they want.
The GPS lady is yelling the same directions that were ignored. This time she's louder, firmer and getting on all our nerves. SweetPea barks at her; Tank growls. BullyBoy keeps loving Cowboy's neck. I am trying not to laugh out loud but as fate would have it, I lose it. I'm laughing so hard Cowboy pulls off to the side of the road. He's annoyed… frustrated that we're lost, and ready to smack something… somebody… err…
He can't smack the dogs… they smack (bite) back. He can't spank me; I'm the innocent here… (I'm a giggling innocent but innocent regardless and if he tried, my dogs would chew him up like spitting tobacco.)
Cowboy takes command! He slams his fist on the dashboard to shut the GPS lady up. She keeps yelling… "RECALCULATING"
"You just hit a woman!" I tell him, trying not to laugh in his face.
A lot of muttered Italian follows.
Meanwhile, the GPS lady is still yelling "RECALCULATING" "RECALCULATING" "RECALCULATING" over and over again. I'm worried the squid is going to shoot the dashboard! Tsk. I take pity on my husband's frustration and disconnect the GPS by simply pushing the "exit" button on the navigation system.
Cowboy frowns, thinks the GPS lady died, relaxes and pulls back onto the highway.
~sigh~
The things I do to keep harmony in our lives. This might be one of those naughty/nice moments I need to jot down in my first 2010 letter to Santa.
Meanwhile… I had occasion to ride in the same car with the same GPS lady with our friend David at the wheel. Wowzers! That Marine cusses in English! I've heard all those words at one time or another but his combinations were truly creative! I must remember those for future… uh… stuff.
When Cowboy and I got home the night he slammed his fist on the dashboard, I teased him and said he had no reason to burn my butt. He said "Wanna bet?"
Tsk!
~Sar~
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7 comments:
Sar, I can understand Cowboy, I hate having machines shout at me, I get irritated trying to have conversations with machines.
Still I think you were a very restrained Imp, the trick with Bully Boy might have been worthy of a swat or two.
I'm sure Cowboy enjoys burning your butt, and if my memory isn't failing me, that activity often results in the, "Band playing on for some time."
And as you are both music lovers, need I say more.
It's great to see you back to your old self.
Love and warm hugs,
Paul. aka (zealous voyeur)
We have a GPS too and I found that as much as I don't seem to like taking orders from anyone that woman was the worse. We changed the voice over to a man's voice. I still get annoyed when he gets bossy with that 'recalculating' thing I can at least go into a fantasy more easily that with that horrible woman!
I agree with Paul - the swats would be only for fun and stress relief, his not yours necessarily.
Sure did appreciate the last story. Glad your writing again.
Hugs,
PK
I've named my GPS Maud (well actually my sister and I named it)because she is so loud and bossy! My Sir often argues with her and often says ALRIGHT ALREADY I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME! Funny how he can ignore the TV but NOT the GPS when IT is being annoying. Yes I often giggle as he argues with Maud and yes I too get the YOU ARE SO ROASTED look,but it is just too much fun!
Hiya Sar!!! I'm back!!! Hugs to you and Cowboy!!! PC died and it was the last on the list to get fixed.. Thank the Gods for Tsuling & Kevin.
I love my GPS. I talk to it as it talks to me, and when it gets on the nerves, poof!!! one plug... gone, end of story. LOL
Am glad all is well in your world. Hope to talk with you soon.
Take care.
Happy New Year to you and yours
Hugssssssssssssssss
Valerie
Sar, Really, One would think that men trained to navigate the open seas (not to mention military careers-isn't the military all about learning to follow orders without question?) with nothing more than the stars and naval thingies would be able to follow maps indicating well documented roads. Either way I think you have well earned a reprieve from any strikes incurred during run amok week.-Sandy
One of our favorite movies is "A Good Year," starring Russell Crowe. There is a scene in the film that J and I can relate to entirely too well. The GPS nearly drives the poor fellow mad.
Here is a partial clip of it on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzgeLlIyPj0
Good to see BOTH of you up and at it again. Very good, indeed.
*hugs* :)
Kara
Hi Sar
Sounds like GPS ladies in the UK are much more timid than their US sisters! Ours politely tells us her route, we go a different way and she only protests once, quietly, before shutting up for ten seconds to get the gist of where we are heading, SOOOOO British!
Our small island ground to a halt last week with probably a max of 12 inches of snow in most places, hopeless! However most schools closed for a few days so the kids had Christmas hols all over again, altho' even the Teenager Upstairs admitted she was fed up of Facebooking her friends after two days! However I'm grounded as my wheelchair (MS) only does terrafirma so by last Friday I had severe cabin fever. I love baking but after a week we'd had enough of chocolate cake! I envy you your fresh peaches!
love
Sally x
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