About those prayers--

Spanking Neanderthal checking in. I'm in the Carolinas looking around. I told Sar I'd be making this trip. If it looks promising, I'll bring her back another time. Wanted to do this before the summer tourists arrive and do it at my leisure. Will return home end of next week. Plan to stay put until late summer/early fall. At that time, the imp and I will head overseas together. More about that another time.

Made it home for birthday celebrations. As usual, mia bambina outdid herself. Didn't know who the male stripper was supposed to be - damn grateful he backed out. There was a camel which the imp insisted I ride. That's because the ponies she hired could hold the female guests but none of the male. On top of that, there was a damn elephant! Some kid in the neighborhood had a birthday party, had a camel, my wife was there, the rest was easy to figure out. So Sar gets on a pony. I'm on the camel. She challenges me to a race. While the imp passes the finish line, the camel I'm on is busy chewing grass. I give it a nudge to move. It spits. Everybody laughs. I give the imp a certain look. The imp laughs.

About those bulldog pups. Sar says I didn't get a look. I got a look. Ok, 5 of them but give me a break here. 5 puppies that aren't weaned, need feeding and all that involves, grooming, etc. The woman I married never met a dog she didn't love - will probably have them sit, down, come and watch her before they're another week old. There was no need for 5 more dogs. I told her they get adopted ASAP or I'll toast her tush every day we have them longer than necessary. Sar laughed. About those prayers?

Somebody drank my merlot! I don't care who or what but somebody should replace my merlot before I get home. Somebody should have known better. Somebody got more than a few swats. Same somebody laughed.

There's more. I was in Europe longer than expected. Apparently Sar thought that was license to clean out my closet - lost my favorite sweatshirt, some t-shirts, shoes, socks, God knows what else. She *straightened* the garage. More prayers please! Nails, drill bits, other small things reorganized, lined up by size. Ok, not too bad except for- "didn't see any use for some thingamajigs I couldn't identify so I threw them away." Just about bit my tongue off gritting my teeth! No laughter when I upended her. Got suggestions for a food taster, though.

All mischief aside, I'm still the luckiest guy on the planet. Living life to the fullest is just one of a lot of things that woman does that keeps me sane, keeps me young, often keeps her upended but you knew that.

During the few days I was home there was a military function we attended, dress whites for me, ball gown for mia amore. Sar wore a new gown, dark blue and long, the sapphire earrings I gave her for our first Christmas a lot of years ago. I was the proudest officer there, no one else comes close to the beautiful woman I married. Sar carried a small shoulder bag. I happened to bump it, it seemed a little heavy for lipstick and such. I asked what was in it. A chocolate bar in case she got hungry, a yo-yo in case she got bored. Said she was gonna get a swat for that. Yep. The imp laughed.

I read the last entry to the blog. My wife left a few things out. The list is lengthy even for the imp.

 Adjusted the showerhead in exercise room to high, the temp to cold so when I stepped in the shower after my morning workout, I was blasted with ice water in the face.

 Set the treadmill on high speed - just about fell on my face.

 Put all the Cracker Jack prizes she saves for me in the safe "because it takes forever to collect them."

 Added a bumper sticker to my SUV. "If you think I'm sexy, honk." I'm out running errands, wondering why a bunch of folks are honking - woman & MEN! What the hell? I load bags in the car, I see the bumper sticker. The imp has that innocent look on her face.

 Emailed Santa not to believe false rumors.

I took care of all of this mischief while I was home. However, there's a strong possibility I will address it again next week. I told her there's been enough mischief at our house to last a lifetime. Sar said it was good fun. Probably but I think this is the "payback is a bitch" thing for staying in Europe too long. I know she missed me. God knows I go nuts when she isn't with me.

There's a possible third cat on the horizon. This would give us 4 dogs plus 3 cats. The bulldog pups are fosters, that's temporary. It seems Sar was at the shelter, saw a cat that was recovering from surgery. The critter had been set afire by some punks. In the process, the cat inhaled too much smoke, some of it damaged vocal cords so it makes little noise. Because the fur will look bad for a while, chances are slim the animal will be adopted. I told mia bambina it is impossible to save every needy animal out there. Sar's reply was she could save this one. We'll see.

Yeah, a little retribution is in order. Don't panic. Spanking Neanderthals and imps are a good match. Meanwhile, good thoughts are always welcome.

Cowboy