Stuff

A neighbor called and when I answered the phone, she yelled at me for lying to her when I said I couldn't meet her for lunch because we were in the San Juans. Hello? Has anyone ever heard of call forwarding? We usually use our cell phones but our house has a landline - we get calls - they need to be answered. Ergo: call forwarding.

She said "Oh."

Tsk.

More stuff: Psychologist on local TV program said that first-borns grow up to be leaders, drivers, responsible. In love relationships, they tend to be controlling...

Who do we know sounds like that?

SWAT!

Tsk. I guess the truth hurts.

Burnt stuff: The smoke alarms in David's house work. Alli, whose culinary skills are limited to boiling water... and nuking frozen food in the microwave is determined to learn how to bake cookies. So far, the dogs and the tortoise have eaten several dozen burnt cookies. She is convinced that if she bakes the cookies at 450 F. they'll bake faster. Had to open all the downstairs windows and let the ocean breezes (currently 48 degrees F.) clear the smoke out.

Cowboy got a look on his face that did not bode well for her bottom... Since her husband is a close friend, he decided to let the man deal with her when he gets back from his business trip. Tsk.

Other stuff: Been extra tired for a couple of weeks, more so than usual and a few days ago, was getting up from a nap when I thought one of the dogs was lying on my chest. I have large dogs; they are not allowed on the bed... felt like a huge weight on my chest and when I sat up, got a really sharp pain going down my arm. I told myself I was too young to have a heart attack - got up - took a couple of aspirin - lay down again and all was okay in about a half hour.

I told Cowboy because if I didn't tell him and he found out later... the steam coming out of his ears would rival Mt. Vesuvius in the middle of an eruption...

6 p.m. News Anchor: "And that, folks, is the real cause of global warming."

Because the giant squid has had up close and personal experience making instant life/death decisions in combat... he remained calm, cool and collected... Cowboy can multi-task. He said something in Italian (which must have been naughty because he didn't translate) and simultaneously clutched me to his chest and called 911. Really cute firemen/paramedics came over - took my blood pressure reading, listened to my heart, etc and told me they were taking me to the ER. This did not make me happy but being the perfect hostess, I offered them hot coffee and some of my very special chocolate brownies...

A very nasty look from the giant squid which promised global warming of another kind and I went to the ER.

Cardiologist shows up, does his thing, pronounces me well enough to go home but I need to see a heart doc as soon as possible. Cowboy makes a phone call and we leave the ER and go straight to the base hospital where Dr. Strangelove is waiting.

I loved Peter Sellers...

EKG, echo-cardiogram, yada yada yada. Very healthy heart - all parts are in sync and doing what they're supposed to do, no blockage in any of the arteries but heart rate is way too fast and BP is way too low for a person who has an overactive thyroid. So the bottom line is that my thyroid meds need to be adjusted and I need to return in four weeks for a checkup and eat more and exercise a little less. I come prepared so naturally, I immediately popped a couple of Twinkies in my mouth.

However... I'm wearing TWO heart monitors for a couple of weeks. TWO! One records what's happening 24/7 and gets replaced every 48 hours; the other "scans" what's going on if I press a button on it and I only do that if there's pain/discomfort etc. I told Cowboy I finally had control of a remote of my own...

One of the tests was a stress test. They put a whole bunch of electrode disc things all over my chest and on my back. Watching Cowboy watch the *male* technician touch me... his BP went over the roof!

Anyway, these disc gizmos are connected to a bunch of spaghetti strands in different colors and are further connected to a cable that goes around the waist - which is a good thing because with all that weight my pants were bound to fall down. All that stuff is hooked to a computer that records the heart function, heart rate, BP and a bunch of other things - a lot of whistles and bells which makes the doc and the techie guy look like they know what they're doing. Then you get on a treadmill and slowly, the speed and incline is increased until your heart rate reaches a certain level.

Dr. Strangelove said I'd reach the desired level in about 3 - 5 minutes.

Uh huh.

Folks... I've been a long-distance jogger for years. I can pace myself so my heart isn't over taxed too quickly and so I can run many miles. I like to run.

Twenty minutes into the test - with several increases in speed and incline, I'm starting to get high on endorphins when Cowboy gives me "that look." Cowboy's been a long-distance runner since he learned to walk... he knows what I'm doing.

Double tsk.

So I sped up until my heart rate far exceeded what was necessary - they took more pictures and I want you to know I didn't make any rude remarks to Dr. Strangelove. Almost killed me. But... I did ask to see his medical school transcripts and the test results of his cardiac residency.

I think I heard a soft growling sound when I did that... from Cowboy. Honestly, somebody has to ask; nobody should take their word that they're board certified just 'cause they say they are. An eight-year old can print a diploma on a computer. Tsk.

Dr. Strangelove started to make a remark that had nothing to do with the tests but the giant squid put his hand up. "Stop while you're ahead, Doc," he said. "Trust me on this."

Double tsk. I'm sure I could have countered with something wonderfully philosophical and brilliant. And for insurance, I memorized the man's name, rank and duty station.

We head home tomorrow and I've been informed no jogging or running for the time being but I can walk rapidly for short distances. The giant squid a.k.a. Hovering Hercules... says I'm not walking alone... period. And smarty pants that he is, the dogs don't count as companions. Tsk and double tsk. I actually feel well and am not nearly as tired as I was - new dosage on meds currently working - but my BP is still a little low and heart rate is still a little high. Dr. Strangelove says it takes a week or so for the body to make the adjustment.

I keep waiting for Cowboy's arm to shoot out like Dr. Strangelove's arm did in the movie and for him to try to get control of it. Oh wait! His arm DOES shoot out... at the most unexpected times.

Tsk.

~Sar~