The Good Seed

Halloween is less than a week away and I still haven't finished "sampling" all the candy to offer the wee goblins that show up at my door. I abhor the thought of sharing chocolate... there are sacrifices and there are sacrifices. I have no intention of making that particular sacrifice. Chocolate is something the trick or treaters are going to get in large measure from neighbors with less discriminating palates; they don't need to get it from me. I mentioned this to the giant squid and he said...

"Last year, you gave them wrapped taffy and when they weren't looking, you stole chocolate from their Halloween bags."

Tsk. I did no such thing. And besides... I only took the chocolates that I really liked; I didn't touch the plebian stuff.

"And this year, I'm answering the door to make sure the kids actually get some chocolate."

Double tsk. I might have to put the dogs outside the front door to scare the little buggers away.

I bought Reese's peanut butter cups - for me.

I bought Hershey nuggets - for me.

I bought Butterfinger and Heath bars - for me.

I bought Babe Ruth bars - for me.

I bought ZERO bars - for me.

I bought dark chocolate bars for the giant squid.

And... I got Jujubees and gumdrops and licorice and little packets of Indian corn and brand new boxes of crayons for the little kids.

My idea of Halloween is to have a party that includes pretty trays filled with crackers and raw veggies and lots of interesting dips.

And wine.

Then, when everyone is snookered on the wine, they won't realize they're gobbling up all the veggies the giant squid buys. While they're doing that, I can eat my chocolate in peace. I tried that one year and the next day, His Holiness told me I couldn't eat chocolate in the house for a whole week.

ROFL! Uh huh. Sure, yep, whatever you say.

So... for a whole week, I ate my chocolate out on the back deck.

Last year, I ate so much chocolate pre - during - and post Halloween that when I went to the doctor for an annual checkup, the squid said he wouldn't be surprised if I tested positive for Tootsie Rolls. Tsk.

Have you ever noticed the teeth on the technicians who draw the blood? Very fang-like. I'm almost positive they're related to vampires.

The giant squid said he wouldn't mind how much chocolate I consumed if I gained a little weight. Ummm... he also mentioned I should be nicer to the dentist. The dentist is a naval officer... I live with a sailor who was a Seal. Navy dentists aren't much of a challenge and because His Holiness is an admiral, they go out of their way not to hurt me.

Yesterday, I broke down and cleaned out the downstairs hall closet. Oh boy! I counted 8 duffel bags! Some of them were full so I opened them and peeked inside. One has several nicely wrapped presents! See! Writing to Santa early really *does* pay off! I put that duffel bag right back where I found it.

Another had a stash of chocolate I forgot about - ate that.

I found a paddle in one! A paddle! That couldn't possibly be for me! I immediately took it out to the garage and chopped it up for firewood. After I did that, I wondered if that might have been the frame thingy for his tennis racket. Oh well... better to be firewood than to take a chance.

The dogs got very interested in another duffel bag. It had a stench to it that attracts the canine nose - eau du dirty socks. I dumped those in the wash. And last, I filled an extra large plastic bag with old clothes, among which were some of the giant squid's belts. I mean... how many does he really need?

I am so pleased with the prettily wrapped presents that I'm going to dash off another letter to Santa. This is a good day to do it because I've been extraordinarily good today and won't have to fudge facts. Tomorrow could be a whole other story.

~Sar~